Child free people-Why do *Some people who are parents get annoyed at them?

[Theycantallbecomspiracytheories]

I notice it quite a lot and recently saw it in a video Seth Rogen (?) forgot his name did where he talked about him and his wife/partner being happy to never have kids. So many in the comments were pissed off with him.
I have a young Dd after years of trying, but also as much as I love kids, I was always quite unsure about having kids as Dh and I had a fantastic life living abroad-lots of travel, time to relax, no real responsibilities-yes a job and mortgage but 🤷🏻‍♀️ money to ourselves, much less stressful & tiring, it was amazing! I can see why people want to keep it like that. I adore my Dd and life is great now, in a different way, but I can totally see how some would choose a child free life. Why do some parents get annoyed with these people and seem to sort of take it personally that they don’t want the same life?

I haven’t seen this particular video, but some people are simply unreasonable.

With parents in particular, I believe that parenting requires so much that people sometimes feel the need to justify their lives in convoluted ways. It’s really hard so they need to believe that it’s worth it and that can spill out into how they treat others.

As a child-free woman, I suppose that's a question for some of the parents that get annoyed with child-free women.

I say women, because in my humble opinion, women who don't have children get judged/criticised a lot more than child-free men.
(Caveat - before anyine jumps on this, I am sure there are some men who get criticised. I'm just talking generally).

From my own experience, I think some parents are completely confused to why I don't want children.
To them, having children is their main purpose in life and they dont understand why I choose another way to live.

Either way, its bloody annoying to be questioned to why I don't want to have children.

Parenting is tough so I can imagine there is an element of subconscious jealousy. Or they take it as smugness on the child free person’s part.

Misery loves company. They are jealous that childfree people are not having to deal with the tough bits of parenthood.

I think its because the life of a child free person often includes a lot of things parents don't have and miss. For a lot of people, the go to reaction to other people's advantages is to come up with a way to think of them as miserable really. You see it all the time on threads where someone is envious of someone else, the default reassurance is "they might be secretly unhappy". So when parents get a little bit envious of the child free, they sometimes tell themselves that the childfree would rather be parents, and get upset when you ruin that by saying you're happy without children.

@minou123 Yes I had it for years, starting at around 26..! For a start I felt like I was just a baby myself then and was having far too good a time to think about it. I still wasn’t 100% up to my mid 30’s or more really, plus we had infertility and a long journey and those constant questions were really bloody rude and annoying. I remember thinking ‘Well, why would I want your life?’ It was definitely not a life I wanted and these particular people seemed so smug about it, but I always wondered why, if they were so happy and satisfied why their lives did they look down at mine, didn’t make sense.

Because it's such a huge commitment, feelings are very entrenched. It obviously feels like a personal attack because someone saying they don't want children isn't passing judgement on anyone who does.

*With their lives

Jealousy.

It's not in an obvious jealous way though so it's hard for them to identify it as jealousy. So their criticizing without realising why their criticizing if that makes sense?

It's a weird feeling to be jealous of someone NOT having what you have.

I have had people sat that they think that not having children is selfish, and talked about their own experience of basically being a big kid and not having to think about anyone else until they've had a child, and then life becomes all about someone else.
I have to assume that the people who have made such comments never had caring responsibilities for anyone, as I personally can't imagine growing up never having to think about anyone else's welfare! I was a young carer and worked in care work as a teen, and while I appreciate it's not the same as being responsible for children, it does mean having to put other peoples priorities before your own a lot of the time.

I don't have children and never once has anyone commented on that to me (what they say behind my back I don't care about). I've never felt judged for it either, and not once did my parents mention it (I'm an only child, so they had no grandchildren). Maybe I've just been lucky?

I have never understood why some people say to not have kids is 'selfish'. No kids are suffering because you put yourself first... because those kids don't exist.
You can be childfree, and be the most selfless person going.

Some people are closed minded and can’t see how or why someone else might choose a different kind of life. it works both ways though - I had a colleague tell me what a nightmare it would be to have children (he knows I have 2).

I am confident most people do have the imagination required to understand that different people make different choices. Two of my best friends don’t have children (they’re not a couple - we’re old school friends) and it’s not an issue between us.

Where did the notion that child free people are somewhere drinking champagne on a yacht dancing around their latest Balmain clutch come from because it's just so ridiculous. Nobody wins in that sort of top trumps.
Parenting has been the making of some and the start of a series of tragedies for others.

I think a lot of them secretly hate being a parent and are jealous of those who aren't.

Others really have nothing in their lives except their children and truly can't imagine finding other things fulfilling.

Then there are the misogynists who think women's only point in life is to have and care for children.

Also the brainwashed religious who've been taught women have a duty to have kids.

The abuse is targeted almost entirely at women. Nobody talks about "Child-free Cat Men", do they? So, I have to assume a lot of the abuse comes from men hating the fact that there are women who refuse to accept that our role in life is to be their incubators (cooks, cleaners, sex slaves, etc), and actually, who refuse to be controlled by men in general.

I think its just an internet thing. Someone says something and the people on the other side of the coin make nasty comments.

Like when on here someone posts about having a difficult mum another person jumps in with " well my mum is dead and i wish i could see her again, youre lucky to even have a mum"

@DojaPhat I was closer to doing that pre Dd, now there’s no chance 😂

@CynicalSunni Yes, that’s so annoying when people do that

It took me a long time to realise that a huge proportion of people don't have a theory of mind. They are unable to recognise that other people are different and separate from themselves and can have their own wants and needs, which are often completely different from their own. An incredible number of people truly believe that, if they really desire something, surely everyone else MUST desire the same thing, and if they say they don't, then they are lying.

This applies to political and religious beliefs, having children, believing your country is the best in the entire world and everyone wants to move there, etc etc.

Look at the number of men who are unable to fathom that women don't think about sex the same way they do, or the ones who truly believe every single woman is after a man's money.

People have small minds and limited understanding of other people. Expanding those beliefs to include the fact that others may want a different kind of life, and can be perfectly happy - ever happier than them! - with different choices is way beyond what they are capable.

In addition to that, a lot of people are not very nice, and can only feel happy if they believe others are less happy than themselves. Being perfectly happy and content with your choices, when they're very different from theirs, makes them froth at the mouth.

I think for me it's that they reject the possibility that they might be wrong or change their mind. I was the same and I was wrong.

I was adamant I didn't want children. DH and I were together 20 years without DC and then decided to have them. If we hadn't I would have remained certain that my life was better. In fact having children was the single best thing I ever did. It's a phase in your life.
Phase 1 - childhood 18 years
Phase 2 - adult child free 20 years
Phase 3 - parenting 20 years
Phase 4- couple (with adult children)

@XenoBitch agreed, but some parents seem to think that the reason child free people have chosen not to have them, is because they want to have entirely selfish lives that revolve entirely around themselves and their own wants. Without realising that you can have many commitments/responsibilities without having children of your own.

I am a midwife. I have lost count of the women who confide in me that they regret having had children.

It's not childfree women who don't accept people change their minds. We childfree women are very aware of that possibility. We also are very aware that it is far, far worse to regret having had children than not having had them. That's why it doesn't make any sense to have children you don't want "just in case". Two of my friends did exactly that and deeply regret it now.

Even if a childfree person didn't have children because they wanted to focus entirely in their own lives and their own wants... so what? Who are they negatively affecting with their choice? Why do some people think it would be better for them to have children instead? It blows my mind.

Why are there SO many posts at the moment on a parenting website moaning about parents?! So boring.