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Original poster

To cancel our first holiday together 6 days beforehand

482 replies

Chickenrun12 · 26/09/2024 03:55

Hi all, I'm trying to understand why my boyfriend would ask me this before I cancel our holiday. We have been together about a year and we are going to Thailand on Wednesday, he has never left Europe so we are both looking forward to it. Early today I mentioned I had read there are ALOT of massage places offering happy endings where we are staying thinking we would both have a have a bit of a laugh about it so I was shocked when he said 'I could get a hand job and you could watch' I laughed and said yeah right thinking he was joking but he carried on by saying 'it wouldn't be cheating if you were in the room would it'. I asked if he was joking and he said no. I couldn't believe he'd even suggest it. I said OK maybe I can get a happy ending from a man whilst you're in the room (I would never) and he got very annoyed saying it's totally different and why would I even say that. This is our first holiday together. I have planned and paid for this holiday as a gift and I just cannot believe he would even suggest it. He did apologise after I told him how upset I was.

For context he slept around alot whilst we were seeing each other but not officially together whilst saying if I ever slept with someone else he would never see me again. He swears blind he has been loyal since we have been official and I believe him (maybe stupidly). Any thoughts? I feel like not going at this point but maybe that's an overreaction

OP posts:
Rumplestrumpet · 26/09/2024 05:26

Personally, the fact he's interested in a happy ending isn't the bit that concerns me most - I think most men would like to enjoy sexual experiences with more than one partner if honest.

For me the big problem is that he thinks it's ok for him and not for you. And this is clearly a longstanding issue that was clear at the start of your relationship. I think that's a really bad sign of someone not interested in equality and respect in th relationship. That doesn't bode well.

Are there other areas or issues in the relationship where this is demonstrated? Interesting that you've paid for the whole holiday too - why is that?

I think you need to think very hard about whether this man is the right man to share your life with.

Bearbookagainandagain · 26/09/2024 05:26

Don't cancel: go on your own!

Pluviophile1 · 26/09/2024 05:33

I would urge you to reconsider this relationship. Don't cancel, but do not allow him on the holiday.

Fupoffyagrasshole · 26/09/2024 05:35

Go on your own I’m travelling Thailand right now with my little kids and having a blast ira so safe and I wouldn’t need a man here to do this trip !!

M103 · 26/09/2024 05:44

Go on your own! And dump him.

Luio · 26/09/2024 05:44

That is so unattractive. I wouldn’t be able to sleep with him again. Can you find a friend to go to Thailand with?

In the future, if you are dating someone and they are sleeping with other people, stop dating them. It doesn’t matter if you are official or not.

Teanbiscuits33 · 26/09/2024 05:46

What a catch of man, I bet women everywhere are devastated to learn he is taken 🤣. Jesus Christ, women have such low bars and for some reason it never ceases to amaze me! Lord knows how you can bear to have sex with this charmer, let alone gift him an exotic holiday.

llamalines · 26/09/2024 05:49
  1. He's happy to exploit women sexually.
  1. He probably visits prostitutes / strip clubs here
  1. That he can't see you doing the same is exactly the same thing shows massive double standards that are so ingrained he doesn't even realise or care how inconsistent and unfair he is being.

Throw this one back in the sea, he's an arsehole.

forcompany · 26/09/2024 05:55

He has absolutely no respect for you. Don't let him treat you like this. It will only get worse!

Get rid. He would make my skin crawl!

Take a friend or go on your own.

Tiredmamma357 · 26/09/2024 05:55

I would 100% end this relationship. Even early on expecting you to not date whilst he continues to date until he decided when he stops is a red flag. Please don't have children with this man. I'd go on the holiday on my own. Even see if a friend last minute can join you (you've already paid for it so may as well offer it out to your close friends/mum/cousin! You'll have much more fun! And honestly I'd maybe seek some counselling if your finding it hard to break up with him, you deserve better and may need to talk through why you are accepting behaviour like this. I've been there and counselling helped so much to see why I was accepting awful treatment from blokes!

Mummyoflittledragon · 26/09/2024 06:11

Yuk. Go on your own. Dump the misogynistic cheater.

angellinaballerina7 · 26/09/2024 06:15

You’d do well to dump him and see if you can take a friend/sibling.

Bournetilly · 26/09/2024 06:18

Go on your own (unless you can change the name and have someone who wants to go with you). He will only get worse.

ThatAgileGoldMoose · 26/09/2024 06:20

Dump him and either go alone or take a friend. He isn't going to get any better, either on holiday or at home.

category12 · 26/09/2024 06:23

You've been together a year and you paid for a holiday to Thailand as a birthday gift?

🤐

PoppyFleur · 26/09/2024 06:24

‘For context he slept around alot whilst we were seeing each other but not officially together whilst saying if I ever slept with someone else he would never see me again.’

So he showed you exactly who he was at the start of the relationship and you ploughed on regardless. Why?

YABU to have expected him to change, the signs were there from the beginning. What has he done to deserve a holiday funded by you?

Get rid of him, you deserve better- and if you don’t believe you deserve more than this pitiful specimen, please start working on your self esteem.

Zanatdy · 26/09/2024 06:26

I’d love to know why its different if you were the happy recipient. What a joke, get rid and pay to change the booking to a friend. He might have apologised but you know he would he straight there given half a chance

AlertCat · 26/09/2024 06:27

What’s unreasonable is that you haven’t already dumped him and are paying to take him to Thailand. Bin him off and go with a friend. He’s a horrible twonk with a horrible attitude to women. You can do so much better.

Gonk123 · 26/09/2024 06:28

Why did you pay for his ticket. He is awful! You can do better. Take a friend!

RedHelenB · 26/09/2024 06:31

Windrainandsnow · 26/09/2024 04:05

He slept around a lot when you first got together and now has asked your permission to have sex with another woman while you watch: this is who he is.

I don't think you can expect a monogamous relationship with this man.

So if it's monogamy you want then I think you should end things.

This. Plus you're not equal in his eyes, he can enjoy a massage but you can't.

PurpleFlower1983 · 26/09/2024 06:37

Get rid and take a mate!

fortheveryfirsttime · 26/09/2024 06:39

He sounds like a pig and I would be dumping him for the attitude.

That it's ok for him to sleep around but not you and for him to have his seedy little session but again not you.

The fact that he's ok with using sex workers is another no for me.

The chances of you getting someone to go with you is probably remote but I'd try or I'd go alone. Definitely don't take him. Go and have a brilliant holiday.

OhshutupSimonyounobhead · 26/09/2024 06:39

If this is real then I am surprised you have to ask.

Swissvisa · 26/09/2024 06:44

That is so grim. I don’t know how you’re not actually repulsed by him now. I would clamp shut.

You paid for the holiday so dump him and quickly find someone else to go with you. Or go alone, there are loads of travellers in Thailand and places to meet new friends, would be an adventure.

alwaysmovingforwards · 26/09/2024 06:46

The happy ending is to dump him and enjoy the holiday with a friend.