to wonder if I'm out of touch with conversational norms?

[Thisisntthowisawthisgoing]

I've noticed more and more that people are regularly interrupting or speaking over each other. Is this now the accepted norm?

In my upbringing, interrupting was considered rude, except for minor interruptions like a quick “mm-hmm” or “I know what you mean” that still allowed the original speaker to finish. Polite interruptions might happen for safety (“watch your step”) or could be smoothed over by looping back (“Sorry, Sandra, you were saying…”). Otherwise, you waited for the other person to finish.

Recently, though, I’ve found people just can’t seem to wait their turn. They’ll either completely talk over the speaker or take over with an “Oh, I know what you mean” and then carry on. I haven't noticed others being outwardly bothered by it, but I often leave these conversations feeling a bit deflated. It feels discourteous, and I end up hesitant to speak, wondering if I’m being dull or just not worth listening to.

I tried addressing this with friends by saying, “Sorry, I was talking, could I finish?” and was called out for being rude and “causing an atmosphere.” It wasn’t my intention, but it made me wonder—has interrupting become acceptable, and calling it out is now considered the rude bit?

Do I need to update my expectations of how conversations work these days?

No, you are right in your expectations. I say this as a serial interrupter. But I know I am wrong and am trying to change.

I do think that there are more people who drone on and on now. Maybe they listen to a lot of podcasts and that influences how they talk to people. Interrupting is still rude but I wonder if it's seen as more necessary for some people but then that makes it seem more acceptable to do to everyone.

I say " Sorry Sandra you were saying" a lot! DH is also a very slow speaker and I am a very fast one. However that's not an excuse.

I think its to do with less social contact. More WFH and so on. People spend more time alone and when they get a go of talking to someone it can all spill out twenty to the dozen.

Are you giving other people the opportunity to talk?

I find some people completely monopolise conversations given a chance, and that these are the sort of people who end up getting interrupted or talked over.

Actually, this is exactly why. I WFH most days so barely speak to anyone.

I've never understood how conversations should go tbh. I always thought interrupting was rude, you'd wait and allow them to make their point, then reflect and respond. I also expect to be listened to in return, for then to wait, reflect and respond.

It seems to me that people these days are very set in what they want to tell you. They won't listen to your responses because they have something else they want to say.

I remember talking about holidays with someone. And they had no interest in any holidays I'd had and just wanted to beat I to me that they'd been to Crete for a fortnight.. if I mentioned anywhere I'd been, they'd bring it back to Crete. If I asked where they'd like to go next, they'd bring it back to Crete. More like a list of information they want you to have than a two way chat iyswim

I have noticed a big difference in middle class vs working class speech style. Not new - i noticed it back in the 80s when i (working class) went to uni and it was largely middle class folks.

They do like to tell a story! And some of those stories are very long indeed! In a group situation, some like to hold court and have everyone listen - could easily be 20 mins.

Whereas working class more back and forth quick banter.

Even now, years later, i walk my dog with a very middle class friend once a week and her stories are interesting but i think she does take up 80% of the talking time!

I have to stop her sometimes or i'd never get a word in!

I think some people are never taught not to interrupt by their parents. Even at 10+ they'll interrupt when you are mid sentence talking to their parent and the parent will attend to them immediately. It always seems to be something non urgent, so they just never learn not to do it.

I was brought up similarly but I have noticed the art of conversation has been lost as a conversation includes a dialogue and too often I find people like to deliver monologues and this is just as rude. Disclaimer, not suggesting that's what you were doing but people don't appear to have the concentration to listen to others or have interest in others and just enjoy talking about themselves. My anecdotal test of this is 9 times out of 10, you ask someone about themselves and they hardly ever ask you anything in return.

I actually do think this is some of it.

People are more likely to interrupt if they think someone is going on at length (monologuing) and dominating the conversation.

I grew up in a household where debate and dialogue were encouraged.

Interrupting is rude.

So is going on at length about a boring subject.

I won't wait for you to finish, I'll say - just seen someone over there I need to talk to, sorry need to top up my drink or whatever

My pet hate is boring people lecturing others.

My job involves customer service. When I'm giving advice to a customer and they interrupt it says to me that they aren't listening. And it's proven when they come back some time later and ask for instructions again 😩.

Or if they have a complaint and I'm trying to explain something they aren't interested they just want to interrupt and shout over me. Never mind the information I am trying to impart may give explanation to their problem and that it can help them find a solution. They just want to be the loudest.

i would ask if you're having a conversation, or if you're monologuing.

My ex Monologued, then would get offended when 'interrupted' but if you didn't ,he would just talk and talk and talk and no-one else could get a word in edge ways.

Conversation is meant to flow, its meant to be a back and fore, not one person just monopolising and expecting everyone to hang on their every word.

I grew up in a household where you had to railroad other people to make your voice heard. My dad was a motormouth: opinionated and garrulous (and I am pretty sure was ND and didn’t get social cues) so gave people no quarter in conversation. It was everyone for themselves.

I have quite a high tolerance for it now tbh: it wasn’t great in many respects and you are right that interrupting is rude but sometimes you have to learn to project yourself,

Its certainly not great for people to dominate the conversation. But people falling over themselves to #bepolite has a stultifying effect on conversation too. I would rather speak to someone a bit gobby but interesting than someone who is overly concerned with not interrupting.

I understand there’s a middle way 😀

Acknowledging what someone else is saying with an mmhmm or I know what you mean isn't an interruption, it's active listening.

Are you a monologuer with little social awareness? Conversations aren't a one way broadcast.

Yes, I've noticed this and a deterioration in manners generally. I don't think parents teach their kids these life skills any more. I had a visitor a few weeks ago who brought his two kids with him aged 5 and 9. He might as well've stayed at home. The kids interrupted non stop, non bloody stop. "Daddy look at my colouring book, daddy I want to sit on your lap, daddy I'm thirsty, daddy my finger hurts". Not once did my friend tell them to wait until he'd finished. I think we, as adults, shared about 10 words during the whole hour long visit. It was to discuss something fairly important too.

I do agree with you that interrupting is rude.

However, some people do seem to be going on endlessly these days - there’s not a break or an end to what they’re saying, and it’s hard to be in a conversation where you’re not able to get a word in.

I do struggle a lot if I can’t finish a sentence - like an itchy brain - but I don’t think my sentences are long!

I do feel it is just as rude to point out when somebody has interrupted you "if you'd just let me finish" etc. Rightly or wrongly, it sounds abrasive and results in the conversation becoming frosty. I have ADHD and I've had to learn how to stop interrupting people quite as much. I've never done it being intentionally rude but because I've been excited about what people are saying. Someone has said "please let me finish" to me before and it made me feel rubbish and shamed.

Yes this I find it infuriating, I can be having a chat and the child is constantly interrupting and rather than the parent saying I’m talking wait until I have finished they immediately turn away and respond to the child so when said children become adults they continue this behaviour because what they have learnt from the parent is that what they have to say is far more important than what anyone else has to say.

My husband, sons and I are all
interrupters. It’s really annoying, but we all do it. Our conversations tend to be lively so we talk over each other to make points.

I am pretty sure I don’t do it outside of immediate family and it drives me nuts if colleagues do it in face to face meetings. I actually prefer big meetings to be on Teams. They’re more mannerly as participants put up their hands to speak.

Conversation is definitely an art form!

I don't find a lot of people interrupting as a norm but you could definitely pin point some typical 'types'.

The best kind is when you're in sync and it all flows and it's a real back and forth.

The worst is when someone has no conversation at all or a serial monologuer.

I suspect I am ND although undiagnosed so I try very hard in conversations with people I don't know very well - I tend to mirror their energy and style. It's draining though.

I interrupt because I wrongly judge when the other person will have stopped speaking and sometimes am just over excited or too into what we’re talking about. Yes I seem rude but I do always apologise but then that’s probably annoying for people too!!!