Am I bu to feel that this is an inappropriate thing to say to a parent who's lost lost their child?

[EnfysHeulenEira]

Lost my son Isaac six moths ago to neroblastoma; it was absolutely the worst Time or our lives.

At the time we go so many people comment. Post or text

oh that's so, I'll give my littles a extra big squeeze tonight: I don't think I'd still be here if I was you, I'd have killed myself

I mean thanks I guess, I've got 2 year old and I am 39 weeks pregnant.I can't give up, my babies need me.

I saw a woman who used to be good friends with me before Isaac died and then dropped me when he died, said to me yesterday. Oh wow you look glowing! I'm so glad you were able to move on and replace Isaac, you know when that sorry thing happened I just couldn't stop crying thinking about my own babies dying I just hug them a little tight now

First of all there is no replacing Isaac! Second of all you knew I was pregnant when we lost him and lastly fuck out about the holding your babies tighter. Someone wrote in a card that was attacked to flowers we got '
sleep well Isaac, will give my baby a big hug tonight'

If you're one of those people who say that, please stop

I am so so sorry for your loss, I can not even begin to imagine how you must be feeling. This is worst that can happen to a parent.
I hope that in time, you will be able to forgive the universe. There are 7 stages of grief, get yourself some support so you are not alone going through them.
take care of yourself

I'm sorry for your loss.

Im certainly not in the same boat as you but my dc was born pretty much dying, Horrendous pregnancy with complications, premature birth and 3 years under kids hospital with appointments.

I had dumb f*cks saying to me "try and think of this extra time you get with your baby that other parents dont get, that i was lucky" - as in because it was a prem birth, i had extra time?! like yeah dragging myself to NICU after nearly dying myself and been in mental turmoil for past 5 months, to watch my baby struggle and Dr's telling me its all hour by hour - is just such a great time?

I had another moron who asked me "is that you home now, is DC just perfect" - eh yeah were home, with 4 hourly medicines and a breathing alarm fitted to cot...

Another moron who was annoyed we couldnt bring DC to have a takeaway at their house and leave them sleeping in car seat (as only to sleep in cot with alarm) - they got angry at us insisting that "the hospital wouldnt have let dc home if it was that bad". I mean what could we say to that...

Another moron angry at my DH as we had to specifiy times for visit due to 4 hourly meds and DC being so weak and sleepy between meds. So we'd say come at X time, just after meds as DC awake for a short while before so that'd be best. Again we were very unreasonable apparently and DH got shouted at that trying to see DC was worse than trying to get a dentist appointment?! No compassion for me, DH or DC when we were in the trenches, just beating us while we were down because we were inconveniencing them.

So I cant imagine your pain and I don't know why people say such stupid insensitive things. My theory is they've never experienced similar pain themselves and therefore have zero comprehension.

Look after yourself as best you can x

Twats the lot of them

@Bubblesgun

I don't want to derail the thread but there aren't seven stages of grief, it's bollocks. And even if there are, you certainly don't 'move through them'

It's another thing people say because they think it's kind and reassuring, but it's not.

I'm really sorry for the loss of your beautiful boy OP.

People are thoughtless and while I think an element of is that they don't know how to deal with this sort of situation I don't think that makes it any easier.

My daughter died before she was born and I had some really thoughtless things said to me but then also lost some friends who said nothing which is worse.

With the comments about "replacing" your son I think I'd have had to reply something like Thank you for thinking of us but I will never replace my son.

Sorry for your loss OP.

Trying to give benefit of the doubt - some people overthink and are so anxious of saying the wrong thing and upsetting people, that they do go and say completely the wrong thing and then spend ages berating themselves internally over it. This may be what those who've said about "them being unable to carry on" might have done - it's a clumsy attempt at admiring your strength and resilience (as you say - you have no choice you have other kids who need you!).
But for so many to come up with giving their own (healthy, living) DC an extra hug is ... shite. And as for anyone commenting on "replacing" your son. No words.

That is awful. I think it's just that people don't know what to say. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Jesus, that's horrendous OP! I'm so sorry your son died.

I am stunned there are that many people who think it's acceptable to spout such offensive crap.

i am astounded that anyone could be so insensitive. I’m so sorry for your loss.

So sorry for your loss

@Calliopespa

That's such a lovely thing to do.

@SummerFade

What did you send that led to that reaction?

But people don't have to make grieving parents feel worse do they?

You believe what you want to believe, i wont try to change your mind and I certainly wont tell you my story.
but there are 7 stages of grief and yes you do move through them.
take care

Jesus christ any words but the ones that were said to the OP.
Honestly what a stupid, thoughtless and ignorant post that you would actually have to ask that.

@EnfysHeulenEira It's definitely them and not you. Not one word they said was appropriate.

@tothelefttotheleft absolutely right

I'm so sorry op. They are making your loss about them and their kids. Awful. And then your supposed to thank them for the flowers.

When I do see reporting of a tragic event, they often say something like, "hug your loved ones a little tighter today" etc, I'm wondering if they're mirroring that type of comment/advice without realizing how insensitive it is to direct that to the parents.

Hi there, I am so, so sorry for your loss of your child. I am not a mother so I can only try to imagine but can't. I just wish you strength and love.

It's at devastating times that we find out who our real friends are. I've been lucky enough to search for and find a couple of friends who are wise and truly love and respect me in an unselfish way. From your post it is clear that you are a sensitive and deep thinker. I hope you are able to distance yourself from the people who make you feel hurt and alienated, and find a few people who treat you with the care and love you deserve.

@Bubblesgun I appreciate that was true for you.

The difficulty with grief is that we are all different and we all find different things comforting.

Trying to tell someone how it is in absolutes (eg there are seven stages) isn't helpful because it may not be so for them. It's like expecting someone else to take comfort from religion because you do.

That's why so many people fear getting it wrong, because no one knows what is going to be wrong or right until it happens (although the OP's case will never be OK).

Sorry for your loss OP. And I agree completely that these are unhelpful and thoughtless comments.

I hope you posting about this might make someone think twice before they comment in future.

This; RIP Isaac

Thank you. Yes I hope so too

Completely thoughtless.

I hope you are all doing ok xx Six months is no time at all xx

so sorry for your loss, hope you have kind and supportive people around you.

Omg no I agree what a selfish and awful thing to say. I would tell them to F off!! Sorry for your loss :( x