to wonder if I'm out of touch with conversational norms?

[Thisisntthowisawthisgoing]

I've noticed more and more that people are regularly interrupting or speaking over each other. Is this now the accepted norm?

In my upbringing, interrupting was considered rude, except for minor interruptions like a quick “mm-hmm” or “I know what you mean” that still allowed the original speaker to finish. Polite interruptions might happen for safety (“watch your step”) or could be smoothed over by looping back (“Sorry, Sandra, you were saying…”). Otherwise, you waited for the other person to finish.

Recently, though, I’ve found people just can’t seem to wait their turn. They’ll either completely talk over the speaker or take over with an “Oh, I know what you mean” and then carry on. I haven't noticed others being outwardly bothered by it, but I often leave these conversations feeling a bit deflated. It feels discourteous, and I end up hesitant to speak, wondering if I’m being dull or just not worth listening to.

I tried addressing this with friends by saying, “Sorry, I was talking, could I finish?” and was called out for being rude and “causing an atmosphere.” It wasn’t my intention, but it made me wonder—has interrupting become acceptable, and calling it out is now considered the rude bit?

Do I need to update my expectations of how conversations work these days?

Yes I did! Sorry, I was just in such a tearing hurry to reply 😅

You felt rubbish and “shamed” because your behaviour WAS shameful. You’re taking the classic tactic of trying to place them in the wrong for their reaction rather than looking at your own behaviour.

I meant for example someone says i went to the shop and bought x y z and you might join in and say oh yea I went there last week too, was it busy? Etc etc and the conversation continues. I do not feel what I have to say is more important than what someone else has to say.

This is me. I really try not to do it!

But that’s a response to what they’ve said, @Devonjaguar, not an interruption.

Someone saying “I got a really nice dress from River Island last week” and you responding “Oh yes, I’ve had a couple of nice things from there recently” - fine. Someone saying “I went to River Island last week and…” and you cutting them off with “Ooh, I love River Island! This top’s from there! I ended up spending a fortune in the sale actually…” and never getting back to their original point would be rude.

You are correct and polite. These days people need instant gratification, and that includes having their say as soon as possible. It is very rude.

I think it can depend on the type of conversation and who you’re having it with. When you’re all mates together the conversation can move very quickly and would be a bit stilted if everyone waited their turn. On the other hand if you’re like a friend of mine who interrupts to go on a completely different subject that is really rude.

Lol, do you have kids?

It's not interrupting, it's cooperative overlapping. It's cultural, so some families do it and some don't (you learn your conversational style as a child). If you think someone is interrupting you in a conversation then it's because they have been brought up learning a different conversational style to you. If someone 'interrupts' you it's because they are interested in what you have to say and are enthusiastic about the subject.

In this specific example, I think there is a difference in the processing and response time of you and person B which means they appear to interrupt, but to them they probably feel that you interrupted them, in that you are both responding to the same thing but you got there fractionally faster - they probably “released” their sentence before they realised you had started. Once a sentence is started it feels horrible to stop (as you know).

My DH is neurodiverse & has slower speech processing than me so he often feels interrupted even though I’ll answer before him simply because I’ve processed the input faster.

We can demonstrate this empirically with TV quiz shows where I’ll always beat him to an answer we both know.

Every time my kids interrupt me on the phone I do the glare and shut up, so does every parent I know. Does it make a difference? Does it hell 🤣 It's a developmental phase in kids and you just have to ride it out best you can. Adults on the other hand, they should know better.

Yes, this. Interrupting is rude but saying 'let me finish' etc is MUCH ruder.

I try not to interrupt, but I occasionally have two exceptions. One is a very dear friend who can quite easily monologue for half an hour about things that happened decades ago with people I don't know. It is at this point l will cut in to change the subject, but making sure that she will be able to have plenty to say on the new topic. The other is DH, who will sometimes start a long and very rambling tale in company, with lots of references to backstories intertwining it. At the point where l see multiple pairs of eyes glazing over, when he finally draws breath l will jump in with: "to cut a long story short."

Oh gosh, the worst offenders. I don't like listening to podcasts with two hosts for this reason.

I notice this too and I find it exhausting. I get really annoyed if my flow gets interrupted 😂
Some are worse than others… someone I used to date was terrible for it, I wouldn’t even get to the end of my first sentence of something complex I was trying to explain before he would jump in and talk about himself.
Many of my friends do it. I wonder if it’s social media and lack of attention span maybe??

I have ADHD (timekeeping is my kryptonite, not conversational stuff) so i understand it's a struggle. But just like if I was late and someone pointed it out, you don't have to like having your behaviour pointed out. You're not doing it on purpose. But it's rude and I'll be honest, makes the conversation boring if you're just fighting to express what you want to say, not listen. It's not conversation. Don't take it as shame, take it as guidance. If someone points out my lateness I know I need to ramp up my strategies again as I've started getting too comfortable. Why should people wait around for me? Why should people spend their precious time listening to you dominate the conversation rather than make their feelings known?

Yea tbf you're right, thanks!

I used to have to explain to my ex that some interruptions (your co operative overlapping) is perfectly normal in an informal conversation with someone (your partner). What really irritated me is he’d give me a ‘look’ if I did it but it was ok if he interrupted me.

Yes, but they're grown up now. Honestly, I would not have let my children demand my full and basically undivided attention whilst I was having a conversation with someone else. It's rude and it teaches them to be the centre of the universe - which they will soon find out that they aren't.

In my family, we’re very strict non-interrupters.

We have some friends that are serial interrupters.

I couldn’t care less about being interrupted, but my OH hates it. And I can’t believe others don’t notice it, because his face is a PICTURE when it happens. Literally like thunder. Cracks me up 🤣

I find this question really interesting, because I've been struggling for some time with people complaining to me that they can never get a word in edgeways, because I talk too much. But then if I stop talking, they all just stand in silence and nobody talks at all. They I have to keep the conversation going, and then they all complain again.

I wish I knew how to get other people to talk sometimes

I think my DH must be a "non-interrupter" because he gets annoyed that DS and I talk a lot, but we just laugh at him, because we feel like a conversation should be like a flowing river, rather than stop-start traffic. I think I will ask him about it.

Interesting point! My dp is a lecturer and seems to say in ten paragraphs what could be said in a short sentence. He then calls me out for interrupting when I try to get a word in edgeways.

I know a few people like this. I think it's only fair to expect interruptions if you're going to talk at length and "hold court."

Personally, I prefer the to and fro, easygoing conversation with interruptions and digressions. Much more engaging.

However, my ex dp drives me mad by interrupting as soon as I start to say something. That's different.

It’s this kind of crap that lets people get away with shit behaviour. If they weren’t rude in the first place there would be nothing to point out.

This sounds fine, an ordinarily excited conversation amongst friends?