To wonder how you cope with aging?

[Newname85]

I am 43. Perimenopausal - with all the bells and whistles. My skin looks/feels thin, dry and lacklustre. I’m losing a lot of hair, also have lots of grey hair esp in the front.

How do you cope with all this, with getting old?

I lost my best male friend at 31 to cancer. He had a 2 year old daughter.

Then another childhood best friend died at 42 from cancer leaving behind an 11 year old.

I don't begrudge aging.

That said I will say having horrific cystic acne as a teenager seemed to have helped my skin at 47. I don't have any lines on my face other than crows feet which I got young and I actually love. I have big eyes and they started in my 30's.

Also sunscreen. Been wearing it everyday for years and years. I rarely drink. Not sure if that has helped.

I use a hair mask every other day. My hair has a few greys and it's down my back. There's a lot of it but the texture has gotten a little bit drier over the last year. I just make sure It's conditioned enough to be soft and healthy looking. I think healthy hair short or long looks more youthful.

I mitigate what I can and make peace with the rest.

Will a small amount of Botox help? Get it. Dye your hair if it makes you feel more confident. Smother your skin in as many acids and oils needed to rejuvenate what you have. But I don't fight tooth and nail against the ageing process because I don't want to look like a caricature of myself. I'm happy looking my age as long as I feel good when I look in the mirror.

I haven't had Botox yet but it's definitely something I'm considering in the next year as my lines are deepening and making me look more tired and angry but I do have a great simple skincare routine, take supplements, eat well, dye my greys and avoid the sun.

It's all about working with what you've got.

43 is pretty young. I’m 60, youngest child has left university. My husband is 65 and disabled, I’ve the usual aches and pains but am making efforts to deal with them through diet and exercise. We’re both really looking forward to a new lease of life when we retire.

Make time for yourself, eat well, try to get a good sleep pattern going, take some exercise. Do things that you love.

I don't know that it's coping, more having a different mindset for a different phase of life.

I'm trying to look after myself as best I can, to feel good now and as I get older - any aesthetic benefits are an added bonus. The same with eating well, it's finding what works for me: real foods, enough protein and some resistance training to keep up muscle mass, along with yoga and walking.

I'm also coming to a point where I am no longer in a parent/carer role and am starting to look forward to finding a new purpose for myself.

On a more superficial (but no less enjoyable) point, I take care of my skin, hair and love clothes and style.

Please can you describe your 40 something self for comparison .

I like the idea of aging backwards - even if it’s s bit Dorian Grey …

Thsnk you. My first marriage was awful. My second marriage is so very different. My husband often says he hopes we get to grow very, very old together. I hope we get to sit in a ( very expensive) care home together laughing ourselves silly about things that mean something only to us. If that means that everything has sagged a lot I don't really care.

I've been coping with the pain of having my health plummet over the past decade after a head injury and post concussion syndrome before being injured by psychotropic drugs that left me with a permanent neurological involuntary movement disorder called tardive dyskinesia.... now, aged 43 with the joys of perimenopause, I'm loving life...! 😄💔😉

Onwards and upwards, I keep telling myself. I've been to the depths of hell in the past decade with my body quite literally out of control (imagine not having control over your head/mouth/tongue movements)..but as PP have said, the alternative is pretty shitty. Having watched my DB die dreadfully aged 34 from bowel cancer, my take on it is to keep on going and fight till the sodding end. I've had a lot of horrible times, things can only get better 😄😬🤣

How did your eyes start in your thirties? I’m not sure what this meant ..,

eta oh don’t worry: I see you mean crow’s feet!

You are an inspiration.

Bless you, that's made me all teary. Thank you so much 💖 xxxx

Age is just a number to me. I’m happy to be here and be 40. Embrace the change.

I'm colouring my hair since I was 24 so grey hair isn't anything new for Mr (I'm also 43!) I noticed my skin a bit dull so have booked in for an enzyme facial next week. Other than that I just don't think about it, always making plans, looking to the future. I have my health, that's a gift. I think it's all about attitude and being grateful for your blessings.

Could have written this verbatim.

I really meant it: you are.

I’m in my early 50’s and here’s how perimenopause has affected me. My monthly migraines are gone - thank the Lord! Men no longer ogle at me or make inappropriate advances/sexual comments towards me, which leaves me free to go about my day in peace, invisible as I like.
I no longer have periods, not sure whether this is full on menopause or because I have a Mirena coil which stops periods anyway so hard to tell.
No more feelings of frustration due to dh’s sex drive being lower than mine because my sex drive has now gone down to match his.
But the best thing of all is that I have lost all of my give-a-shit hormones! I simply no longer give a shit about the things I used to worry about! I used to think that all of the fussing and worrying about my children, the over-the-top caring about my dh’s feelings, and about what people thought of me were a part of my personality, that it was all because I was such a nice and caring person. Then peri hit and I realised it was all just hormones! Hormones that were designed to make me put everyone before myself, so that (from an evolutionary point of view) if I had a baby I would put their needs before my own - which I did, for years. Don’t get me wrong, I still love and care for my dh and dcs but the intensity and guilt have subsided. What a relief! I do sometimes toy with the idea of trying hrt, but I'm scared the give-a-shit hormones and the headaches will come back.
My sense of style has gone to the dogs - it seems that whatever outfit I put on I always end up looking like the menopausal alcoholic art teacher I had in the eighties who would sneak into the cupboard during lessons for a cheeky swig of vodka. But instead of letting it annoy me it amuses me no end and I try to embrace it in a Helena Bonham Carter kind of way.
And every day I remind myself, it doesn’t matter what age you are, how fat, thin, healthy or unhealthy you are, there is nothing to stop you from dying your hair an outrageous colour, putting on some red lipstick and sticking up two fingers to all the people who give a shit! Fear not my friend, the blessings of old age are upon you.

The way humans always have, just by doing it. We age, it's inevitable, so we have to just suck it up. Concentrate on the pluses, more confidence, maybe more financial security, seniority at work, more freedom as children grow etc. Don't look in mirrors more than you absolutely have to.

@eurochick
You can have some kinds of hrt with family history of breast cancer.

I would recommend starting a hair routine where you regularly have it coloured/streaked and never allow your roots to show. My friend is the same age as me and has hers done, I just went grey. She looks a lot younger than me.

My beautiful mum never got to old age so I embrace it.

Funnily enough, I nearly posted something similar tonight. I’m 47, perimenopause is in full swing and I feel old. Maybe ‘not young’ is a better description. I’ve aged rapidly over the last 5 years. I looked ok and younger than my age pre-covid. Now I look like a frumpy middle aged woman with grey hair and a rapidly expanding waistline.

I feel like I have lost all sense of my own identity. Clothes I used to wear and like no longer suit me thanks to the large waist and I’ve no idea how to dress. I paid for style advice from one of those people that does your colours and she said I was an apple but I hate the clothes she suggested for me. I don’t feel like myself in them.

I am trying to lose weight and I am starting to exercise more. I have been thinking about Botox for a few years, this thread is making me think I should go for it.

@Offtheroof amen to that! I agree the not giving a shit is rather liberating.

By being a none smoking, none drinking, none meat eating weightlifter. I'm soon to turn 38 and think I can still confidently say I look a decent amount younger than I am. In reality though my body is fucked. I've torn a rotator cuff I'm waiting on surgey for. I broke an ankle in a motorcycle accident 4 years ago that never fully recovered. I did my knees in at the same time and combined with the abuse they've taken in the gym, I'll probably need keyhole surgery at some point to deal with whatever cartilage issue is going on there. 🙃

Several of my dearest friends died before our mid 20s. I just feel so lucky to have had all this extra time.

What does everyone automatically say be happy to be alive when people ask about aging? Or bring up stuff about why bother trying to be attractive to men? Can’t we just want to have healthy not gray hair while being happy to be alive and not caring whether men find us attractive?

It's literally my honest answer to the question though. Why shouldn't I give it? I've never stewed over signs of aging. It's what happens.