To be annoyed our babysitter met up with a male friend while taking care of my two children?

[BMCoffee]

22yo regular babysitter apparently met up with her male "best friend" at the park while taking care of my 1yo and 4yo. No permission, and she hasn't told us about it. My 4yo son went on and on about the babysitters friend, giving his name and loads of detail. I've never met this person.

I'm right that this is wrong from a safeguarding perspective, as well as cheeky af to be socialising on paid time, right?!

I told a friend and she didn't see the harm in it..

Why though? What if it was a woman with no children? I don’t see why it matters. If the argument is that she couldn’t possibly be able to watch the kids while talking to a friend then why is it different if it’s a female friend with children?

I had nanny who did at times meet friends while she had my child/ren.
As long as they were outside and my child was safe I was ok. Mainly, other mums and Nannies were the eyes and ears as everything she did was walking with double buggy.

I did have an issue when my daughter cried at bedtime, upset that nanny and make friend were talking loud and man said nanny was a liar. (And man drank her drink -they were at a cafe)
This really made me angry, don’t want my child her her fights.

Nanny denied it all. Fired her shortly after as her mis-deeds were adding up.

she might just need reminding

If you pay someone to care for your kids, you can say you don't want them to socialise during that time

You shouldn't have to.

Our nanny has and does meet up with friends when taking the children to the park, beach etc. I have absolutely no problem with it. That said if you have a contact with her that forbids it, well, contract is the contract. You’re being incredibly harsh though. She’s your nanny/au pair, not your slave

I've always thought being an au pair must be an absolute dog's life for the young and easily exploitable.

This thread hasn't changed my opinion.

I have done similar when babysitting in the day.

In my case the extra pairs of hands I often got were people who were teachers and one was male. 😱

BTW no male teacher wants to be alone with children.

Luckily there are people who don't treat their au pairs or any of the people they hire to help in their home like that.

I have family and friends who have had au pairs. The au pairs for decades afterwards when they came to the UK would meet up with the family. This won't happen with the OP.

how do you know he wasn't on his own with her children? It only takes ten minutes for a man who is interested in children to take a child to the toilet and abuse them. Often children are what attract a man to a woman who seems not to have much clue about protecting them

I don't think she did anything wrong

Agree.

You are completely overreacting OP.

The 4 year old would have told the OP as she takes the 4 year olds word on everything.

The vast majority of men do not want to be alone with any child that isn't theirs due to people like you.

Did she plan to take them to the park with her friend or did she bump into someone she knew?

I think its less worrying that it was outside in public, this man wasn't in your home.

But I can understand why this is a concern. Just talk to her

It's this bit that gets me

"It was a public space, but that's not the point! When with my kids, I decide what she does and who she sees, as I'm the parent. She is providing a service to us, she's not doing a favour."

No. You as the parent decided to put your trust in this form of childcare. You cannot dictate who she sees and what she does.

What does that even look like. You may take to park but speak to nobody. If the child falls or runs off shout no names.

In the event of an emergency allow nobody to help.

You have NO idea on what happened. You are taking a child's word. That she chatted to a friend. That's it. What if it was a book. Or a game. Or a complete story.

Would you prefer

Mummy we spoke to strangers in the park.

I think the fact that you started your post with 22 yo babysitter got you off to a bad start. It sounded very much like a casual arrangement.

I still fail to see how her age is relevant. Would you have said 40 yo childminder?

An au pair person is supposed to be like a member of your family, that's what 'au pair' means. The relationship isn't exactly that of an employer to an employee. They aren't the same as a nanny. Maybe you need a nanny rather than a jeune fille au pair.

Quite

The terminology you use and your expectations of her are somewhat strange. You seem very focused on (read that as pissed off) that she dared to socialise whilst you were paying her... She takes care of your children, presumably they like her-as long as she was still paying attention to what they were doing at the park I really don't see the issue. But hey, feel free to question her on it, though don't be surprised if this alienates her somewhat and be prepared to look for someone else to care for your children, whom they like-If I was her your need to micromanage would have me packing.

Im aware I've been a nanny for 20 years+

If you don't trust her, don't employ her.
It works both ways, you're not doing her a favour either.

You sound very difficult to work for, OP.

@SherbetSweeties then you will i am sure understand that the expectations that are expected from a nanny and the quality of care form an au pair will differ and the wage will reflect that.

My understanding of the au pair role is that they're supposed to be more like a responsible older sibling/family member than a professional nanny. So I wouldn't see a problem with her chatting to a friend in a public park, as long as she was still interacting with the children and keeping them safe.

Surely if you want a nanny-style service, you have to pay nanny rates?

I saw this on Mumsnet with a Nanny. It was a resounding No - you are not being unreasonable and No, she shouldn't be doing this.

@pollymere nanny is different from an au pair. if you want a nanny standard of child care then hire a nanny and pay nanny rates. it’s not that difficult to understand that the money you pay for child care will effect the quality of it

Me too.

If you don't trust her, don't employ her.
It works both ways, you're not doing her a favour either.

Yup