To wonder how you cope with aging?

[Newname85]

I am 43. Perimenopausal - with all the bells and whistles. My skin looks/feels thin, dry and lacklustre. I’m losing a lot of hair, also have lots of grey hair esp in the front.

How do you cope with all this, with getting old?

I feel really lucky that I'm still alive at the age of 54 . My sister died from liver cancer when she was 59. Everyday is a blessing for me!

I think women are also told aging is something to be ashamed of
Well fuck that!
Get out and enjoy your life, stop worrying about what you look like and concentrate on doing what you want to do.
Ultimately no one is really looking at you, they have their own lives to be getting on with.

Sometimes, despite the healthy living, this shit happens. I am thin, yet have a fatty liver and high cholesterol (don't eat cream, butter or chocolate!)
Cancer at 48, osteoporosis due to ca treatment, no hrt due to ca treatment.
So yes, one can try to live healthily, but life can also confound you

It’s rubbish but what can you do? I’m 60.

I have Botox and had a bit of filler once. Trouble is eventually your face still says around the jaw and really only a face lift will work!

Exercise, a good hair cut, stylish clothes really help though. If you need glasses a nice cool pair can make you look good too.

i try and look stylish and tidy but don’t dress young. I look ok. I’m realistic though. You can’t fight it.

Thank you for those kind words, I truly appreciate it 😊

I'm not enjoying being older to be honest, especially all the side effects of low oestrogen like dry eyes, horrid gingivitis, brain fog, etc, but after my head injury and post concussion syndrome, I think the way I feel now is entirely preferable.

My thoughts and whole thinking process literally slowed down, and it felt like my head was stuffed with cotton wool. All other weird physical symptoms appeared, I lost my ability to read and write (not great as an editor!), and I had an "Alzheimer's" moment of not recognising all the houses on my street. After my breakdown and subsequent hell of the antipsychotic injury, I'll embrace being in perimenopause as it's a damn sight easier to cope with.

I don't mean to sound glib, but ageing is inevitable so you cope with it in the same way you cope with anything that's inevitable - accept there is nothing you can do to change/ avoid it and throw yourself into living in the moment more. Youth is wasted on the young. When you get to middle age, you realise you've got to stop worrying about what other people think and enjoy life while you're still relatively healthy. It pisses me off when I find another stray eyebrow hair, or chin hair. Or when I ache for a week after trying to keep up with the kids at a water park. But if you spend too much time lamenting what once was, you lose the ability to live in the moment.

This is very true and I do get a bit tired of the MN gang who bang the “ ill health issues are all your own fault for not living on lentils and worshipping the BMI charts” drum.

Because most people I know who got very ill did not bring any of it upon themselves. There’s being careful within reason but there’s also luck. And no, when it comes to health, you don’t always make your own luck by drinking spirulina.

Of course it’s down to luck
but my friend didn’t do herself any favours by consuming thousands of calories every day

Damn I do live on lentils. But that's cultural, so I hope I may be forgiven. Of course bad luck can strike anyone. Especially cancer.

That said, I feel better when I try to stay healthy and can see the impact on my body.

Sorry: no offence meant to lentils in particular!

No and there are extreme cases.

But the problem is that those extreme cases have been allowed to colour the whole spectrum, so that the further someone is from near obsessive health focus, the more they are seen to “ deserve” their illness. And I just don’t that’s how illness works.

Badly. Everything hurts.

You dye your hair, Slap on a decent cream and get on with it.

I don't know how I 'cope'.
Tried to think about it and I'm coming up blank.

I joke about it, maybe that's it?

I mean, there's not much to cope with. You're born, you age, you die. If you're lucky you get to do a lot of aging before you die.

I'm 66, still working full-time (need to, financially, but would probably also do so if I didn't!), and am told that I look in my mid-fifties. I carry a bit more weight than most would like (top end of BMI normal range) and I thoroughly recommend this - it keeps the skin on the face 'plumped-up' which makes one look younger.

I have short hair which is cut every 5 weeks, into a very modern style, and I have blue and purple highlights.

I'm very fussy about looking after my face; never wear make-up (other than on eyes) but always cleanse and moisturise (another Boots skincare fan). I would never have any anti-aging procedures (unless medically necessary) - I think they make everyone look the same and take all the character out of a face (just my opinion).

I try very hard to eat a healthy diet (have been vegetarian since my twenties) but focus most on it being balanced. I don't stress about food!

Most of all, though, for me it's about attitude. I'm a person of faith, and believe that everything we have comes from God, so I practice gratitude for all the good things and ask for help with the difficult bits. And, at 66, I'm more aware with each passing month that every day is a bonus, so I try to enjoy them, hour by hour, and not worry about what's to come.

I don't view aging as something to cope with. It's futile to try! Aging will happen to me regardless. I will never look like a 25yo again and I will always look older than 25yos. That's fine. It's how it should be.

However while my face isn't as smooth, I'm a million times more confident in both my body and mind, and I'm also a million times fitter (I did no exercise in my early 20s on account of not needing to). I'll take 40yo me any day.

I do focus a lot more on fitness and exercise because while I think trying to look "youthful" in your 40s is a bit ridiculous, trying to be healthy at any age is sensible and will hopefully keep me independent and fit for as long as possible.

I was only joking @Calliopespa 😀.

I have posted too much on this thread because I am not working this week. But other things I do is try to surround myself with good older role models- my mum and a friend who is a decade older- and also watch a lot of "older lady" content. Like Happy Valley with the fabulous Sarah Lancashire
Mare of Easttown
Slow Horses
Grace and Frankie
Bad Sisters

Dont watch anything with Nicole Kidman or Jennifer Aniston in it. Will make you feel worse.

I so get it OP! Similar age here.

Heres what I’ve been doing:
Take the Feel hair supplement
Take a good menopause supplement
Really good skincare
Regular exercise, even just a good 1 hour walk, then some running and some weights / Pilates
Regular hair appointments (I’m currently keeping mine bobbed and using some good masks and oils to prevent more breakage)
Clothes! I heard of ‘dopamine dressing’ and I try and make an effort with my wardrobe - Vinted has been a godsend

I did also have Botox for the first time this year but not totally sold on it. Ask me again in another 10 years though!!

I am finding this phase of life is really prioritising you, looking after yourself.

@Offtheroof
Also early 50's and I flipping love your comment👏😍

So michael moseley was wrong?

@Autumnorganising Well done for all you are doing. I eat healthily, walk loads and trying to build in some weights/resistance without risking the pelvic floor.

My whole life I've always thought I looked hideous, and only in retrospect do I ever give myself any grace and think 'I wasn't that bad'. So I figure I'll feel the same about now-me in a few years time as well.

I used to kill myself on the treadmill all the time wanting to be thin; now I lift weights and do Pilates because I want to be stronger and more flexible with good bones and muscle to take me into later life. I think about what I enjoy at the gym, rather than what punishing regime I can endure. My focus has shifted from outside to in, external markers of validation to internal - as much as that's possible, I mean I still get the occasional glimpse of my reflection in a shop window or see an unflattering photo and let it make me feel bad.

I also like the life stage of my 40s better; I found young children really challenging (the sleep deprivation!) and I love it now they're older and everything is more fun. I feel confident in my professional abilities (most of the time!) and that helps too. I think I put less importance on my appearance and I think about the life I want to lead when I'm old and all the sources of satisfaction and self worth I can have - creative outlets, enjoyable pursuits, travel etc and how none of those are affected by wrinkles or grey hair.

But maybe if I'd always been beautiful, I'd feel worse about looking older, I guess I feel like I didn't have all that much in the way of looks to lose! I like to buy nice clothes, and spend money on them rather than keeping up with fast fashion, I think there are ways to look good without having to be a gorgeous 25 year old.

It is disconcerting to see changes when you look in a mirror, and it can feel like control is slipping away. I mostly feel at peace with it, but it can be jarring every now and again.

Well he did a lot to help people with pre diabetic issues; but tragically he is no longer with us. And it wasn’t his bmi that got him. Ironically, it might have been getting in his “steps a day.”

Eta I don’t mean that unkindly. He seemed a lovely man who did talk a lot of sense but ultimately perhaps one of his most helpful legacies is a reminder that we are all human and vulnerable in our bodily state, and humbly acknowledging we can’t necessarily control our fate is helpful in keeping perspective.

Things I do:

Drink 2 litres of water every day

Prioritise sleep

Moisturise face and body every day

Daily yoga, even if only 15 minutes to stay flexible

Intermittent fasting (this has made me feel amazing!)

Take my vitamins and eat my vegetables

Walk and lift some weights each week

Read erotic fiction..... it's helped my libido no end and DH is delighted 🤣

Cross my fingers and hope I have the good fortune to get older

I try to only look in mine without my reading glasses on. 🙂