Child free people-Why do *Some people who are parents get annoyed at them?

[Theycantallbecomspiracytheories]

I notice it quite a lot and recently saw it in a video Seth Rogen (?) forgot his name did where he talked about him and his wife/partner being happy to never have kids. So many in the comments were pissed off with him.
I have a young Dd after years of trying, but also as much as I love kids, I was always quite unsure about having kids as Dh and I had a fantastic life living abroad-lots of travel, time to relax, no real responsibilities-yes a job and mortgage but 🤷🏻‍♀️ money to ourselves, much less stressful & tiring, it was amazing! I can see why people want to keep it like that. I adore my Dd and life is great now, in a different way, but I can totally see how some would choose a child free life. Why do some parents get annoyed with these people and seem to sort of take it personally that they don’t want the same life?

And alas, here you are commenting on one of them.

MN has not been a parenting site for years. There is even a childfree board.... I bet that will blow your mind.

@GoldLameDarling Not moaning about parents, I am one. I can just remember how it used to be and how people used to be with me before and I can also understand how people might not want kids

Cause a lot of the time child free people are weirdly pompous about it. Like I totally respect it's their life and their decision but I don't get why they feel the need to be so smug. It's almost like they are over compensating sometimes

I dont think it's specific to kids/ no kids. Some people in general seem to get very het up (and really angry, in fact) when others make different life choices to them and I have never understood why that is. It doesnt affect them in any shape or form.

With regards to kids, you really cant win:

Have none- get criticised for being selfish/ only caring about yourself/ what happens when you're old?
Have one- oh they'll be so lonely, how selfish of you
Have two of same gender- oh you've got two of the same gender?, how annoying, you can always try again for a girl/boy, must be so disappointing for you
Have two of different genders- dont you want them to have a sibling of the same gender?- I'm super close to my sister, they're really missing out on that bond
Have three or more- dont you care about the planet? how selfish
SAHM- oh, dont you work or contribute to society?- dont you worry about what will happen if he leaves you?
Working mum- Oh you let someone else raise your kids? how sad you're missing out on their precious childhood

I dont think the criticism stops just because you have kids 😑

Exactly. Everyone concentrates on their own wants etc. That is being human. Being selfish is when you do it to the detriment of others... and who is suffering because someone is childfree? No one (except maybe some people who expect grandkids... that pops up on here sometimes).

"So boring" says the poster who recently started a thread about a specific brand of hair straighteners.

It is not being smug... it is being defensive after the constant "oh, you will change your mind" stuff that gets trotted out all the time.

Do they want everyone to fit into the same box? Can they not stand someone veering off the path?

Im happily single (and want to keep it that way) but people seem to think I'm something to be pitied and my time hasn't come around yet. I'm genuinely extremely content and at peace, and I don't want to meet someone. Some people just can't understand my mentality.

Some people are knobs.
Some of those knobs have children 🤷‍♀️

Competitive parenting. Gender reveals. Baby showers. "Family hols... making memories" posts. "Mumpreneurs" (vom). "As a mum...".

I don't know where you see all those "pompous" childfree people being smug. The few ones who do would be buried under the insufferable competitive parenting stuff popping up everywhere. Which, I must say, I don't care about, because there isn't a single thing in parents' life I would want for myself, so it doesn't affect me. If parents love their life so much... why would they be bothered by someone without children being "pompous" about it?

People who are all sniffy and arsey about people choosing not to have children, I find are jealous and bitter that these people have total freedom and surplus money, and aren't tied to kids for potentially a quarter century or more, (as they themselves, found it hard work and draining.)

The parents who were/are happy having children don't envy the child free, and so IMO and IME, they don't resent them, because they are happy with their choice(s.)

I have 2 adult DC (late 20s) and they are - right now - saying they don't think they ever want children. If they do have them I will be chuffed to bits and love my grandchildren dearly. But if they don't have them that's OK too. I'm not going to cry into my pillow if I never become a grandparent. They are grown adults with their own lives and their own minds, and I will respect whatever decision they make.

Life is hard, and it's a struggle for many. It's even harder and even more of a struggle when you're raising children. And as much as you love them, and can still do plenty with them in your life, most people will have very little surplus income as long as they are your dependants. And as much as we love them, it's bloody hard work having/raising children - even the ones who are 'good kids.'

.

I think they feel threatened in the same way some people feel threatened by any lifestyle that isn't the norm. I think it increasingly will become the norm though .

I can't understand this. But then I adore my kids - they've made my life so infinitely happier. They're incredible fun.

I imagine this comes from parents who didn't really want kids but had them anyway? Maybe?

This, if people are posting 'oh yay how amazing is my childfree life, I love not having to have responsibility, that must suck..' that's a totally different thing to someone posting 'yay great hols in marbs' and having a 'omg... WHY DON'T YOU HAVE CHILDREN!!' response.

I don’t get the animosity from either side. I have friends who are parents. I have friends who aren’t, and who don’t want to be. I’m really not sure why the two groups have to be at loggerheads.

I'd also add that there's a lot of societal pressure to have kids (though this is changing thankfully) so there's probably some reluctant parents - and they're probably the ones who make these comments

It's exactly this and it applies to all life choices. Some people just cannot fathom that we are all different and want different things and dont have the brain capability to think outside of their narrow limited perspective. Look at how angry some people get on here just because someone decorates their house differently or prefers a certain type of weather, or likes a different type of holiday to them - and these are totally insignificant things.

It indicates a real lack of imagination to me and also, why would you even want everyone to be the same as you- so boring and dull.

Why would anyone be upset about someone not having children? 😂 People who don’t want children should definitely not have them. I’ve only seen irritation when those who are childfree by choice look down upon parents, which I used to see all the time on here, weirdly.

I've noticed that, too. I always found it odd when people said that to me before I had children, because I'd been caring for others all my life, including bringing up my younger sibling. It can be different having your own child in that, in my experience, it's a lot more rewarding and fun.

Sixty and childfree here. Never really encountered any negativity about it - or perhaps I have and have merrily gone about my business and just not given a toss.

Am I smug about it? Hell yes. It's worked out perfectly for me and I'm glad I made the choice I did. I do make a (possibly feeble) attempt to hide my smugness in real life though.

I’m not starting the “mumsnet is for everyone” discussion again, but some of you have such revulsion for parents, you’d think you could find a better forum to spend your time on. 👀

@mathanxiety Yes I can see that’s not nice too, I think a strong reaction from both sides is just odd

Even if a childfree person didn't have children because they wanted to focus entirely in their own lives and their own wants... so what?

It seems to me that while parenthood is necessary for the continuation of our species, it really can be a very tough gig for the effort required can easily outweigh the obvious benefit.

This might so easily put people off, so that our species would very quickly die out.

In order to ensure that the majority of people do actually take the risk & make the investment required to have children, society in general encourages women to choose parenthood.

The encouragement ranged from almost esoteric benefits such as 'you will never know love like the love of a child' , you will never know what you are missing, you might leave it too late and suddenly find an overwhelming desire to have a child when it's too late for you to carry a child to term.

Anyone who does not fall in line is questioned and warned about what they are missing

Women are thus encouraged one way or another to have children to ensure the overall continuation of the species. It takes a reasonably strong individual to step out of the circle.

Fortunately only a minority of women do so. I could myself lucky to be amongst them.