Should I pay boyfriend back

[Gymnasticsalltheway]

Hello,

I am in a new relationship with a man since being single for many years. We have only been going out for a couple of months. Unfortunately, things have been tense since the company he worked for closed down and now he is out of employment. Due to this, most of our dates have been at his house (he can't come to my house as I flat share) and I have bought him little things here and there (not expensive just bits of foods) to help him get by.

Last week, he asked me to come to his flat again. This time I told him "no" as I was tired of making the trip all the way to his and if he could come meet me near where I am and we can go out somewhere (nothing expensive). He said "ok" but I didn't sound keen. Anyway, when the day arrived, I didn't hear from him and thought I'll just leave him be as he probably was worried about the cost of travel and didn't want to impose anything of him-so I let it be.

Later that evening, I went on a work event and my phone just kept ringing and ringing and it was DP. He asked me where I was and that I had promised to go to his and that he has brought food for me. I told him that nothing was confirmed that it was me that I was expecting to hear but left it. He then accused me of cheating and lying about where I was.

Later on, he then sent me a screenshot of a receipt of food that he bought for me (costing £20.00). I called him back and asked what this was for and he said that he wanted me to pay him back for the food he bought. I told him "No way", especially since I have bought him things here and there and haven't asked him to pay me back. He then got upset and said that he is expecting me to pay him back either way, accused me of cheating and got a bit angry over the phone.

Can I ask? AIBU, should I pay him back. I expect that there was miscommunication on both sides. But should I pay him back just to keep the peace. Interested to hear anyone's thoughts.

You would be crazy to send him money and even crazier to carry on seeing him. He is manipulative and tight. Not a catch.

You didn't want to go to his, so he wasn't happy with that and tried to guilt trip you into going. When you didn't bend to his will he accused you of lying and cheating so you'd go running to appease him. He is a walking red flag, walk away. You have plenty of time to get everything you want and I can promise you don't want it with him.

Please tell me you can see the red flags this bloke is waving and you’re not contemplating seeing the tight arsed controlling low effort fuckwit again.

You’d be absolutely insane with a bar dragging in the gutter to see this one as a prospective partner.

If you're wanting children he is

He doesn't sound like a long term prospect, and I can't see how a future with him would work if he won't even come to your house.

The repeated calls for £20 when I was at work would annoy me too. He can't be arsed to see you, but seemingly has loads of time to hound you for money.

He's basically handed you a pile of red flags

I meant to say if he's quibbling over £20 then he is not the right man to be having children with. He will see the children as your responsibility and refuse to contribute towards them. I've seen a lot of mums on here in similar situations. Please don't have children with this man. He will leave you and DC short while he's living the life of Riley.

Run and run as fast as you can!

A relationship of a few months and you have nothing set in stone to meet up and 1). Because you don't go, accuses you of cheating and 2). Bought food you didn't agree to and wants you to pay for the whole lot - I'm guessing he will actually eat it, so why do you need to pay the whole cost.
Massive 🚩This is not the beginnings of a good or nice relationship!

Seriously?

Oh dear

All of this.
Let him go.
Only trouble and drama if you put up with him.

Then I'm very sorry, he's made the decision for you

See the fact he’s blocked you as a positive - it’s the universe getting rid of toxic negativity in your life.

Keep the peace??? You're planning on ever seeing him again????

A couple of months into a relationship and he is already showing himself to be like this is a good thing. It's much better than him pretending to be nice at first and then you find out he's actually awful once you have made bigger commitments to each other.

You need to run away from this one. Absolutely nothing you have said here sounds appealing about him. Honestly, have more respect for yourself. Do you really want to be with someone who argues with you over £20 and accuses you of cheating with absolutely no basis for it?! This relationship sounds utterly miserable, please do yourself a favour and get out of it.

I would let this one go as well.

He expects you to do all the running in the relationship and is out out when you ask him to make a bit of effort. So much so that he doesn’t organises anything, then does this weird “ordering food” gaslighting nonesense (you hadn’t agreed to go, why the fuck has he bought you food when you said NO!) and now he’s using his own choices against you, punishing you, refusing to discuss, and make you the bad guy. I’m surprised that anyone is reading this and not saying dump him.

you’re a few months in. He’s showing you who he is. Run for the fucking hills!

This is crazy. He's a grown adult, he clearly lacks all the necessary components to have a healthy relationship.

I would end things and concentrate on finding someone mature, with decent communication skills and hopefully a secure job or finances. No way should you be funding his food, and then paying him back for a fictious date you didn't attend.

I'm assuming he can freeze the pizza and eat later if he's that bothered. Yuk, what a turn off!

1. he's blocked you. Very immature.

2. he said he'd meet you close to yours, having made zero effort before and didn't progress that plans.

3. he bought a pizza and then tried to get you to pay him back.

4. he thinks you're his mum, or sugar mumma.

All those are reasons to dump him.

Someone who genuinely likes you will go out of their way to be good to you. I fear you have VERY low standards.

He has blocked your number? Honestly, this isn't even a relationship.
I do understand you wanting to cling to This as I was in your shoes at your age, but please respect yourself and move on. He's awful.

Why are you saying, ‘What am I missing?’ and acting surprised that people are telling you to dump him?

You are the one who started a thread complaining about his awful behaviour!

He didn’t want to do something nice with you on a date, he wanted you to turn up as his place for a shag.

He’s awful. I do hope you’re not going to let him come back after this.

OP you've had great advice on here so far, listen to it.
You say you've been single for years so sounds like you don't have much relationship experience. Don't just settle for the first man who comes along.
He is tight, accusing you of cheating because you were out?
Don't give him the money or contact him again.

Also to the poster who says everyone who posts on Mumsnet is wealthy- ha ha! 😂

I would do this .Worth every penny cos you now have seen him for who he is would be my take on this.

OP, on Mumsnet if someone's boyfriend/dh sneezes too loudly the majority shout dump him.

Usually, they're overreacting, however in this case I'd think carefully. Being jealous of couples with babies is not a good reason to pursue a relationship with any old person, certainly not someone who behaves like this and it's good to get out as early as possible (many of us speak from experience)

Red flags ahoy -Shields up Captain!

Don't entertain him any longer .. plenty more dick in the sea!

No one can be this naive surely…

You stay with him and life is going to be one long ball ache. Throw this one back.