To wonder how you cope with aging?

[Newname85]

I am 43. Perimenopausal - with all the bells and whistles. My skin looks/feels thin, dry and lacklustre. I’m losing a lot of hair, also have lots of grey hair esp in the front.

How do you cope with all this, with getting old?

Peri is miserable. Are you in HRT? Makes a massive difference - but don't do what I did and under-medicate because of the 'take the least you can' philosophy. Take what you need to feel good.

Yes, your body changes, even with HRT, but once you've passed the menopause it all settles down again and you learn to embrace your new you. And use lots of moisturiser!

The big positives of menopause:

1. No periods, obviously. No flooding, no bad timing, no PMS, no cramps, no one-a-month jeans/bras for your bloated days.

2. Less grease. Oily T-zone becomes pleasant skin. No more pimples (see Point 1). Hair doesn't go from Day 1 Unstylable Fluff to Day 2 Stylable to Day 3 CHIP PAN! I can go a week or more without washing my hair, and it stays on Day 2 Stylable throughout. Needs very gentle shampoo.

3. No more fucks to give changes from "I'm too tired/overwhelmed/angry to care anymore" to "Actually, I don't care."

When I am an old woman I shall wear purple
With a red hat which doesn’t go, and doesn’t suit me.
And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves
And satin sandals, and say we’ve no money for butter.
I shall sit down on the pavement when I’m tired
And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells
And run my stick along the public railings
And make up for the sobriety of my youth.
I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
And pick flowers in other people’s gardens
And learn to spit.
You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat
And eat three pounds of sausages at a go
Or only bread and pickle for a week
And hoard pens and pencils and beermats and things in boxes.
But now we must have clothes that keep us dry
And pay our rent and not swear in the street
And set a good example for the children.
We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.
But maybe I ought to practise a little now?
So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised
When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.

Jenny Joseph

Clearly, you also forget how to count 😂

@TheDogsMother sorry about your diagnosis but what is "imbalance" hrt?

It's such a privilege to age. You need to change your mindset.

This with bells on!!

You just feel grateful that you’re not dead.

Four of my friends died in their early 40s. Those who had children never got to see them grow up. I have no problem aging and feel very fortunate to get to do so. I do highlight my hair and take some vitamins though. It helps with some of the things that kick in with perimenopause.

This absolutely. i also swear a lot, dress how I like and do what I like. Oh wait.....I always did.....

You accept it's better than the alternative. My mum was first diagnosed with breast cancer at 46. She's still going but because of that I've been aware of my own health and mortality since my 20s. And then in my 40s I lost three lovely peers far too early (one breast cancer, one inflammatory breast cancer and one bowel cancer, all in their 40s).

That said, I have to agree with the poster who warned of the difference between 40 and 50. I'm late 40s now and peri has really done a number on me. I still looked good in my early 40s. Around 46-48 I gained a stone, all around my waist, my face sagged, my hair changed texture, I lost all joie de vivre and have no short term memory. I'm trying to get through it without HRT because of my risk of risk cancer but it is absolutely shit.

HRT
Watch make up videos for over 40s. Buy up to date products and use in up to date ways. It has made a huge difference for me.
Find a really good hairdresser.
If you wear glasses make sure they are up to date and suit your face / lifestyle. Buy several different styles to go with different outfits.
Exercise. I use Fabulous 50s on You Tube.Absolutely brilliant for keeping menopause tummy at bay.
Go through your wardrobe. Get rid of things that don't suit, are too big/ small, are worn out. There is nothing more unflattering and ageing than a baggy fleece and cropped trousers. If you have these burn them.
Eat good food.
Drink good quality wine in small quantities. Alcohol is terrible for post menopause skin.
If you smoke/ vape then stop. It's the most ageing thing you can ever do.

OP, kindly…why should I worry if the hair on my head is that colour or this colour? If my skin is plump or has lines in it? Either the concern is about being less sexually attractive or being a bit closer to death. The first, I could not give a shit about and the other has been happening daily since birth. What do you have against the elderly?

I totally agree. I'm early 50s now and feel the perimenopause is just starting to kick in more noticeably. I have a collagen issue that means I probably won't get wrinkles for a good number of years, but do have dry skin and have noticed my hair is suddenly a lot dryer. Have you found any way to address the hair texture?

Why does menopause affect short term memory, I’ve read that a few times today?

That's great news about your all clear from cancer. Wishing you lots of happiness for the future!

I thank my lucky stars I live in a free country compared to women in Iran and Afghanistan etc.

I can wear what I like and can vote and drive and leave house without male escort and do not have to wear a veil or hijab.

My children get exact same chances at education regardless of sex.

So yes, aging is not a concern compared to these things.

I thank fuck that it gets to happen.

With a good wind, you have another 40 odd years or more to cope with

I just don't care.
I'm getting older, that's the way it is, if other people don't like it, it's their problem.

I avoid mirrors

I look at my friends who are aging in the same way and I just think.. I'm normal! I recently dropped my ds off at airport to go travelling and saw loads of others his age doing the same and actually felt no different to them.. even though the mirror says otherwise!

I'm 62 and to quote those awful signs you just 'keep on, keeping on' because there isn't an alternative- I'm at the point where I am delighted if people think I'm mid 50s!! It does have bonuses that you kind of are more focussed ( this is me anyway) than if you 'feel' well and ok on any given day rather than do you 'look great' ( couldn't really give a shit on that! )

How do you cope with all this, with getting old

Its better than the alternative.

I always say be glad you had it, when you had it, because you won’t have it again! If you enjoyed your youth, looked nice, had a laugh... Then hold onto those great memories.

Get ready for a new, different era. Everything will change. But, it might be good! Try new hair, a new style maybe? Reinvent yourself. Ditch anything that’s not working anymore.

Depends if you mean aging as in slowing down, the odd ache and pain, print getting smaller or the superficial stuff of wrinkles and grey hair.
At 43 you are young so good time to improve health

Also. My wonderful second husband was widowed at 38. He's now 62 and we've been married for 20 years. He's had a whole other life , helped me bring up my 2 children and is a fantastic grandad. His late wife would have loved to have lived all those years with him but cancer robbed her of the chance. I never knew her but I think of her often when I see a wrinkle or feel fed up about the menopause. She died before she reached 40. I've had years and years more than she had and I hope to have years and years more. Getting old is a massive privilege. Being a granny generally means you are over 50. I wouldn't trade any of it for the lovely face I had in my 20s.

@AngelinaFibres you sound a really lovely lady- what a great attitude .