Am I bu to feel that this is an inappropriate thing to say to a parent who's lost lost their child?

[EnfysHeulenEira]

Lost my son Isaac six moths ago to neroblastoma; it was absolutely the worst Time or our lives.

At the time we go so many people comment. Post or text

oh that's so, I'll give my littles a extra big squeeze tonight: I don't think I'd still be here if I was you, I'd have killed myself

I mean thanks I guess, I've got 2 year old and I am 39 weeks pregnant.I can't give up, my babies need me.

I saw a woman who used to be good friends with me before Isaac died and then dropped me when he died, said to me yesterday. Oh wow you look glowing! I'm so glad you were able to move on and replace Isaac, you know when that sorry thing happened I just couldn't stop crying thinking about my own babies dying I just hug them a little tight now

First of all there is no replacing Isaac! Second of all you knew I was pregnant when we lost him and lastly fuck out about the holding your babies tighter. Someone wrote in a card that was attacked to flowers we got '
sleep well Isaac, will give my baby a big hug tonight'

If you're one of those people who say that, please stop

It's the kind of thing people may say to themselves/ family when there's been a tragedy in the news eg baby p, but should never be said to the grieving parents - terrible.

So sorry you have had to endure such awful comments on top of everything you have been through, OP. It’s inexcusable and I hope these people have been cut off / someone has told them how inappropriate it is if they are a connection you can’t cut off!
Sending love and best wishes for your third delivery. Xx

I’m so sorry for your loss. These people sound like they’re missing some empathy. I’d cut them out of your life. 💐

Sorry for your loss of your beautiful child ❤️

They do seem very inappropriate and inconsiderate things to say.

I think some people might think they mean well or don't know what to say or don't know how to be of any aupport.

Shocking to use the word replace though , I think you are well rid of that 'friend'

Someone wrote in a card that was attacked to flowers we got '
sleep well Isaac, will give my baby a big hug tonight'

This last one I think is a clumsy attempt to say that the writer has realised the importance of not taking anything for granted, rather than, say, gloating that they still have THEIR kid. It's not great and I see why it would be hurtful but it's very difficult to know the right thing to say in such circumstances, and people (decent people) do want to say SOMETHING to acknowledge the awfulness of the event beyond the words "I'm sorry" - because it seems so inadequate. But perhaps that is the only right thing to say and people should stop there?

The first two seem like a variation on the above theme in some ways but way worse. I don't know why anyone would think it's remotely helpful or comforting to tell a bereaved parent that they'd have killed themselves in the same set of circumstances. My mum had some crass comments from people when my sibling died as a child, including the perennial "are you going to have another one now?" from quite a few people just after the funeral.

So sorry for your loss. Some people are absolutely awful.

So sorry, OP.

Sending love and strength.

It's good that you have posted this- if it helps even one person think twice before coming out with such twattery.

So sorry for your terrible loss, OP.
Is there a friend or family member who could filter these cards and messages for you, ie pass on the OK ones for you to read, and destroy the rest ? You shouldn't have to deal with them at this time in your life. But perhaps they have stopped now and you're just left with the shock of them. Sending love and good thoughts to you and your family.

Hideous things to say. How awful.

I am so sorry for your loss, OP.
Time and time again I see people telling bereaved parents that they will hug their own kids tighter and I find it unspeakably cruel and insensitive. YA definitely NBU.

Yes very inappropriate and thoughtless. So sorry for you loss

Someone in my family lost a young child and some of the stuff people have said to her is honestly unimaginable. Like, I didn't realize people were this dumb. It seems to come from not knowing what to say and also being quite self centered. Sorry for your loss OP.

You get a replacement for a broken toaster ,Not a child that's died.what a stupid comment.
Sorry for your loss op Issac will always be in your heart
My Dw lost both her boys,aged 3 and 27
So I've saw the effects of a mum losing children,it can be tough at certain times of the year.
Hopefully you have family and friends you trust with whom you can turn too

My deepest condolences.

When a bad friend shows themselves, the short term pain is so bad.

Hopefully you have lovely people around you and your baby will always know about his big brother.

I’m so sorry op. Those people are dicks, plain and simple.

i hope everything goes well for the arrival of your new little one and you can surround yourself with people who only bring you support and care.

That’s horrific. I’m so so sorry. That must be upsetting at the most dreadful time of your life.It shows utter thoughtlessness and not comforting words to say.

You are absolutely right to be pissed off at these comments and tbh I think you should respond at the time to point out how insensitive and cruel they are. I’m sure people are trying to say what they think is the right thing, so nip it in the bud and tell them straight away those comments are not helpful but actually hurtful. I remember the worst thing people would say to me was ‘you can have another baby’ and I would tell them I didn’t want another f*king baby thank you, I want my baby who has just died. I preferred the very few people who just said along the lines of ‘I don’t know what to say other than how f*king awful this must be for you’.

I am so sorry for your loss.

Yanbu being unreasonable in the slightest. I see people comment things like that on social media alarmingly often and always think it is crashingly insensitive every time.

They are the kind of people who learned emotional responses from Eastenders and entirely lack emotional depth and intelligence.

Would you like to talk about Isaac? My condolences

Sweet Lord Jesus 😶.
I'm sorry for your loss, OP 💐💐.

Those comments are horrifying and I'm sorry you've been subjected to them. Dreadful, insensitive people.

In defense of the clumsy people ….

they just don’t know what to say.

the most thoughtful comments come from people who have experienced similar. Those who have not, just do not know what to say.

Maybe they should teach @ school - the right things to say in awful/awkward/emotional/difficult situations

or put teaching this onto parents …

Don’t think they are being awful on purpose.

OP I am so sorry for the loss of your precious child Isaac.
Those comments are terribly insensitive, I cannot imagine how much they must have hurt you. Its astounding how people have found a way to make the passing of Isaac about them and their children, regardless of their intentions. Lacking self awareness and basic understanding of grief.
I don’t and can’t pretend to comprehend how you’re feeling at the moment, having lost Isaac and having a toddler and soon to welcome a baby. I wish you and your family comfort and healing xxx

How about some actual empathy🤷🏼‍♀️
if you’re struggling with concept someone has posted a link to a great little video you can use to learn how to do empathy and be supportive.
🤦‍♀️

everyone saying its cclumsy a mistake
what about the written word? they ha time t think and thats what thhey ome up with?

I am so sorry for your loss, and that you've had these horrible comments.