Should I pay boyfriend back

[Gymnasticsalltheway]

Hello,

I am in a new relationship with a man since being single for many years. We have only been going out for a couple of months. Unfortunately, things have been tense since the company he worked for closed down and now he is out of employment. Due to this, most of our dates have been at his house (he can't come to my house as I flat share) and I have bought him little things here and there (not expensive just bits of foods) to help him get by.

Last week, he asked me to come to his flat again. This time I told him "no" as I was tired of making the trip all the way to his and if he could come meet me near where I am and we can go out somewhere (nothing expensive). He said "ok" but I didn't sound keen. Anyway, when the day arrived, I didn't hear from him and thought I'll just leave him be as he probably was worried about the cost of travel and didn't want to impose anything of him-so I let it be.

Later that evening, I went on a work event and my phone just kept ringing and ringing and it was DP. He asked me where I was and that I had promised to go to his and that he has brought food for me. I told him that nothing was confirmed that it was me that I was expecting to hear but left it. He then accused me of cheating and lying about where I was.

Later on, he then sent me a screenshot of a receipt of food that he bought for me (costing £20.00). I called him back and asked what this was for and he said that he wanted me to pay him back for the food he bought. I told him "No way", especially since I have bought him things here and there and haven't asked him to pay me back. He then got upset and said that he is expecting me to pay him back either way, accused me of cheating and got a bit angry over the phone.

Can I ask? AIBU, should I pay him back. I expect that there was miscommunication on both sides. But should I pay him back just to keep the peace. Interested to hear anyone's thoughts.

The elephant in the room that you are missing is that he's lazy and tight as a gnats chuff.

He's a total loser. Dump him and raise your standards.

I am in a new relationship with a man since being single for many years. We have only been going out for a couple of months.

To be honest, after 2 months (and clearly not seeing him daily) this is not a relationship.

You're just 'dating'. Part of the reason you're in a muddle is because you're giving this more importance than it ever was.

A 'relationship' is something that's well established - not dating for 8 weeks.

You should dump because:
He's petty over money. Do you want him to still be bickering over £10 when you’re tired with a baby, maybe another child and a job?
If yes petty over money it’s a sure bet he’ll be petty of other stuff too. Who did the washing up last, who did or didn’t change the toilet roll, who did or didn’t buy the food shop.
He seems to see you as his meal ticket. Do you still want to be supporting him next year? 5 years time?
You’ve been chatting for a few months. If he’s not making an effort now he never will.

Did you miss that he has already blocked her. There is no relationship.

This.

He's not an adult. Bin.

He's not great. At all.

Don't let wedding/baby fever prompt poor life choices. Raise your standards and be strong.

You shouldn't stay with someone because you're desperate..sorry OP

Especially marrying someone and having a family with someone who is so selfish. This will not go well in the future. 30 is still young you have time for marriage and pregnancy with a person who respects you. He does not respect you, accusing you of cheating he doesn't trust you either. Or he's just nasty and trying to scare you into withdrawing.

Dump him. Send him a tenner, say hope it was worth it and block. You are worth so much more

Get out of there. There is no peace to keep. He doesn’t sound normal. Text him back and say you won’t be paying him back and don’t want him to contact you again, you don’t think you’re compatible. Block his number. Move on.

im always highly suspicious of anyone that can’t date in public anyway but anyone demanding you do something is a big no from me. He would never see me again.

Because he's bad-tempered, mean and makes baseless accusations. Surely that's enough?

What? You really need to ask that question?
Because you went out, didn’t answer your phone as you didn’t hear it and he’s accusing you of cheating.
Why would a decent person accuse someone of cheating just because they don’t answer the phone? Red flag.
He sounds like the jealous type and it doesn’t bode well for your relationship in the future

A partner invoicing you for £20 of shit you didn’t ask for, what am I reading.

Please raise the bar.

Pay him then block.

Pay him for what? This is not some kind of nonconsensual BDSM relationship where OP needs to pay for the pleasure of being verbally abused

OP you’re ONLY 30. There is plenty of time to meet a lovely man, marry and have children. Many of my friends didn’t meet that man until late 30’s and had 2 kids between 38-42.

Not sure if you said how you met him, but if you really are keen to met nicer men (with better prospects), then join meetup, get involved with local voluntary groups (the church?), take up a hobby/join an interest group.

What is important is that you don’t telegraph any sense of desperation to meet a man - men pick up on it immediately. It either sends them running or catches you a manipulative loser like the (ex?)BF. My DSis joined a dating app at 32 and was very clear she was looking for a LT relationship and kids - he strung her along for 5 years before admitting he didn’t want either. At 38 she was single and unlikely to ever have kids herself because a man had honed in on her desperation. She is 45 now and engaged to a lovely man whose kids have grown up. She met him at work and is very happy because the relationship occurred naturally and was not about marriage and kids.

Focus on finding yourself and on being happy with who you are and you will meet lovely people, including nice single men. The rest will follow.

You seriously think this is a man to have children with?

I do not understand the PPs saying pay him then bloke - fuck that.

Dont give him a penny the tight arsed controlling jealous twat

Dump the useless tightwad.

You're surprised people think you should dump him? Yes he is stressed but that isn't an excuse for his behaviour. He expects you to make all the effort to see him, he lets you pay for things for him but never pays for anything for you and in fact demands that you pay money for food he bought & presumably ate!
You asked him to make the effort to come to you/make a plan and he did neither, deliberately ignored you and then created a situation to be annoyed at you about, ie I bought you food and you're not here - he knew you wouldn't be there! This is him testing you. Will you cave, can he control you with his bad moods, make you feel like you've done something wrong. It will only get worse and escalate. For goodness sake he's blocked you?? Normal people don't do that in relationships, they communicate like adults.

If you are worried about your age/fertility then don't waste time with a man that doesn't sound a good fit for the long term struggles of having a family and devote your time to looking for someone better.

Oh, OP.

You've only been together a couple of months. Your relationship is already "tense" (in your own words). He doesn't have a job. Neither of you has a stable living situation. And he's throwing a shit fit over spending £20 on pizza.

I can understand what it's like to feel worried that everyone else your age is getting coupled up and thinking about marriage and babies and you're worried about being left behind, especially if you've been single for a while.

But this man is categorically NOT THE ONE to do these things with.

You've hardly been together five minutes so there's no sunk costs here. This one is a no brainer. Throw him back in the sea.

Even if he was a nice guy, which it sounds like he's not, you're living in a flat share which means you need to get yourself into a more grown up living situation before you can even contemplate having kids, and a man with no job who begrudges spending £20 on pizza isn't going to help you get there.

I know you want a relationship and something for the long term but the reason we are all saying leave him is this:

• The best case over arrangements for the evening was that he didnt listen to you properly and worst case he ignored your request and just assumed you'd back down
• his response to having bought food for you both was to ask for the money back ignoring the fact that he could have just eaten the food over a couple of days ... it didn't have to be thrown away
• he has ignored the fact that you also have bought food for him before and never asked for money so this isn't a behaviour that you are both agreed to
• his response to you being out with colleagues is to block you and accuse you of cheating

This was a response to a pretty minor set of events! What would happen if things got stressful. What if you had kids. Etc etc

This isn't someone to invest in a long term relationship if this is how he chooses to act

You told him you didn’t want to go to his. So he’s disrespected your decision and just assumed that you would change your plan to fit with him. He’s then demanded you pay for food that you didn’t ask him to get and now blocked you. He’s not a keeper, block, don’t pay and move on.

He's not 'great' OP... He's unemployed, easily angered, expects you to do all the running, doesn't listen when you say no to something. Being single at 30 (or any age) is better than being tied to the wrong person.

If having a family is important to you then put this one back and look for a man who'd make a good father and husband. Don't be tempted to try to fix this one, just because you've invested a couple of months of your time into him so far. He's already shown himself to be lacking the traits of a good father or husband.... please don't waste anymore of your precious time or money here, say goodbye, block and move on!

Is he 12? Sorry OP you are currently in the honeymoon stage of your relationship. If someone acts like that during this period then it most likely would get worse!

No don't, i wouldn't bother giving him anything back, he is really rude. I would allow his calls to go to voicemail too! And ignore any future texts.

He accuses you of all sorts, asks for you to 'pay him back' despite all you've spent on him and NOW he has you chasing him.
No doubt he'll end up unblocking you when he feels you've been 'punished' enough and you'll end up apologising AND giving him the money.
Come on OP, you can't be seriously wondering why posters are telling you to throw this one back.
I understand that you long for a family, and I DO empathise, but it really isn't ok to settle for this as the relationship you want to model for any future child/ren you may have out of pure desperation. Do you honestly think that someone who can treat you this way after 5 mins together is all they deserve? That isn't fair