Am I bu to feel that this is an inappropriate thing to say to a parent who's lost lost their child?

[EnfysHeulenEira]

Lost my son Isaac six moths ago to neroblastoma; it was absolutely the worst Time or our lives.

At the time we go so many people comment. Post or text

oh that's so, I'll give my littles a extra big squeeze tonight: I don't think I'd still be here if I was you, I'd have killed myself

I mean thanks I guess, I've got 2 year old and I am 39 weeks pregnant.I can't give up, my babies need me.

I saw a woman who used to be good friends with me before Isaac died and then dropped me when he died, said to me yesterday. Oh wow you look glowing! I'm so glad you were able to move on and replace Isaac, you know when that sorry thing happened I just couldn't stop crying thinking about my own babies dying I just hug them a little tight now

First of all there is no replacing Isaac! Second of all you knew I was pregnant when we lost him and lastly fuck out about the holding your babies tighter. Someone wrote in a card that was attacked to flowers we got '
sleep well Isaac, will give my baby a big hug tonight'

If you're one of those people who say that, please stop

Firstly I am so sorry for your loss.
The comments are completely inappropriate and vile. I am angry on your behalf.

@EnfysHeulenEira I am so sorry for your loss.
Would you like to tell us about Isaac?

I’m so sorry for the loss of Isaac and having to deal with insensitive comments is bloody awful. I hope your new baby arrives safely and that you can find joy in your memories of your lovely little boy in time.

The things that come out of people’s mouths (or put into writing) is shocking.
OP, what an incredibly sad loss you’ve suffered. I’m so very sorry for you and your entire family. I really wish people could understand that it’s not words you need, just love. I wish all people could be strong enough to hold us with love when we’re at our lowest. You find out who is a friend and who has been false. The good ones really come out of nowhere and prove to be amazing. “I’ll hold my babies closer tonight,” just lands so poorly. I can’t stand when people say that.

I had a stillborn daughter many years ago and unfortunately, it’s the maddening comments of others that have remained a bit stuck. “Well, you still have her (pointing at my toddler running around). No time for tears.”
Like, oh ok! You’re right! Why am I even crying when I’ve already got one of these things? Silly me. 😳

Some people dehumanise babies and children, I think.
They see them as items on a conveyor belt that you can just replace with the next one. It doesn’t go that way at all. And it’s so callous, that school of thought.

Isaac’s love survives. He is the eternal thread that lives on in your family, touching everyone’s lives. He will always be your beloved son and beloved brother to his siblings. His name is such a beautiful one.

I'm sorry people are so thick and/or self absorbed OP. I feel the same about "It's a parent's worst nightmare." Except it's a reality for some parents.

Most of all I'm so sorry for your devastating loss. Wishing you all the best with your birth and newborn.

Bastards. Sadists. Bastards.

Shameless posting so I can come to this. Thankyou

I'm one of this that doesn't know what to say and shamefully once when I was younger a colleague had a miscarriage and I said nothing as I didn't know what to say.

I'm still shocked at some of those comments though. Anyone saying "I couldn't live like x" or "I'd kill myself" are just awful.

I had a difficult time when my kids were small (nowhere near as big as losing a child) and I remember people saying to my face "oh I wouldn't be able to manage" while I thought I'm not managing...

I don't know the answer. People are weird.

@EnfysHeulenEira I'm so sorry for your loss and that you've had to endure such thoughtless comments. If you can, limit contact from now on.
Just wanted to tell you that do not ever feel guilty to enjoy your toddler and new baby when the time is right. They are still here and you all deserve to enjoy each other and experience happiness. Tragic loss changes you, but it is not a life sentence for sadness.

I’m so sorry for your loss x

Moronic pig 🐖 🐷 ! 🤣

But it’s true OP: it’s just a completely clueless thing to say - as you well know.

I don’t know if this is helpful, but it helped my friend’s SIL. She made a special book of her son - just a collection of photos at first, but then added written memories of cute things he had done, drawings he had brought home from nursery etc, photos of his favourite places etc. She would sit with it every so often and at first it was very personal and painful, but gradually she shared it more with others and they would fondly remember too, and even added little anecdotes from their own memories. She said it really helped her because she felt as though, even by just sitting and turning the pages, she could still give him her time and thoughts in a focused way. I suppose similar to the way some people visit graves. But we are all different and you may think that is wrong for you.

It’s basically saying glad this horrific thing happened to you and not to me. Wtaf. So sorry op.

I’m sorry for your loss OP.
I think for most, the loss of a child is just the worst thing imaginable. People say stupid things all the time, best thing is to ignore them as you’ll drive yourself mad at their tactlessness and stupidity!

In my experience grieving people are met with - appropriate condolences 50%, or totally ignored - crossing in the street or no mention at all, 25%. Or the idiotic comment crew 25%.
When my mother died unexpectedly one of her friends first words were “whats going to happen to Valuable Thing she owns” didn’t even say she was sorry or any type of condolences. We just looked at her open mouthed!

That's an awful thing to say. Of course any one would give their child a hug, but they absolutely shouldn't say it to you. We know a girl who lost her child and I didn't know what to say as there is obviously nothing that is going to help. When I saw her I said 'I don't know what to say to you but I just want to give you a hug' and she immediately hugged me. No word can make it better but there are plenty which do the opposite.
I am very sorry for your loss

The same was said to me when my twin sons died last year. Stillborn and my second had his life support removed at 4 days old. It cuts deep that comment. I'm sorry for your loss

I'm so very sorry for your loss, OP.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

It sounds like this person could be making your loss all about them and their feelings, and they seem to be turning it into a competition about who has stronger emotions. See if that fits with other interaction you have had.

I’m so very sorry for your loss. I hope you have plenty of supportive friends and family around in real life to help you cope.

Unfortunately, there isn’t a manual on how to support a friend grieving for the loss of a child and some people will say the oddest and most inappropriate things because they have no useful experience to guide them.

Posters mention that some people lack empathy and maybe they do, but I wouldn’t automatically assume they don’t care.

Years ago when my friend lost a baby I sent her a gift by post as I lived overseas by then and couldn’t visit in person and her husband returned it to the store and sent me an angry message. I understand that he felt it was inappropriate and I’d obviously made a mistake but I didn't intend to cause either of them any additional distress. My lack of experience and having no parents to guide me meant I got it wrong. But I definitely did care a lot.

@EnfysHeulenEira
I'm so sorry for your loss 💐

I'm so very sorry for your loss OP.

Having lost a child shortly after birth I have heard it all too. People are twats quite bluntly. With time I can see that it was just thoughtlessness rather than malice, but still people should stop and think and not make it about them!

I'm sorry for your loss OP.
I guess people don't know what to say and they end up saying something really stupid and insensitive.
When my friend lost her dd - people wouldn't speak to her - they crossed the road - looked the other way - anything to avoid having that conversation - made her feel even more lonely and abandoned.

I’m so sorry you’ve experienced this pain. My best friend also knows that feeling & some of the things people say 💔

please check brighteststar.org they are a charity with many parents who have lost their children & can offer support as they know exactly how you are feeling

sending lots of love & strength to you all ❤️

I'm so very sorry about the loss of Isaac, and so sorry too that you have encountered such crass and insensitive comments from some of those around you.

Is those a joke?? Like are they thick or what???

Those things are insensitive to the point of cruelty.

Some women stop overtly bullying in their mid teens, but carry on into their adulthood by being horribly passively aggressive and saying things like this. It's the dagger in the side approach, but if called out, they will claim that of course they didn't mean it like that darling!

I don't think I'd still be here if I was you, I'd have killed myself - totally unacceptable. There is empathising, but I don't think this is what this was.

I'm so glad you were able to move on and replace Isaac - again, a dick things to say and TOTALLY unacceptable.

I'm a childless woman, and even childless people should know not to say things like that. The fact that mothers have said them shows, that unfortunately, motherhood does not develop some women's characters.

I am so sorry you have lost your little boy.

My SIL lost her 3 year old. At the time she also had an 18 month old and was also pregnant. I remember her telling me just how dreadfully upsetting some people's comments were, people would tell her to forget about her little boy and concentrate on the ones who were still here, who actually allows comments like that to leave their mouths?
"So sorry for your loss" is all they need to say if they have nothing more comforting to give.

Love and light to you all ❤

Also I'm sorry for your loss OP. Things like this being said to someone who's lost a child makes me angry for you :(

Dymunwn iechyd a heddwch i chi a'r teulu ar ol y colled yma. 💜