Dh always prioritising our son

[doggdoodle]

We had 2 girls first and Dh was great with the girls but always a bit disappointed as he really wanted a son so wanted to try for a boy and he got his son.
As soon as we knew we were expecting a boy he went out and bought all new expensive stuff for him, something he didn't show so much enthusiasm about with the girls.
Took his scan pic around to proudly show off his boy.
Ever since he was born he was treated differently some examples
Dd1 wanted to play football dh said no as we couldn't afford it.
Ds wants to play football dh (on same salary) finds the money for football.
DD's get shouted at for being too noisy
Ds makes more noise but he's alright he's enjoying himself.
DD's are moaned at for making a mess
Ds makes a mess and is just having fun and we can pick it up later.
DD's cannot do anything right because dh gets annoyed with them, shouts at them and gets impatient.
Ds can't do anything wrong.
When both DD's were born Dh went back to work and I looked after the baby.
When DS was born Dh took a month of work so he could bond with him.
He proudly pushed the pushchair and showed him off.
I end up over compensating to the girls so they don't feel the difference.
I'm starting to feel as if our family is boys v girls because he's always on DS side if there's any squabbles so I try and comfort the girls.

I do point out to dh how he treats them differently and he says how do I? And then denies every example I give.
Sometimes I think it's not going to work out and we should separate but I know that won't change anything for the girls, they'd just be treated unfairly and I wouldn't be there for them when they were I don't think there is an answer.

You can prove it to him. Point out the unfairness of what he’s doing each and every time. Zero tolerance.

He's a sexist, misogynistic prick.
Both in relation to you and your children.

How painfully sad! I'm so sorry!!!

Stop your pay going directly into the joint account. You can put in a proportion, but you shouldn’t have to ask for money for stuff, unless it’s like a new car or something.

This is misogyny, as you're aware. He's explaining away your son's behaviour as "boys will be boys" whilst simultaneously holding the women folk to much higher standards and having expectations of them that are impossible to live up to, thereby making them feel like they're always falling short and setting them up for a lifetime of self blame, failed self esteem and people pleasing behaviour. A story as old as time. I'm not sure what you do about it, op, especially as you've tried to make him see reason.

My dh is actually harder on our son than our daughter. He's the eldest by 6 years though, and also dh doesn't want ds to make the same mistakes he did, which I think has a lot to do with it. It's a cause of frequent tension in our house. Luckily, although he needs reminding, dh does actually tone it down, and apologises when he's at fault.

So which account does the money you earn go into and do you have any control over it? TBH this is sounding worse and worse with each update.

I'd put money on it that this utter misogynistic twat expects that when he's an old man, that caring for elderly parents will be a woman's job.
Luckily he has two lovely daughters that he's treated just as well as his son, who are bound to want to return the love, respect and support he's given them over the years.....oh wait....
You need to stand up for your girls each and every time and if he keeps shutting you down you know he has zero respect for you and your girls.

Sounding very like he's financially abusive to you too.

I agree with pp that there's more going on here for you.

Patriarchy and misogyny written large for you and your daughters to see. It stinks, as does his control of all the finances.

Reminds me of friends who insisted on sending their son to an expensive private school as it was "more important for boys" while the daughters went to state. The son is a spoiled twat in his late 20s, never graduated from uni because he couldn't be bothered to do any work, yet his parents still think the sun shines out of his arse.

No need to wonder where male entitlement comes from.

I've only read the Op as that was enough.

Divorce, don't send the girls, let him have his precious son if he wants. Eventually the son will see his dad treats his sisters badly and won't want to know. Ime brothers do not like it when their sister isn't treated right..

Do you want your daughter's in a marriage like yours?

If not you need to leave. By staying you are teaching them it's ok for them and you to be treated like this.

That's just so sad, mean and awful. Show him this thread -
buy him only books about how females should be treated equally for Xmas! EG something about '' How not to be a mean misogynist pig!'' etc.

Your poor girls, he’s setting a disgusting example for them. I don’t know how you can stand such a misogynistic prick. Why don’t you have access to the savings account?

Yes, this.
And the husband is just a human being, after all.
What if the girls were preferred?

Sorry, but your husband is a sexist asshole, OP.

'Boys will be boys' misogyny is horrible (boys can be loud; girls can't. boys can play football; girls can't. I'll fund a boy playing football/sport, but not a girl. Boys need to move; girls don't. and so on). And for your girls to have to be raised in their own home, which is supposed to be a safe place, by someone who clearly believes and fosters this nonsense, would be a red flag for me.

I would be demanding family counselling over this or pursuing a divorce if he refused to go.

Keep track of his behaviour on this. Write it down. Sit him down. Show him how he is absolutely treating your son differently than he treats the girls, everything from money, to sport, to time, to noise levels, to getting new stuff.

This isn't fair to your daughters and it will only get worse, especially since he's denying he's behaving like this when he clearly is.

So he's financially abusive as well.

Good times.

I'd get legal advice about what you'd likely be entitled to if you divorced him.

Yes, a misogynistic human. Are you suggesting that’s not a problem?

Urgh sounds like my bil

Your husband is a fucking embarrassment. Who does he think he is, treating you all second best?! The king and his little prince... He clearly hates females.

Demand access to the savings,it's your money, spend what you like and don't accept any more shit. If he doesn't shape up that'd be the end of it for me.

You’re married to a sexist pig who is financially controlling you.

If he got 50/50 care they would be in a worse situation as half of their life they'd feel overlooked.

Why are you letting him have the "final say"?
Do you not see yourself as equal? Is that because you're female?

There's no way i would allow one child getting something that the other wants. They both do football or nobody does.

I thought at the start people were being a bit OTT by telling you to leave but really, your girls may very well end up with daddy issues and allow men to have the "final say" over their lives.
Your son may also grow up to walk around thinking he is God's gift, which is the type of man girls with daddy issues stay with...

Stop allowing him to treat you and your daughters as less than.

Not quite sure why you wanted a third child with this man.

Not helpful.

Would I dare....