To find it frustrating when people say “they’re just being honest” when they’re actually being rude?

[OpenPombear]

It seems like some people use ‘honesty’ as an excuse to be hurtful. AIBU to feel that there’s a difference between being honest and being rude?

THIS. It's one thing to give an honest answer to a friend who asks you what you think of her new haircut for example. It's another entirely to go up to someone who hasn't asked for an opinion, is clearly happy with their choice, and then just tell them it looks shit. Who does that and why do you think they want or value your stupid opinion if they haven't asked for it?

I don't think anyone does that in real life; people going up to random strangers telling them their hair looks shit. It's certainly not something I've ever come across.

But why give them 'false reassurance' if you don't believe it to be true?
I would far rather risk being 'bad cop' than have my friend/partner be insulted by a total stranger once we're out. That's what makes a true friend.
That being said, the answer would likely be a different depending on whether they ask directly 'DMBLBIT' as opposed to 'How do I look?' The latter puts the onus on you to respond in the kindest, most honest way possible.

Ex best friend used to swear she was just “being honest” and told me it’s better that she speaks the truth than hide it after making continuous rude and unnecessary opinionated comments about mine or others lives.

I think sometimes people just stick their nose in with nasty comments and say “I’m just an honest person”

If I ask for your opinion then tell me the truth. But no need to be nasty for no reason other than to put others down

It’s a difficult one I think. With loved ones and valued friends, you want to be tactful, kind, dress up the blunt truth a bit, be supportive more than anything else.
But with people who do very wrong things, make decisions that harm themselves or others, are simply unwilling to learn from previous mistakes, it’s very hard to wrap this sort of person in cotton wool.

It's social convention. "Does my bum look big." "No! You look great." "How are you?" "Fine thanks.' They're established customs.

It also depends on context. "I'm worried about my health, do you think I need to lose weight?" A good friend would ideally tell you the truth.

There are times when the truth is necessary and times when it's not being asked for or not appropriate. Someone with good emotional intelligence can navigate the correct response.

Well yes, that's precisely what I meant.

When going through my divorce I used to brace myself every time my ex said he was going to be honest. He used it as an excuse to be very cruel. He left my self esteem in tatters. I still shudder when I hear it.

Yes, it’s very much about the delivery.

I'd say its even beyond rude - they actually mean to insult you.

😂 Oh my goodness a ‘you’ problem.This thread is about people who haven’t asked for an opinion, unsolicited advice.
It’s completely different when a friend, family member, has asked for your advice, opinion, then gets offended.Would you be ok with someone saying to you, out of the blue, you need to exercise more, that’s why you’re so overweight (with no thought, understanding, this person, may have a medical condition, or is happy with how they look) or you should wear some make-up, it would make you more attractive, under the guise "they’re just being honest”