Should I pay boyfriend back

[Gymnasticsalltheway]

Hello,

I am in a new relationship with a man since being single for many years. We have only been going out for a couple of months. Unfortunately, things have been tense since the company he worked for closed down and now he is out of employment. Due to this, most of our dates have been at his house (he can't come to my house as I flat share) and I have bought him little things here and there (not expensive just bits of foods) to help him get by.

Last week, he asked me to come to his flat again. This time I told him "no" as I was tired of making the trip all the way to his and if he could come meet me near where I am and we can go out somewhere (nothing expensive). He said "ok" but I didn't sound keen. Anyway, when the day arrived, I didn't hear from him and thought I'll just leave him be as he probably was worried about the cost of travel and didn't want to impose anything of him-so I let it be.

Later that evening, I went on a work event and my phone just kept ringing and ringing and it was DP. He asked me where I was and that I had promised to go to his and that he has brought food for me. I told him that nothing was confirmed that it was me that I was expecting to hear but left it. He then accused me of cheating and lying about where I was.

Later on, he then sent me a screenshot of a receipt of food that he bought for me (costing £20.00). I called him back and asked what this was for and he said that he wanted me to pay him back for the food he bought. I told him "No way", especially since I have bought him things here and there and haven't asked him to pay me back. He then got upset and said that he is expecting me to pay him back either way, accused me of cheating and got a bit angry over the phone.

Can I ask? AIBU, should I pay him back. I expect that there was miscommunication on both sides. But should I pay him back just to keep the peace. Interested to hear anyone's thoughts.

Don’t be a moron and up your game. Is he deaf?

You dump because you've only been in a relationship with him for a couple of months and he's already treating you like shit

How can you put up with so little respect and care so early on in the relationship?

You deserve so much more

And gets angry.

he is an arsehole. He has nothing to offer you. He certainly is in no position to start a family. Dumy him and atop wasting your time.

He obviously just wanted you to pay for his food. You nit going over meant he had to pay for his own. He is a user

He's blocked your number so it seems like it's over anyway but don't waste your time anymore

@Gymnasticsalltheway , you sound like a kind and serious - minded woman who has a lot to give. This man has shown he is just not suitable to be a husband and father as you could not rely on him to be kind or reasonable to you or your children. Forget him. The bigger question is, how can you move on with your life goals, and find a decent man? There are plenty out there. Maybe you could focus instead on how you'll meet new people - meet up groups, new hobbies, online dating?

He’s accused you are lying about where you are.
He’s accused you of cheating.
He’s demanding money for something he decided to buy without talking to you. He was supposed to meet you near where you live.
He made no contact all day and then accused you as above.
All of those issues are red flags. He’s not listening to you and gets upset when you won’t do what he wants. You bought bits of food for him to help out and now he’s demanding £20 for food he chose to buy.
At the very least he’s not listening and a bit self centred. At worst he’s controlling.

Cut your loses. Get out of this relationship asap.
He's a controlling man child and you deserve better.
Kindly, you might benefit from counselling to work on yourself before you consider starting another relationship.

and they say romance is dead

Quite simply, either you go back to being single or for the sake of being in a relationship you put up with being treated like shit.

You go into this with your eyes open, with a man who accuses you of cheating at the very first opportunity. You allow him to be financially dependent on you when it suits him. You ignore the childish behaviour of being blocked and given the silent treatment when things don't go his way.

You accept that this is how the relationship will continue and fully understand that this behaviour will escalate (because if this is how he is after a couple of months, I promise you this is nothing) and you will be miserable.

But Hey! At least you'll be in a relationship!

what kind of relationship must your parents have had for you to accept this kind of behaviour from a partner

Yes, he doesn’t sound very nice.

This ☝️.

Imagine having a child with this man. He's shouting at you because he thinks you're cheating because you don't answer the phone on the first ring. He shouts at the child because he accused them of lying. He becomes out of work again and he charges you for things he decided to buy. No, no, hell no.
No relationship is worth this shit.

I have been single for many years and longing a family.

Sorry OP, I have been there and it’s really hard. But as someone in the throes of young children parenting: you do not want to be raising a family with someone who quibbles over the price of a pizza. How in earth will that work when finances are stretched and baby needs nappies, toddler needs new shoes, you would love for your child to start an activity like swimming, you are on maternity leave and financially relying on your partner etc?

This is not the guy to be planning a future with.

OP was on a work event so couldn't answer her phone, she could have been out with friends, or sitting at home having an evening to herself, she's not obligated to answer her phone to anyone

I have no idea either he sounds a Prince amongst men!! Definitely a "keeper".

I am soooooo jel-bags! How did you find such a caring, generous, thoughtful, kind man @Gymnasticsalltheway - please give me some tips 😂

It's very very difficult to manage on unemployment benefits so I can understand the struggle. Every penny has to be accounted for. It's horrific if you are single with no children as you get the lowest amount.

However this guy is using you as a meal ticket.

I wonder if he also didn't want to come near your friends and family as he is scamming multiple women and doesn't want to risk anyone finding out or recognising him. Hence the reluctance to leave his home!

Hence the accusations of you seeing someone else. That's in his mind as that's what HE is doing!

However there seems to be a breakdown in communication so for that reason alone i'd give him either the £20 or a contribution towards that if you prefer. £15 to cover the cost of the food you ms share. Or £10 if you want to go halfers.

Block. Move on.

I wonder if he ever worked at all or if he just scams women for sex and groceries....

Anyway there are plenty of fish in the sea. Many women have partners snd children etc but they aren't happy. They settled. Better to be single than in tow with a loser who will take all your money...

Just block him and find someone else. Huge red flag

Fairly new relationship, and he’s already accusing you of cheating and lying, and getting petty over £20 when you never told him you were coming in the first place.

You seem keen to hang onto him, because it’s your first relationship for a while and you want to start a family. However you can do much better than this person.

Just let him go.

This is a waste of time and energy.

Dating should not be like this - you've described something very toxic .

There are much nicer men out there.

You've got 5 more years before you need to 'panic' over finding a man and having babies.

My friend's DD met her H at 32, married 2 years later and now has a baby at 35. She kissed a lot of frogs before but was good at weeding out the idiots.

He’s screwing you over now for £20. Imagine how much worse he could get if you get financially enmeshed with him. E.g. using rent money for something else.

Surely the OP is having a giraffe?

I hope to God no one is this naive.

He blocked you when he deserved to be blocked. Anyways, don't settle for this kind. 30 is young, you deserve better.

Er...because he's a twat?

Seriously you can do better than this. Believe it and find your self respect. And don't pay him any money. He's got the food so he can eat it.