DH called me a pathetic b****

[Piouspenny]

Our neighbours sent some cupcakes with my son when he returned from a play date. . Unfortunately, they weren't particularly nice so I threw them away; DS and DH aren't particularly fond of cakes so wouldn't have eaten them.

I mentioned this to DS in passing when he asked where the cupcakes were. A few days later, when over their house, he told the neighbours that I threw them away.

It's caused some friction with the neighbours and they have made it clear DS is no longer welcome at their house, which has left him feeling very upset.

DH has placed the blame squarely on me, calling me a bitch, amongst other things.

I know I shouldn't have said anything but I think swearing and being abusive isn't acceptable.

This. I think you need to think about whether your blunt attitude comes across as rude. I can be a bit like this but work to keep it in check as I know how I can come across if I don’t! And throwing out the cakes before anyone else could try them is rude and controlling. Maybe also teach your son the value of the white lie!

Just really him; he is incredibly sensitive and thinks others are the same.
His anger was about me telling DS the cupcakes weren't nice, he said I should have told a white lie. I said he was being wet, and it just escalated.
I agree we are very ill suited to each other.

But he is right you should have told a white lie. That isn't being wet it's called being considerate of other people's feelings.

Why didn’t you though there was no need to lie just not tell the brutal truth all the time and there is a difference

yiu hide behind the fact that you are telling the truth and the truth is always right but the truth isn’t always just one thing

Sometimes though a white lie is a useful tool, what harm would it have done to tell your son that you had dropped them on the floor? How would that equate to being walked all over? Maybe you are thick skinned and don’t have your feelings hurt easily but not everyone is like that and it doesn’t mean that they are wet or over sensitive.

He still shouldn’t have called you names
but you sound quite unpleasant in some
ways OP. Your bluntness was completely unnecessary here and has caused a
lot of upset, not least of all for your son.

As for your husband, I don’t condone his language but if you were bringing up my son to be just like you, I’d have a few choice words for you as well.

You wouldn’t have had to tell a white lie if you had just done the normal thing and let them decide for themselves, so the argument about lying/telling the truth is moot anyway!

you still haven’t answered why you threw them away? And you won’t answer because it sounds like you orchestrated all this just to pick a fight, cause agro for everyone then play the victim. You even just said that you started the name calling!

you sound insufferable.

Do you think that this could be why the neighbours don't want you around anymore?

If a child is rude but the parents seem decent I give the benefit of the doubt, they'll probably grow out of the rudeness with some guidance. If both the child and the parents come across as rude then I'm less likely to want them around.

Why didn't you leave the cupcakes out for them to try?

Now they are going to have to deal with this shitty neighbour situation, which easily could have been avoided.

And his family, and the neighbours

But your neighbours aren't speaking to you anymore because of what you did/said. Not because of him.
So either he is right and you were being a bitch or everybody is incredibly sensitive.

Calling him wet wasn't exactly a pleasant thing to call your spouse. I am not surprised he reacted. If you despise him and his family, just end it. Let him find someone who treats him and the people around him better.

Sorry, but I think that you are in the wrong. My mother was like you and she fell out with everyone.

I would just apologise to the neighbours, maybe tell a white lie saying actually they fell on the floor so you had to throw them and it was a misunderstanding/poor communication thing. If they continue to snub you, so what, you apologised. It"s not Ramsey Street, you don't need to be friends with everyone you live close to.

It was quite bitchy though calling your husband 'wet', it's very insulting in it's own right.

Maybe you are being wet for getting offended by being called b1%#@
After all your husband was only being honest.

Imagine if it was a man on here whining about being called a 'prick' or a 'dickhead' after totally acting like one.

I suppose the neighbours are wet too for being upset. And your son for being upset over losing his friend. You're just tellin' it like it is, it's not your fault they can't handle it. 🙄

what do you want to happen?
Do you want to make up with the neighbours for being rude? Buy them a car and flowers

Do you want to control what your ds eats at all times, perhaps leave the cakes until they have gone off rather than chucking in the bin as you've decided they wouldn't eat them

How frustrating for your husband. He clearly sees the behaviours your mum modelled for you and doesn’t want the same to happen to DS.

You sound very difficult. It is actually really embarrassing to have a family member who constantly has to ‘tell it like it is’. The majority of people want to get along with their neighbours, local school etc., not fall out with everyone. If you’re not careful whenever people think of your family they will think of how rude you are and how uncomfortable it makes people. That’s so unfair on your DH and DS.

Have you ever genuinely considered that your inane opinions on cupcakes etc are not that important? You know you can sometimes just smile and have a nice day rather than drag everything down.

OP should apologise to neighbours and tell them her son is on a diet or has sugar in blood, GP has told you he’s developing diabetes etc.., (insert your fav excuse) and to keep him happy you lied to him and told him you binned them but in reality you hid them in a pantry and enjoyed them for tea with the husband. Tell them they were delicious and thank you so much for them.

Ah, you’re one of those people who takes pride in telling it like it is and who starts every sentence with ‘I’m not being funny, but…’

If the name calling is a new thing, it sounds like he is rapidly reaching the end of his tether with you. Completely unacceptable, of course, but indicative that he doesn’t hold you in very high regard. I’d ask yourself what you want for the future. Do you actually want to stay married? Because you sound like your relationship is miserable for you both and you’re both behaving really badly. Does he speak to you like this in any other respect? Do you feel like you’re repeating your mum’s behaviour? Do you even like each other? At the very least, you need some marriage counselling. Somewhere where you can both say how you’re feeling and discover whether he’s an abusive arse who won’t let you express yourself, or you’re so draining to live with that he can’t stand you for another minute. Personally, I think it might be a combination of the two.

God only knows what your kids are learning from this dynamic.

Is it any worse than -
“Mike, I can’t believe you’re getting upset over something so trivial, you’re being a dickhead”
“Tom, you’re using porn when I asked you not to, stop being an arsehole!”
”Andy, what’s wrong with you? You never tell your wife she’s put on weight after having your children, don’t be a wanker!”

Ive realised I put buy them a car - meant card, im sure a free car would sweeten you throwing away their cupcakes...

😂😂😂

I'm not sure on overall dynamics in your relationship, but on this scene, I am with your DH 🤔 however, I don't not agree with the horrible name-calling...but maybe, this is typically how you BOTH argue? If not, that's a separate issue that needs dealing with.

Why couldn't your child decide for themselves? You can still limit how many🤷‍♀️ birds are getting pretty hungry this time of year 😉

White lie: the cat/dog got to them first...I dropped them in the washing up bowl when putting in cupboard...daddy ate them thinking they were for him...or,

"I smelt them and wasn't sure if a flavour you would like offer, decides they're not nice hmm, what do you think we should say IF asked? We don't want to hurt their feelings, they've clearly gone to the effort of baking them for you - how about we put them outside for the birds and if we see them, just say 'thank you'?" Do not mention how lovely they were 😉 just incase more appear.

Yes you were being honest (I would probably voice my distaste to my DH and let him try 😉, but not my young child!), but surely you've learnt children have a thing for blurting out before they consider their audience 🙄 You didn't pause for a second to consider nor teach your child the act of being diplomatic or the joy in sharing food/Interest with another, even if not to their liking (I find too much talk of cars boring, but you bet I'll listen to and share in my child's enthusiasm when sharing the latest spec of his favourite car!) 😐 as your friend that knows you, I might chuckle, feel embarrassed or call you a "cheeky bitch"...this mum clearly isn't experienced or welcoming in your version of 'honesty' and instead chose to extend the 'f off' to you, and your child. I'm not sure if I would necessarily take it out on your child (I would assume being influenced by others 👀) but unless pushed by my child, I likely wouldn't encourage another visit and would distance myself from you 🤷‍♀️ mainly because it could become obvious, the apple may not fall far from the tree cough

No loss to you though is it, 'wet' person eradicated...your child however has missed a life lesson and a playmate.

You should have the decency to apologise to everybody. Just hold your hand up, you made a stupid decision and should regret it.

Sounds like OP has had enough of him.

She’s realised they’re ill suited and she feels stifled by him so she should leave him.

He can find another ‘pathetic bitch’ to clean up after him.