To wonder how you cope with aging?

[Newname85]

I am 43. Perimenopausal - with all the bells and whistles. My skin looks/feels thin, dry and lacklustre. I’m losing a lot of hair, also have lots of grey hair esp in the front.

How do you cope with all this, with getting old?

I'm 71 with multiple health problems, but lucky to have a supportive husband and family. I could wish I were 30 years younger but it's not going to happen, so I get by day by day.

been thinking about this and as you hit 45+ you look as good as your habits. That is the aging difference. To feel fit, no aches and pains, not be overweight, to look presentable, having good posture, just takes work at 45. There are no shortcuts anymore, not even Botox. You do the necessary every single day.

Mostly they have been covered but I’d really emphasise weights and exercise and face yoga to help with the jowls.

and enjoy life, it’s later than you think.

Ah ok. Chance plays no part then? We are entirely in control of our health? those who get ill with cancer or autoimmune conditions or genetic conditions it's just their fault?

I agree with you, we're definitely not in total control, especially when it comes to health. I'd never in a million years have thought that I might have been injured by a psychotropic drug, and had a horrible adverse permanent condition from it. Luck, genetics, and circumstances meant that I had a bad hand in my health issues and I couldn't have avoided it unless I'd known that I had issues safely metabolising those types of medication.

We're probably not as in control of our health as much as we'd like, unfortunately 😕

Sending a hug, that sounds truly devastating.

You’re as good as your genes, not your habits.

Thank you so much 💖 It truly was - and still is - dreadful and devastating. I'm not sure I've ever truly come to terms with it, even a decade later. My body still does the oddest things and has the most bizarre symptoms related to my movement disorder; my brain feels like it is vibrating, my tongue movements are almost twisting/writhing involuntary movements that occasionally flare up, and all other movements which wax and wane, depending on the substance/medicine/hormones exacerbating it 😅 It truly is the weirdest thing.

But hey, it makes me more unique I guess 🤣🤣🤣

Yes.
I’ve had arthritis since l was a child, which has led onto another genetic autoimmune condition.I eat healthy, l don’t drink alcohol or smoke, l try to stay as mobile as l can, l’m late 40’s.Some people are blessed with really good genes and some just aren’t.

I have two autoimmune conditions and am barely 40. Nothing I did wrong. Just crap genes.

Completely agree.

So sorry both of you. As someone who is unfailingly grateful for the genes I inherited I really feel for you. Life’s really bloody unfair sometimes.

Definitely.

But while I don't have a genetic condition and am in good health and fitness I'd like to do all that is reasonable possible to stay that way.

Bless you, that sounds very hard. I think if i ever had another life, I'd ask for better genes. Mine aren't that good either 😞💔

Yep, I've got a few autoimmune things and have had cancer, so I agree about the fickle finger of fate there... But like @Freeyourminds and others, I'm trying to offset that a bit by eating well and exercising daily, and I'm uncompromising on getting enough sleep. The main difference with age for me is that it takes longer to recover from physical exertion, and I'm learning to make my peace with that instead of resent it.

But I'm also realising how important it is to keep nourishing your mind too, them's still so much out there to learn and appreciate! So yes, I wish my waist hadn't thickened and I didn't have scars and puffy eyes from the above AI issues. But meh, I'm about more than that.

My mother and sister are obsessed with their (and other women's) weight and looks, and as a result are boring to talk to. You'd swear they want their weight on their gravestones... 🙄

It does suck but I thought I could spend ££££ on botox or put the £££ towards holudays instead. I choose the holidays.
I do use tret and dye my hair though. The receding hair is hard...too scared to try minoxodyl.

I'm 51 and having lost four people in the last two years in their fifties who were otherwise healthy I really don't focus too much on it anymore.

I found 40-45 wasn't too bad but now I'm in my fifties it's like fighting a losing battle. I do what I can, take vitamins, Try and eat well but ultimately try and enjoy my life without worrying too much on my ever increasing wrinkly neck. It's a pisser but what can you do?

The 2 things that I've found hard are:

1. Menopause has taken my appetite. My stomach growls but the thought of food makes me feel queasy. I literally eat like a bird, but my weight hasn't altered so it must be all I need now. Needless to say I'm thankful I didn't go into this being unhappy with my weight because how on earth does a person lose weight when 1000 calories a day maintains it (& I'm not sedentary). I used to view every meal as an occasion & I miss that.

1. Teeth. I wasn't prepared at all for my teeth literally starting to fall out. The years of self neglect due to lone parenting & long working hours proper came home to roost there (lockdown was also a factor, fought & jumped through hoops to get the kids seen but not myself). My teeth looked nice & were brushed twice a day but that wasn't enough, I should have been giving more time & attention to my gums. Get your mouth in order & well maintained under professional oversight or start saving for implants. I've got a mouth full of implants but it's taken 2.5 years & almost £20k to sort out my mouth & with hindsight, I'd not choose to go through it all again. It's been really difficult emotionally, physically & financially.

I think one of the msin reasons why women feel bad about aging is so that the beaity companies can make loads of money from our insecuritiesby selling us creams etc.
The wisdom of older women is not revered. Blame the patriarchy!

Beauty*

Late seventies here. Monthly good sharp haircut, I cherish my white hair. Nails too. I wear little make up, too much is far more ageing IMO. Reasonably stylish glasses. Exercise classes, relatively healthy diet, not too many worries. Facial every now and again, and the occasional spa visit. I had a couple of health issues in my thirties, eventually resolved, and then HRT helped. I count my blessings.

HRT, good hair, good nails all help. Get a colour and style you really like when you can.

Love this 🙌🏻

There's a lot in this.

My Grandma is 91, never smoked but likes a drink occasionally. Lost a kidney to TB in the 60s, has had a colostomy bag since the 80s.

Never exercised outside of housework etc. Has eaten ready meals for the last 20 years for the convenience.

Lives in her own house. Has a starlift but rarely uses it as it takes too long. Her kids aged 50s - 70 take her shopping and she'll walk round Tesco so long as she has the trolley to lean on.

Her sister aged 94 is alive. Her eldest sister died in 2021 aged 99 after recovering from covid in the 1st 2020 lockdown.

Her sons aged 68 and 70 smoke like chimneys and drink regularly have terrible coughs that they've had since forever but are fit enough to do what needs doing around the house including painting and decorating. Uncles wife is 80, smokes like a chimney but still reasonably fit, they go on holidays a few times a year etc.

A lot of it is the luck of the genetic draw.

I second the looking after your teeth.

Since starting perimenopause, I've had terrible gingivitis. Never had any gum problems before until the last 4 years, mostly to do with fluctuations in hormones and becoming more sensitive to the tiniest amount of plaque.

Now, I literally brush my teeth in almost maniac vigour, and floss/use interdental brushes daily. Having never flossed properly since my teens or used interdental brushes since having braces as a teenager, I never thought it was a problem until now. If I don't have a thorough dental hygiene regime now, my gums become so painful some days that I cry brushing them. Perimenopause is truly the pits at times and I utterly loathe being a woman sometimes.

Ok so updated

Be lucky
Be alive
Be blessed with good genetics
Cultivate good habits - weights, reg hair cuts, no ufps, walking.
Dress for how your shape is not how it was
Be free from the male gaze and do what YOU want.
check what it is you want, not that society tells you that you want.
keep off social media

Added be lucky !