Child free people-Why do *Some people who are parents get annoyed at them?

[Theycantallbecomspiracytheories]

I notice it quite a lot and recently saw it in a video Seth Rogen (?) forgot his name did where he talked about him and his wife/partner being happy to never have kids. So many in the comments were pissed off with him.
I have a young Dd after years of trying, but also as much as I love kids, I was always quite unsure about having kids as Dh and I had a fantastic life living abroad-lots of travel, time to relax, no real responsibilities-yes a job and mortgage but 🤷🏻‍♀️ money to ourselves, much less stressful & tiring, it was amazing! I can see why people want to keep it like that. I adore my Dd and life is great now, in a different way, but I can totally see how some would choose a child free life. Why do some parents get annoyed with these people and seem to sort of take it personally that they don’t want the same life?

There's lots of these threads lately. They seem designed to wind people up.

It's a parenting site. Hence the name.

I think some people just don't understand why anyone would choose anything than the life they've chosen. It's not even just parents Vs non - parents, you see it in all walks of life.

SAHMs getting shit for being dependent on a man from working mums, working mums getting shit for putting their kids in childcare from SAHMs for example. People with big families Vs one and done. Homeschoolers Vs regular school. State Vs private. Vegan Vs omnivore. There are some people who have made their choices and think only their choices are right, ergo anyone doing things differently must be wrong, unhappy, damaged somehow. They demand justification for those choices because they wouldn't have made them.

I get it for choosing to only have one child, been called selfish for that too. I've also gotten shit from older mums because I had my daughter very young, literally been told by someone there's no way I can have been a good mother because I had no life experience. I've been judged endlessly for getting sterilised at 29 because they changed their mind at 34 and I'll obviously regret my choice about my body forever. I've been told I'll go to my grave regretting getting lip fillers ffs.

It's just a certain type of person who literally cannot fathom life outside their own bubble. They're also the kind of person who tends to be chronically online, so you'll get a huge uptick in judgements on your life choices on the internet - whereas out in the real world it doesn't tend to be as prevalent.

It’s sounds like there’s arseholes both ways same as everything. Most falls in between.

I don't know. Maybe it's because some people have a really narrow vision of life and a tick list mentality and don't like people that challenge that in any way. The kind of people that oppose change and say 'but it's always been that way' about everything.

I prefer people who decide not to have children to those who just churn them out without considering how they can support these little people, both financially and emotinally.

Having said that, it's not something I've ever encountered, plenty of people my age are child free - som by choice, others not.

As a mum myself I agree with you. I don’t understand why when I see a lighthearted child free related video, there are people underneath who say “it’s such a awful shame you never had kids” or “you are missing out”

I love my DC and always wanted to be a mum, but that’s my path and I appreciate others have different wants and journeys. I can understand why some wouldn’t want them, I can understand why people do.

I find this stance odd as people often make life choices that lead to a whole raft of problems that they then will complain about as being hard. It's part of normal everyday life.

People don't make perfect decisions and I expect some decisions that come with difficult circumstances, like for example going for a promotion and then being stressed about the workload, or having children and then being stressed about the stressed that come with it, to still be decisions people can be perfectly happy with whilst being upset about the circumstances that come with it.

I wouldn't expect my friends not to complain about something just because it's a consequence of a choice they made, that would be pretty unsupportive as a friend.

I think you've struck unlucky with those people. I'm single and the parties and rugby matches of slightly older children don't sound like fun stuff to me.

I have no interest of making a network into the future with other people's children and I can honestly say I've never seen any of my childless/free friends doing that. We are our own network into the future.

Well quite. If you don't like it the other way round, why add more of it to the discussion when talking about parents?

I should have known that the old Usenet group would be a reddit sub now - I've never thought to look and really don't want to! I'm not surprised to hear what it's like though.

I once saw posters on the Usenet group criticising a younger person who said he'd insulted a mum with a pram in real life using one of the popular insults on the group. What most group members had been thinking of as ring-fenced online venting, he'd obviously started thinking of as a manual for real-life interactions. It just shows how careful you have to be with that type of dehumanising language, and how you can shift Overton windows without realising it. I imagine something similar happened with twitter and the people who thought it would be OK to just go out and start attacking people and buildings during the riots.

As opposed to OP who is quoting a Canadian comedian and actor?

As opposed to all the posters sharing their experiences. Obviously.

‘Obviously’ there is significant bias in anyone sharing their experiences, as I have mine. No one is truly representative.

I have no idea how this relates to my post.

I have no idea what you posted. You felt the need to call out my experience as ‘arrogant’. I’m reflecting back to you no one’s post is entirely objective.

👌

it is not an old chestnut, it is an ongoing relevant problem. Even if the birthrate falls, it falls from a very high amount of inhabitants. That's why I (and later others) have added earlier figures. The world worked fine with 1 billion or 3 billion people. There are always problems to solve.
Having the resources for so many people is a much bigger problem than who will put the bins out when we're 95 (probably by then there are robots for that). And many resources are hoarded by the richest 2% of people.

However, I did already say that the problem varies depending on which scale you look at.

Family "dying out" - probably a concern for the invidivual family

Not enough people to pay into pensions and work: a problem on a national level which you could solve with other ideas: I am for example thinking of the tax that some countries gift to global and very well earning companies (case in point: Ireland vs EU-regulation). The money could be moved towards pensions.

Additionally, you need a lot of money and space to have the infrastructure for children to grow up safe, happy and with good education, so that they can pay someone's pension 30 years later. That costs the state money, too. This is not a clear-cut situation with simple answers.

Globally: there are plenty of people.

@itslikecakesbutitsnotcakes "Human Ponzi scheme" is a good description.
If we would look to unorthodox ideas, the problems could likely be solved by other means. I thought people have children because they like them and not as future tax payers and I bet most people would be offended if someone saw their child like that.

Yes I always think people who say this (there was a post a few weeks ago insisting that childfree people never really know what it's like to put someone before themselves) can't be inherently kind or caring if it takes having a kid to prioritise someone else's needs above their own for the first time, suggesting they've spent the first 30 (or whatever) years of their life being completely selfish and tarring everyone else with the same brush.

OP I think generally there are a lot of people who can only conceive of a 'right' way of doing things, which is their way, and therefore everyone else not doing the same as them is doing it the 'wrong' way. They think everyone else thinks like that as well (because they are completely unable to envisage people thinking differently to them) so believe that people doing something different to them are implicitly criticising them for doing things the wrong way. So they get pre-emptively defensive. Because their way is right!

It's not just child/childfree, it's pretty much anything. You see it a lot on here, very black and white thinking and a complete inability to put yourself in someone else's shoes.

edit: I see@MonsteraMama has said pretty much the same thing

what sort of 'hard rearing' do you expect them to do?

By 'circle' I assume you mean friends and extended (not close like grandparents) relatives? In which case I wouldn't really expect a friend or cousin visiting me to, for example change a baby's nappy, or tell my child off, or mop up their sick, or make them do their homework, if I was there. I'd consider that quite invasive and inappropriate if they did, to be honest.

I can't believe you wrote this on this forum which is the epitome of bunfight 🤣

I don’t think it’s either selfish or unselfish. We’re animals generally biologically hardwired to reproduce. We may choose not to / be unable to but in the most part: biology.

As a mother myself I only look at child free women with envy lol of course I love my kids but honestly if I had my time again I would probably remain child free and just live for me

I used to think like this. I dont even like kids, until now i dont like kids except my own. I was a child free until i’m pregnant and cant really have a heart to let go my pregnancy. And my son come to the world. I could never ever imagine having love like that. I love my husband very much but this is different. You wont understand if you dont have kids yourself. I dont annoyed with child free people but i’m bit pity them, because they will never experience the greatest love in the world. Sorry if this post trigger or upsetting anyone. Its just my point of view

Exactly! That would be very odd surely, they're taking an interest and that's nice. The hard graft is up to the parents who CHOSE to have the kids! I can only imagine the reaction of most parents if someone outside the family started to try and take over the parenting, it really wouldn't go down well. And the poor people are probably just trying to be nice not taking an interest for selfish reasons. IDK maybe that other poster will come back and try and clarify what they meant but yeah I'm quite perplexed what sort of help they expected.

I dont annoyed with child free people but i’m bit pity them, because they will never experience the greatest love in the world

🙄

Don't bet on it. The "worst comment you've had as a childfree woman" thread on the "MNers without children" board has hundreds of examples of this shit said in person.