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To cancel our first holiday together 6 days beforehand

482 replies

Chickenrun12 · 26/09/2024 03:55

Hi all, I'm trying to understand why my boyfriend would ask me this before I cancel our holiday. We have been together about a year and we are going to Thailand on Wednesday, he has never left Europe so we are both looking forward to it. Early today I mentioned I had read there are ALOT of massage places offering happy endings where we are staying thinking we would both have a have a bit of a laugh about it so I was shocked when he said 'I could get a hand job and you could watch' I laughed and said yeah right thinking he was joking but he carried on by saying 'it wouldn't be cheating if you were in the room would it'. I asked if he was joking and he said no. I couldn't believe he'd even suggest it. I said OK maybe I can get a happy ending from a man whilst you're in the room (I would never) and he got very annoyed saying it's totally different and why would I even say that. This is our first holiday together. I have planned and paid for this holiday as a gift and I just cannot believe he would even suggest it. He did apologise after I told him how upset I was.

For context he slept around alot whilst we were seeing each other but not officially together whilst saying if I ever slept with someone else he would never see me again. He swears blind he has been loyal since we have been official and I believe him (maybe stupidly). Any thoughts? I feel like not going at this point but maybe that's an overreaction

OP posts:
Langdale3 · 15/05/2025 08:06

How awful for you. I am sure you want to just put it behind you but do press charges if you possibly can. I hope that you have some real life support / counselling.

Bantai · 15/05/2025 09:02

Oh OP, that update is heartbreaking to read.
You poor pet.
I am so so sorry.

What a truly awful criminal he is.
Have you reported it?
Are you getting the support you need and deserve?

Gymnopedie · 15/05/2025 11:35

OP I'm so sorry. Of course you didn't deserve that and I hope you're getting a lot of RL support.

But please don't feel bad that you gave him another chance. It's much easier to type 'leave him' on a keyboard than it is to do it when you're the one in the relationship. Especially as the comment in your OP was the first inkling you had of his real character.

LoisLanyard · 15/05/2025 11:51

I’m so sorry this has happened to you. For anyone posting negative comments, I suggest you read up on emotional abuse and coercive control. It can be insidious and gradual, it isn’t something that only affects vulnerable people. It can be hugely damaging and as a society we are conditioned to minimise it - as this whole thread bears witness to. OP - I wish you well, and you will get through this. You are not alone.

LBFseBrom · 15/05/2025 12:22

Chickenrun12 · 14/05/2025 21:59

Hi all, I posted this a good while ago now but thought I would return with a final update. This whole situation ultimately resulted in me being seriously sexually assaulted/raped by this man. This was after the relationship had ended whilst he was collecting the last of his belongings.

I am only writing this update in the hopes that anyone who comes across this thread and sees similarities in their own relationship will not be as foolish as me.

Please listen to your gut. It feels wrong because it is and no amount of hoping, talking, begging etc will change it.

I am so, so sorry, Chickenrun.

I do hope you didn't go to Thailand with him, and binned him, prior to this happening, and have gone to the police about the sexual assault.

That is awful.

I hope you are OK and safe now. x

Cel119 · 15/05/2025 16:05

LBFseBrom · 15/05/2025 12:22

I am so, so sorry, Chickenrun.

I do hope you didn't go to Thailand with him, and binned him, prior to this happening, and have gone to the police about the sexual assault.

That is awful.

I hope you are OK and safe now. x

She did, as she trusted him, then had an awful experience there involving SA, hence the break up. Then when collecting his stuff from hers, again, raped her! Its shocking!

I hope you are getting the help you need OP.
Best wishes.

LivinInYourBigGlassHouseWithAView · 15/05/2025 16:46

I'm so sorry, OP. I hope you're getting the support you need.

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