Dh always prioritising our son

[doggdoodle]

We had 2 girls first and Dh was great with the girls but always a bit disappointed as he really wanted a son so wanted to try for a boy and he got his son.
As soon as we knew we were expecting a boy he went out and bought all new expensive stuff for him, something he didn't show so much enthusiasm about with the girls.
Took his scan pic around to proudly show off his boy.
Ever since he was born he was treated differently some examples
Dd1 wanted to play football dh said no as we couldn't afford it.
Ds wants to play football dh (on same salary) finds the money for football.
DD's get shouted at for being too noisy
Ds makes more noise but he's alright he's enjoying himself.
DD's are moaned at for making a mess
Ds makes a mess and is just having fun and we can pick it up later.
DD's cannot do anything right because dh gets annoyed with them, shouts at them and gets impatient.
Ds can't do anything wrong.
When both DD's were born Dh went back to work and I looked after the baby.
When DS was born Dh took a month of work so he could bond with him.
He proudly pushed the pushchair and showed him off.
I end up over compensating to the girls so they don't feel the difference.
I'm starting to feel as if our family is boys v girls because he's always on DS side if there's any squabbles so I try and comfort the girls.

I do point out to dh how he treats them differently and he says how do I? And then denies every example I give.
Sometimes I think it's not going to work out and we should separate but I know that won't change anything for the girls, they'd just be treated unfairly and I wouldn't be there for them when they were I don't think there is an answer.

Favouritism has never done anyone any good. Bad parenting on his part.

Absolutely this!

Mr Passing Strangers dad favoured the younger two. He was the oldest.

It makes me so angry but there's no point his dad is long dead.
It's not nice for the unfavoured child at all and they do work it out.🙄😡

It'll probably end up with the daughters looking after the miserable sod when he's old, too, the son will be long gone..

Can you get him to see a counseling? He needs to adjust his behavior before he ruins his son.

Yeah this.

Be really clear that you won't accept it and that it is damaging your DD. 100% back up your daughters in front of him, them and DS (so they don't think their father's mysoginist behaviour is normal).

If he doesn't try to change, decide if you are willing to let your kids grow up feeling it is OK to be treated that way

This is a horrible situation OP. DB and I grew up like this and it only became worse when I became a teenager and began to have opinions of my own. DB could do no wrong.

I sincerely hope that your husband is capable of change and you can make a nicer home environment for your whole family.

But if he can’t/wont change you must get out. Your girls will be better for it, and your son might not realise it at first, but he will too.

You sound like a great mum, I hope it all works out for your family.

He's a controlling prick.
Your poor daughters.
You need to return to work asap.

That,
you need to make things right right in front of everyone and every single time. You don’t need to fight or anything just actually ask « why would DD1 have to be quiet? » « she isn’t making that much noise, same level as DS »

on every single thing and every single time. Everyone will understand what you are doing and the girls will be appreciative if it. Your son will also learn what fairness is from one of his parent.

Good luck 👏🏼

I might have missed a chpterut have you talked to your kids about this siuation. I know they are young but I'm sure they realizeand feel it's unfair. I am honestly thinking you should put the cat amongst the pigeons but if they are seeing this day in day out they will end up thinking it's OK which it certainly isn't. Unless you can sort him out your lad will end up a misoginist too and your daughters will think being treated badly is OK brcause they don't see you putting up a fight.
Has he any idea that you might take them away justto getthem out of his clutches.
Does he have this attitude to other females in you lives?

Your husband is semi forcing you to favour the girls to ‘compensate’ but your son will also see this so stop immediately.
Do not allow yourself to be put in a position where you ever favour one child over another as in a way you are also reinforcing a stereotype; mum and the girls, dad and his son.
I would take some time with your husband and point out all you have said here but starting with your own relationship and how he views you and your finances. Insist he enrols on either counselling or parenting course and to my mind how he responds will dictate your next step.

As a parent with both girls and boys I can honestly say girls football is more than twice as expensive as boys football. So it may be that you can afford your son to play and not your daughter - it's certainly the case here where for my daughter to play it's £30 a month subs plus I have to buy all the kit. My sons team is £10 a month subs and all I need to provide is boots and shin pads.

What is the age gap between the children? At a certain age it does go from playing and having to making a mess. It also goes from playing and having fun to being noisy.

Also you say you've over compensating for the way he treats your son can you be sure that in doing that your doing to your son what you perceive him to be doing therefore he's over compensating for you and it's a vicious circle.

You honestly don't speak nicely about your son. Were you disappointed that you were not having a 3rd girl?

Your DH hates women. Didn’t you ever notice this when it was just the two of you?

Ah it looks like the OP isn’t actually reading or responding to the posts, other than to drop in a bit of financial abuse as a cake topper. I’m guessing you were hoping for advice that didn’t point out that your husband is a contemptuous cretin and divorce is the only answer. We could all pretend he’s going to magically change if you like, but we’d only be kidding you in the same way you are kidding yourself. Please see this for what it is and grow some backbone. Stop reinforcing his views by being such a second class whimpering or avoidant pushover…

Is this the male role
model you want your daughters to have? Leave him now as he sounds controlling with money

It's very simply you leave him.

@doggdoodle

A year ago my I would have thought you were my sister!

She had 2 girs 13 months apart, her husband desperately wanted a boy and she felt pressured into a third baby (which was a boy) despite being diagnosed with MS and struggling with her health shortly after her second girl was born.

She left her husband a year ago, her girls were 14/13 and her son was 8. Honestly she should have left earlier. The girls are resentful to their brother because of how he was treated in a God like fashion in comparison to them, their relationship with their dad is not great and her hardly sees them (they are a bit indifferent and outwardly say they don’t care but I’m sure deep down it hurts them) he sees his son every weekend and throughout the week though. My sister tried/tries to overcompensate with the girls for the favouring of her son but that hinders the relationship between her and her son.

my advice is leave before it is 8/9 years down the line and damage has been done that may never be fixed.

Sounds like there are much larger issues here than just the (bad enough) way he treats his daughters versus his son.

If you split, the girls would at least very soon have the option of whether they wanted to see him at all.