DH called me a pathetic b****

[Piouspenny]

Our neighbours sent some cupcakes with my son when he returned from a play date. . Unfortunately, they weren't particularly nice so I threw them away; DS and DH aren't particularly fond of cakes so wouldn't have eaten them.

I mentioned this to DS in passing when he asked where the cupcakes were. A few days later, when over their house, he told the neighbours that I threw them away.

It's caused some friction with the neighbours and they have made it clear DS is no longer welcome at their house, which has left him feeling very upset.

DH has placed the blame squarely on me, calling me a bitch, amongst other things.

I know I shouldn't have said anything but I think swearing and being abusive isn't acceptable.

And the behaviour some people think it justifies. Honesty as a weapon and you're supposed to take it and not say anything because it's the truth.

I wasn't going to mention it on thread.. but it did make me consider sending some cupcakes round to all the neighbours just in case any were feeling generous!

Think it’s pretty awful to behave that way when someone does something nice and especially if they’re gifting you something they made.

You should have disposed of them and created a white lie. Children talk

Some serious over reaching going on there @Tellysavelas

They’re OP’s own words, she said she feels stifled by him and that she feels they’re ill suited.

And the cup cakes were left to her to dispose of. He could have sorted it and told his son.

While calling you a bitch is unacceptable it seems as though your responses to different situations are difficult for him. You have already said there have been difficulties with his family.

I expect he now sees your responses to situations being extended to your child who has now lost a playmate. Is it possible he sees a pattern starting here? I would expect that there have been other instances that have been overlooked prior to the cake incident.
It was very rude of you to throw the cakes away thereby preventing your husband and son from making their own choices and reaching their own conclusions. Very controlling behaviour.
I feel sorry for your son. No doubt the other family will speak to their friends about your behaviour. They will certainly be on alert and possibly more aware of any interactions with you and this could impact your son. This is something your husband seems to be reacting to.

Repeatedly behaving in a way that alienates and isolates your partner and child from their family, friends and neighbours is abusive.

Your behaviour was abusive, you then called him names on top of that, and he reacted. That doesn't make him abusive, it's still you.

I don't think DH even knew about them, the son bought them home and OP threw them in the bin before anyone else had a chance to have any.

She was rude to throw the cakes away, she was rude to call her husband 'wet' for voicing an opinion on how it would have been better handled in a more tactful manner. He is obviously angry that the son is being punished for what he describes as repeated negative and unnecessarily critical behaviour from her towards others.

I suspect OP feels stifled because her husband wants her to be more considerate and she just wants to tell everyone "like it is", it is quite clear from her posts that OP obviously thinks her opinion is the only opinion that matters, otherwise she wouldn't have binned the cakes in the first place.

You called your husband “wet” because he suggested being considerate of others’ feelings? wow

So you started the name calling and nastiness, not him. He didn't call you a bitch out of nowhere. I expect you were just telling it like it is huh. Apparently though he's not allowed to tell it like it is, just you. And I expect the neighbours have dealt with more instances of your rudeness and this was the last straw. You've hurt your son, alienated your ILs, alienated your neighbours and hurt your DH with your behaviour, but that's all just people being wet and you should be able to say whatever nasty thing you think is the truth. You don't know if DS would have found the cupcakes bad. Someone is not wet because they don't want to be rude and nasty to other people. Your opinion is just your opinion and not some magical absolute truth you should batter all the people around you with.

I’m also team husband I won’t lie, I’m already thinking what he said, and he’s living with it,

The cupcakes were left to OP to dispose of? Nobody needed to dispose of them so soon. OP didn’t like them and decided to bin them before anyone else got a look in.

OP said ‘DS and DH aren't particularly fond of cakes so wouldn't have eaten them.’

Clearly the kid asked for a cake. And she told them they tasted like shit and she binned them.

She never said the kid asked for a cake.

Except DS went looking for one…

Yeah she did, it’s right there in the op, I’m not here to help with reading comprehension

I mentioned this to DS in passing when he asked where the cupcakes were

Did your ds make the cupcakes on the play date?
And your dh is correct. White lie to save people's feelings.

That doesn’t mean he wanted to eat one, as OP has said he doesn’t like cakes. I’m not here to teach nuance.

No kids just ask where cakes are out of curiousity, you’re right.

Oh Lordy I hope not because that would be awful

If he likes cakes maybe but OP says he doesn’t.

🙄

You are working so hard to make out OP behaved reasonably 🤣

I’m just going by the OP, who has been honest about her own shortcomings too. But people still love to stick the boot in.