To cancel our first holiday together 6 days beforehand

[Chickenrun12]

Hi all, I'm trying to understand why my boyfriend would ask me this before I cancel our holiday. We have been together about a year and we are going to Thailand on Wednesday, he has never left Europe so we are both looking forward to it. Early today I mentioned I had read there are ALOT of massage places offering happy endings where we are staying thinking we would both have a have a bit of a laugh about it so I was shocked when he said 'I could get a hand job and you could watch' I laughed and said yeah right thinking he was joking but he carried on by saying 'it wouldn't be cheating if you were in the room would it'. I asked if he was joking and he said no. I couldn't believe he'd even suggest it. I said OK maybe I can get a happy ending from a man whilst you're in the room (I would never) and he got very annoyed saying it's totally different and why would I even say that. This is our first holiday together. I have planned and paid for this holiday as a gift and I just cannot believe he would even suggest it. He did apologise after I told him how upset I was.

For context he slept around alot whilst we were seeing each other but not officially together whilst saying if I ever slept with someone else he would never see me again. He swears blind he has been loyal since we have been official and I believe him (maybe stupidly). Any thoughts? I feel like not going at this point but maybe that's an overreaction

So he slept around
This is what he thinks of women
He has horrendous double standards

Why did you pay for such a big gift for him?

It seems that your relationship is unbalanced.

I'd dump him and go on the holiday yourself, or ask a friend to go with you.

He has showed you who he is, and it's not good! 🚩

Go on holiday. Don't take him.

I would.have dumped him after he kept sleeping around in early stages most likely but 100% so when I saw he had such a big double standard. What a total wanker.

Why are you planning to cancel the holiday rather than the relationship? That speaks volumes about how you value yourself. You can enjoy the holiday (and life) much more on your own than you ever could with a sexist, woman-exploiting, double-standards prick.

Throw the whole man away. Not just the holiday, the entire man.

Indeed!

Go on holiday without him. There is nothing wrong with having kinks as long as both partners are on the same page about them. You are not and the power is skewed in his favour. It's a no for me. But you shouldn't cancel your own holiday because of it. Just his.

You should definitely still go on your holiday. Go solo or see if you can change the name on his flight ticket and take someone a friend instead.

I know you must be gutted, but don't let a creep ruin such a great trip.

For context he slept around alot whilst we were seeing each other but not officially together

So what was it about him that made you want to get together?

Is 'cancel the holiday' synonymous with 'break up'? Because there's no point doing one without the other.

A lot to take in when you have a ticking clock and the stress of a big trip ahead.

But this could be a life defining moment.

You paid for the holiday, which puts you in an even stronger position to go on your own! Would he have had you pay for his happy ending too?

Don't cancel it. Take a friend/ go on your own after dumping him

He’s probably still sleeping around but enjoys the perks you’re giving him - free holidays.

Go on your own, lose that prick.

Fuck him off. Take a friend if you can but if not go and have a good time by yourself.

Would be drier than the Sahara for this fucking creep.

Run run run.

I’m guessing the same reason that many of us get into relationships with poor partners - low self esteem.

You’re still going on your amazing holiday - but he’s no longer invited.

Dump him! Take a friend, have a fab holiday and take a moment to celebrate not wasting any more of your life on him!

Go on holiday enjoy yourself and go from there!

Phone the airline/travel agent and find out if you can change the name on his ticket, take a good friend and have the best time.

You don't want to spend your life with a misogynist so don't waste another second.

Ah, he's only joking! He sounds great, a right laugh. You really don't need a random group of unknown people on an internet forum to tell you the flipping obvious do you @Chickenrun12 ??

HE'S A KEEPER! You are one lucky lady 👌

Cancel the holiday and dump him! Or go on holiday with a friend and dump him.

It's totally inappropriate for you to pay for a really expensive holiday one year into a relationship. He's a wate of space. You should go alone or treat a friend. Your money would have been better spent on therapy to work on your boundary issues.

Get this man out of your life completely - he has no respect for you, he uses women and he has no morals. The only good thing is that you have found out now and not when you are on holiday with him…horrible man. Regarding the holiday, cancel it or (better) go on your own or see if a friend will go with you if you can change the name on the booking.

if there’s a ticket with his name on it you can’t stop him getting on the plane, the hotel may agree to changing the booking to your name only

Men who think sex is 'different' for them have deep rooted mysogynist beliefs. You may be able to get them to stop voicing them or stop behaving in accordance with them if they feel you will leave them otherwise, but they'll always be there. And a bit like the junk and clutter you shove in a cupboard and close the door on, they will keep falling out.