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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to find it unnecessary to blame the menopause for needing a dog to get out of the house?

179 replies

Skipsurvey · 30/09/2024 08:41

watching the dog house
for example, this was a scenario

and i am sure there are other occasions when women have said Due to the menopause they now have anxiety for example
it seems unnecessary to overshare in this way on this kind of programme.
willing to be explained why i am being unreasonable for disliking this oversharing in an otherwise unrelated area.

OP posts:
5128gap · 30/09/2024 09:27

Skipsurvey · 30/09/2024 08:59

but it seems to be saying ALL women will get anxiety and it is an illness rather than a natural stage of life, i am not sure it does women any favours

You do realise that 'normal life stages' can cause illness though, right? No one is saying menopause is an illness, they are saying that it can cause a plethora of illnesses from anxiety through to osteoporosis and that when women enter this 'normal life stage' they may find its accompanied by an illness, so may want to be alert to that and seek help and support.

Skipsurvey · 30/09/2024 09:31

@SewingBees
this is not about the Dog House on its own, but the Dog House and the woman with menopausal symptoms of anxiety Using that as a reason for a dog.
i may be up for promotion for example, but am I likely to even be offered due to my age and likely anxiety caused by the menopause. How I wont be able to cope? Who says I can't cope?

OP posts:
Skipsurvey · 30/09/2024 09:33

it hasnt changed the unform policy for example, still expected to wear polyester shirts in some areas.

OP posts:
KnottedTwine · 30/09/2024 09:38

@Lentilweaver there are certainly lots of products around which are marketed at menopausal women - vitamins, supplements, special hair care products. All buying into the idea pushed by the OP that menopause is something not to be spoken about and certainly not worth going to the GP about, you don't need HRT patches (on prescription at minimal or no cost), you need these supplements. Just woman up and get on with it.

Imperfectionist · 30/09/2024 09:39

Women as ever are walking a knife edge.

We need to raise awareness about the menopause, and treatments, amongst ourselves.

Without men hearing too much and making a leap, making biased assumptions that menopausal women are less able, hardworking, consistent, calm, intellectually sharp… - especially in the world of work where hard-won gains in women’s representation could be set back.

And that women don’t soak up so many warnings about the dire symptoms of menopause that they start to doubt their abilities. Eg, I know women who have not pursued promotions or even quit demanding jobs for easier ones, because they think they are not as smart as they used to be (aka brain fog).

BUT we still need to ensure male awareness is raised enough that male family members and medical practitioners can support women.

As ever, there is a LOT of work to be done and we need to be smart and strategic in how we do it.

spicysugar · 30/09/2024 09:40

KnottedTwine · 30/09/2024 09:24

@saraclara - I get what you're saying and nobody wants women in their late 40s and 50s written off as unhinged and unreliable. But raising awareness of the symptoms which can be associated with menopause lets women join the dots about what is going on, seek treatment and many will report that once they started their HRT, the problems they were suffering got a lot better and even if the anxiety or brain fog didn't disappear completely, it became a lot more manageable.

Exactly. Knowledge is power.

When you know what the problem is you can do something about it.

Marblesbackagain · 30/09/2024 09:41

@Skipsurvey I think there's a significant gap in your knowledge. I suggest you attend an online event about menopause where I learnt of the 90 + symptoms that have been medically proven. Information is power.

MrSeptember · 30/09/2024 09:42

Skipsurvey · 30/09/2024 09:11

@Blanketyre
i would like to reduce my hours in the winter!
but i can mention this but hadnt attributed it to being menopausal.
i dont mind talking menopause anonymously but wouldnt talk at work for example
doesnt make me a bad person despite some posters saying this

Edited

No, what makes you come across as a "bad person" is your total unwillingness to see or understand that just because YOU don't want to talk about menopause, doesn't mean that everyone else has to shut up too.

Menopause is a life event like puberty, like childbirth, like bereavement. It has an impact. The fact that we know about it and can talk about it, for a start, means we can actually do something about it AND the more the medical establishment feels the pressure of women wanting to do something about it, the more likely it is that we'll get a tiny dribble more of the huge amounts of medical funding that currently mostly go towards researching medical issues that affect men (or that affect men and women, but the research focuses on how they affect men).

HRT has changed my life for the better. I was really struggling but I honestly just thought it was life - two children (one with additional needs), work stress, serious financial worries, elderly parents needing additional support and all of this during Covid/COL crisis etc. It took an older female family member pointing out that so many of the things I was struggling to do were things that I used to be able to do in my sleep and that I really should go see a doctor to make me realise that maybe it WAS something that could be helped.

A few months later, I had a similar conversation with a woman who seemed to be where I had been.... and a few months after that she approached me to thank me because she just hadn't clocked the link and she was now on HRT and feeling so much better.

Also, I don't know this program, but it seems to me, that if a dog really helped this lady, that's a brilliant premise for a show - lots of people don't want to take HRT, or can't. Or perhaps they aren't ready and there's a good chance that for many of them, getting a dog might help them too. Perhaps they'll think about it after watching.

NewGreenDuck · 30/09/2024 09:43

Did you feel the same way about the young man who had surgery for a brain tumour and wanted a dog for a similar reason? Was he over sharing?

Skipsurvey · 30/09/2024 09:44

not everyone can take hrt and even wants to
are they doomed?

OP posts:
spicysugar · 30/09/2024 09:44

Skipsurvey · 30/09/2024 09:31

@SewingBees
this is not about the Dog House on its own, but the Dog House and the woman with menopausal symptoms of anxiety Using that as a reason for a dog.
i may be up for promotion for example, but am I likely to even be offered due to my age and likely anxiety caused by the menopause. How I wont be able to cope? Who says I can't cope?

Stop making things up.

No-one is saying you or anyone else is not going to be able to cope. It's just that knowing about the root cause of something enables you to potentially do something about it.

Your tendency to jump to conclusions would worry me far more than anxiety if I was thinking of whether or not to employ/promote you.

Skipsurvey · 30/09/2024 09:44

NewGreenDuck · 30/09/2024 09:43

Did you feel the same way about the young man who had surgery for a brain tumour and wanted a dog for a similar reason? Was he over sharing?

no you are missing the point

OP posts:
NeverHadHaveHas · 30/09/2024 09:44

Skipsurvey · 30/09/2024 08:54

even my neighbour was telling me about her anxiety due to the menopause!
yes, like some others, i am a head down kind of person and the menopause happens to all women, following threads here i am on hrt but i wouldnt think to blame any anxiety on menopause. or admit to it openly

Edited

Mind blowing I know, but not everyone approaches life the same way that you do.

5128gap · 30/09/2024 09:44

Skipsurvey · 30/09/2024 09:31

@SewingBees
this is not about the Dog House on its own, but the Dog House and the woman with menopausal symptoms of anxiety Using that as a reason for a dog.
i may be up for promotion for example, but am I likely to even be offered due to my age and likely anxiety caused by the menopause. How I wont be able to cope? Who says I can't cope?

As a middle aged woman there was always a chance you'd lose a promotion to a younger woman or a man. That's what living in a sexist/ageist society looks like unfortunately. Recruiters often show bias towards men and to younger women. Nothing new there. I honestly don't see that a conspiracy of silence around the issues menopause may cause would have any appreciable effect on that because you will either be interviewed by a panel who has this bias or who doesn't. Long before menopause was given a higher profile older women found themselves undervalued and passed over in the work place. I remember decades ago as a young woman the jokes made about older women's moods and hot flushes.

Skipsurvey · 30/09/2024 09:44

spicysugar · 30/09/2024 09:44

Stop making things up.

No-one is saying you or anyone else is not going to be able to cope. It's just that knowing about the root cause of something enables you to potentially do something about it.

Your tendency to jump to conclusions would worry me far more than anxiety if I was thinking of whether or not to employ/promote you.

wow

OP posts:
spicysugar · 30/09/2024 09:45

Skipsurvey · 30/09/2024 09:44

not everyone can take hrt and even wants to
are they doomed?

You really are being very silly. Doomed?

I'm wondering if you're just on a wind-up.

Lentilweaver · 30/09/2024 09:46

I wish more women were told about the NHS HRT prescription certificate, which can help cut your HRT costs. Anyway, sharing here. www.nhsbsa.nhs.uk/help-nhs-prescription-costs/nhs-hormone-replacement-therapy-prescription-prepayment-certificate-hrt-ppc

NewGreenDuck · 30/09/2024 09:46

Skipsurvey · 30/09/2024 09:44

no you are missing the point

So what point is it then? People have different reasons to get a dog. Hers was to get out of the house as she had anxiety connected to the menopause. What's wrong with that?
My reason was just to get out, meet more people, ( if you have a dog people talk to you!), & get some exercise.

Skipsurvey · 30/09/2024 09:47

spicysugar · 30/09/2024 09:45

You really are being very silly. Doomed?

I'm wondering if you're just on a wind-up.

it is ok,
they can get a dog, as suggested above

OP posts:
Skipsurvey · 30/09/2024 09:47

the Dog House
now using menopause as a marketing ploy for buying a dog

OP posts:
NewGreenDuck · 30/09/2024 09:48

For those who didn't see the programme, she felt masses better after the dog moved in!

KnottedTwine · 30/09/2024 09:49

Agree @spicysugar . I am very jealous of the women who sail through their menopause years with no symptoms to speak of. I wish my journey had left me wondering what all the fuss was about too!

But had I been better informed about what impact the lack of oestrogen could have in so many different ways, I could have sought medical help a lot quicker than I did.

Skipsurvey · 30/09/2024 09:51

i got my menopause information from mumsnet!

OP posts:
MrSeptember · 30/09/2024 09:51

Skipsurvey · 30/09/2024 09:44

not everyone can take hrt and even wants to
are they doomed?

Apparently all the increased awareness of menopause hasn't penetrated your consciousness at all. I guess we should all talk about it more. For reference:

1 Not everyone has significant symptoms, many women barely notice
2 There are various other options to help manage symptoms ranging from supplements (probalby not ideal for severe symptoms but I certainly, even now, wouldn't be without my Omega 3), to hormonal contraception to antidepressants.
3 In addition, there are things women can do to help manage their symptoms if they can't, or don't want to, take any kind of additional medication such as increasing exercise, looking at diet, reducing workload, prioritising resting etc. Similarly, women can find ways to accomodate such as working from home at certain times of the month (pre HRT it was not uncommon for me to flood so badly that I would bleed right through whatever protection I was on in the space of minutes. More than one conference call, luckily from home, has finished with me having to change and wash all my clothes, and the cushion of the seat I was sitting on. Manageable at home - unbearable in the office).

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