Dh always prioritising our son

[doggdoodle]

We had 2 girls first and Dh was great with the girls but always a bit disappointed as he really wanted a son so wanted to try for a boy and he got his son.
As soon as we knew we were expecting a boy he went out and bought all new expensive stuff for him, something he didn't show so much enthusiasm about with the girls.
Took his scan pic around to proudly show off his boy.
Ever since he was born he was treated differently some examples
Dd1 wanted to play football dh said no as we couldn't afford it.
Ds wants to play football dh (on same salary) finds the money for football.
DD's get shouted at for being too noisy
Ds makes more noise but he's alright he's enjoying himself.
DD's are moaned at for making a mess
Ds makes a mess and is just having fun and we can pick it up later.
DD's cannot do anything right because dh gets annoyed with them, shouts at them and gets impatient.
Ds can't do anything wrong.
When both DD's were born Dh went back to work and I looked after the baby.
When DS was born Dh took a month of work so he could bond with him.
He proudly pushed the pushchair and showed him off.
I end up over compensating to the girls so they don't feel the difference.
I'm starting to feel as if our family is boys v girls because he's always on DS side if there's any squabbles so I try and comfort the girls.

I do point out to dh how he treats them differently and he says how do I? And then denies every example I give.
Sometimes I think it's not going to work out and we should separate but I know that won't change anything for the girls, they'd just be treated unfairly and I wouldn't be there for them when they were I don't think there is an answer.

He is a repulsive, misogynistic throwback. My god. What a failure he is.

Please leave to protect your children from his abhorrent mindset.

But Op's DDs would know, because their mother has shown them, that misojynistic behaviour is not acceptable and that she has done everything she could to protect them from it.

Did you know he was a misogynist before having kids with him?
He's a fundamentally terrible person, openly and actively damaging your kids. They'll all need therapy if they're not yet attending any.

He's hardly going to say 'yes, I am knuckledragging trash' easy to just lie and deny he's damaging his kids. Trying to get him to admit his misogyny is futile.

How can he deny the football discrepancy??

This

If he won’t acknowledge his sexism, there is little chance he will change his mind. He is instilling the same values in his kids. You can either accept it or leave him.

Tell him - if you won’t acknowledge your favouritism and address it, I can’t see any future in our marriage.

Your dh is sexist. You can have a frank and open conversation with him and ask him to change, seek help, but it will be difficult for him as it’s internalised and he has to want to do it himself, not because you’ve asked him to, so unlikely he will. Then you need to ask yourself if you want to stay with him if he won’t change. as per pp’s for me the answer would be no.

I think only an ultimatum works, equal treatment or it's the end. It's not doing the same clubs, it's equal money for instance. Misogyny is alive and well alas.

If you split then you can treat them equally. That will be a lot more beneficial than the current situation where you end up torn and over compensating. If you split their father's behaviour is not being condoned by you. So at least they have one decent parent.
I agree with a pp who said your son stands to lose as much as your daughters. Your husband is destroying the sibling relationship. That's not in your son's interests.

He's a fucking idiot. No more, no less.

I believe some of DHs absolute proudest moments as a father have been spent watching his DD play football for a local team.
This Muppet is going to miss out on so much with 2/3 of his children if he doesn't wise up.

If he doesn't take what you're saying seriously and at least reflect on why you are saying it then I'm afraid you're just another female and therefore lesser being in his life. Just like your precious daughters.

I'd be seriously considering whether I want my son to grow up to be just like daddy, and whether I'd be happy for my daughters to marry a man who treats them with contempt just like daddy.

OP, you have to also remember that your son will pick up on your behaviour too.
It's very natural to want to compensate for dh's behaviour bit ds will start picking up on it ( just as girls will pick up on dad)
And then it can easily later become 'mommy was always sticking up for the girls and that's why daddy was softer with little johnny)
I'd have a frank conversation. Or videotape. You just told Sarah she cannot have a biscuit so johnny is not having one either.
Sometimes they don't realise what they are doing and its hard to hear that you are favouring a child

And if it doesn't change my best advice is to remember not to do the same (ie be softer on the girls than on your son)
Because then in essence you are doing the same as your husband. ( It doesn't matter if it is in response to dh -its still wrong from your side)

I'm wondering if this male originates from a particularly patriarchal culture?

Your husband sounds disgusting. Sorry I can't think of much advice to offer, apart from maybe asking someone else to call out his behaviour, if he's not listening to you.

I think that if he refuses to see it and change, despite your best efforts, then you have to divorce him. Otherwise your children, the girls and the boy, will grow up thinking that this sort of misogyny is not just normal, but acceptable.

I would have laughed in his face and signed my daughter up for football

Be more assertive or divorce

This will only get worse Op, he'll expect your DDs to help in the house but not his boy, more freedom for his boy, more money. Your son will grow up just as sexist as his dad. Time to mark his cards that if this goes on you'll be having a serious think aboit divorce

@doggdoodle sounds like his is how his parents may have behaved. You either separate, or you pull him up on every single occurrence until he gets the message (then separate if he can’t change). Otherwise he is perpetuating the ‘women are second class’ nonsense.

He needs to read one of those parenting books on raising boys vs girls and then he'll realise he's doing it.

Divorce is 100% the answer. If for no other reason than that it must surely kill any kind of attraction you might have had to this man.

It also shows your dds that this is not acceptable.

Have you had it out with him re how unreasonable this is, or sought any counselling? As a first step before actually divorcing.

He very much knows what he is doing, it's a deliberate choice. If it weren't, he would have been horrified at having it pointed out and would have strove to educate himself on feminism and parenting, instantly.

My father did similar. He treated me just as he thought women should be treated. As a second class person. Oddly, as an adult I wanted as little to do with him as possible.

I was treated differently and it was definitely worse when mum wasn't there to call it out. So don't rush to divorce unless your girls can stand together.

In my family it was my mother who favoured my brother but my dad went along with it. The golden child had his own room, nicely decorated and fitted out, his own TV whilst me and my sister shared the undecorated room, no furniture except bunk beds for years, then second hand granny furniture. New bike when he went up to high school. Didn't have to do chores. Also never disciplined so given free rein to torment me and my sister. In the wider family boys are favoured too. When my grandmother died was given the pick of valuable/sentimental items even though he barely went near her.

It hasn't ended well as he treats all women including his wife with utter contempt. Neither of us want anything to do with him. He's thrown me under the bus too many times, even bad mouthing me to my husband and friends. He has absolutely no self awareness of what a callous prick he is. He sees himself as a nice guy, the comedian of the family.

Beware golden children. It doesn't bode well for their future characters.

When he signed DS up for football did you make him ask DD if she was still interested so then they could both do it? did you sign her up for it? or did you let him make this ridiculous and unfair decision and just do nothing?

You need to sort this out ASAP, this is awful for your DDs. They are going to hate him for this and have issues with you for allowing it to happen to them.

I hope you realise how utterly awful and damaging this is op.

Divorce is the only answer. You know that for you, but I understand the nerves about what happens to your girls here.

But divorce gives your children, all of them, a chance. Like a poster said upthread, as it stands, your children are 100 % of the time is this awful misogynistic environment. If you divorce, yes they'll be with this pig alone, but they'll also be with you alone. And that will be there chance of peace.