Active discussions

Help protect children from gaming harms.

Take our survey

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To cancel our first holiday together 6 days beforehand

482 replies

Chickenrun12 · 26/09/2024 03:55

Hi all, I'm trying to understand why my boyfriend would ask me this before I cancel our holiday. We have been together about a year and we are going to Thailand on Wednesday, he has never left Europe so we are both looking forward to it. Early today I mentioned I had read there are ALOT of massage places offering happy endings where we are staying thinking we would both have a have a bit of a laugh about it so I was shocked when he said 'I could get a hand job and you could watch' I laughed and said yeah right thinking he was joking but he carried on by saying 'it wouldn't be cheating if you were in the room would it'. I asked if he was joking and he said no. I couldn't believe he'd even suggest it. I said OK maybe I can get a happy ending from a man whilst you're in the room (I would never) and he got very annoyed saying it's totally different and why would I even say that. This is our first holiday together. I have planned and paid for this holiday as a gift and I just cannot believe he would even suggest it. He did apologise after I told him how upset I was.

For context he slept around alot whilst we were seeing each other but not officially together whilst saying if I ever slept with someone else he would never see me again. He swears blind he has been loyal since we have been official and I believe him (maybe stupidly). Any thoughts? I feel like not going at this point but maybe that's an overreaction

OP posts:
mumto2teenagers · 26/09/2024 09:41

If I could find a friend to come with me I would change the name and go with someone else.

Hoppinggreen · 26/09/2024 09:44

He is gross and I wouldn't want to cross the road with him let alone go to Thailand
Be prepared for him to claim it was all a bit joke and you have no sense of humour though

Shambles123 · 26/09/2024 09:49

Another vote for go on your own. He sounds vile.

Left · 26/09/2024 09:50

You’d be more unreasonable to go tbh. Just cancel it - can you get a credit for a future holiday without him?

MiddleAgedDread · 26/09/2024 09:51

For context he slept around alot whilst we were seeing each other but not officially together whilst saying if I ever slept with someone else he would never see me again.
Seriously, have some respect for yourself and ditch the sleazebag!! WTF does "seeing each other but not official" even mean??

TheAlchemy · 26/09/2024 09:53

For context he slept around alot whilst we were seeing each other but not officially together

OP I mean this as gently as I can but have you had an STI test recently? Sleeping with someone who has been “sleeping around a lot” is incredibly risky.

Ponoka7 · 26/09/2024 09:57

Do something to raise your self worth. You are basically paying for him to get wanted off because he going to go for it, even without you in the room. You've been a idiot, but cut your losses. Going solo might do your self belief wonders. There are lots of blogs by solo women travellers.

SwingTheMonkey · 26/09/2024 10:03

So you embarked on a relationship with a man who had sex with lots of other people at the same time as seeing you, whilst telling you he’d never see you again if you did the same. And then you saved up and paid for him to go on holiday to Thailand…

Ok…

Justnippinginthegaragelove · 26/09/2024 10:03

Euww he sounds vile.
I don't want to sound harsh, but I'm wondering why you made it official after he admitted to sleeping around? And why are you even questioning what to do about this new situation?
Obviously you dump him and go have an amazing holiday alone/with a friend! And don't let any man ever treat you like this again.

Febmama23 · 26/09/2024 10:10

Imagine him going on a lads holiday, he will be acting like he’s single for sure!

Whothefuckdoesthat · 26/09/2024 10:13

This is not a good man.

He’s just given you a clear warning that, if you stay with him, you are not going to have a happy life. You can ignore this warning and stay with him until he’s waving it under your nose and you can’t ignore it any longer, but I promise you that you will look back at this moment and wish that you had listened to your instincts and saved yourself years of unhappiness.

pinkyredrose · 26/09/2024 10:15

For context he slept around alot whilst we were seeing each other but not officially together whilst saying if I ever slept with someone else he would never see me again

Why the hell did you carry on seeing him let alone sink 1,000s on a holiday? Why didn't he contribute to the cost?

ThisFunHedgehog · 26/09/2024 10:15

Is this for real? You already know the answer. Dump him and take a friend or family member if you can. He’s disgusting.

Mumsgirls · 26/09/2024 10:19

Seen some ridiculous things on here but this is one of the worst. Why on earth are some women so desperate to have a man, that they allow themselves to be treated with utter contempt and even pay for it.
Dump him fast. Next have some serious therapy, so that you can understand why you are like this and how to change. Don’t even think of dating until you have learned to respect yourself.
Otherwise you will be on here in a few years having colluded in some bully ruining your life. Take this as a warning and you have a chance of happiness

No33 · 26/09/2024 10:22

Sounds like your self respect is on the floor.

Go alone and work on why you think you deserve to be treated like this by a man.

He slept with other while dating you, but said you couldn't? You've given this man too much already.

Get an sti check asap.

zeldazoo · 26/09/2024 10:30

Hope you enjoy your holiday on your own

Warning Watch Out GIF
LAMPS1 · 26/09/2024 10:37

Were you sleeping together at the beginning of the relationship while he was still sleeping around? Is that what you are saying or have I misunderstood the words ‘seeing each other but not officially together’ It was foolish to do that, if so.

You have planned and paid for a holiday for him but have only known him less than a year, part of that year being ‘unofficial’. I think it’s too soon. And I wouldn’t have mentioned the happy ending scenario at all if you knew it was something you wouldn’t be interest in. Or maybe I have that wrong too and you would be interested if you could both benefit. It’s not clear.

You are right to cancel the holiday OP. For him at least. You could still go though.

There isn’t much to understand really. He doesn’t deserve your time, commitment and investment in him let alone your financial generosity. I’m sorry you have found out this way.

But I do think you need to be much more discerning about future relationships. Make sure you communicate your values clearly and mention your expectations on fidelity early on. Find out if you are compatible before gong on holiday together so that awkward misunderstandings like this don’t happen while you are away together.

Was it really appropriate to plan and pay for this holiday for him as a gift in such a short a time. There is a possibility you were trying to buy his affections in your enthusiasm to show him the world and it has backfired.
I would be whole lot more cautious next time.
We live and learn.

goodluckbinbin · 26/09/2024 10:39

Got a friend or a sister that you cous take instead???? I would, I would also bin this guy, his double standards would annoy me - and as for the sleeping around ...

biedrona · 26/09/2024 10:40

Why are you paying for this douchebag to go on holiday?

MeganM3 · 26/09/2024 10:41

Why have you paid for his trip?

You should still go to Thailand.

Whoowhoopitstbesoundofthedapolice · 26/09/2024 10:43

Cancel his name on the ticket and go with your pal instead.

He sounds an absolute scumbag .. bin him.

HotSource · 26/09/2024 10:52

Ugh.

The sleeping around while ‘seeing you’… this whole notion of ‘official’ is such a smokescreen for lack of respect.

The eagerness to engage with sex workers: ugh. Big ugh

The double standards over jealousy and his basic belief that he should be able to control your behaviour at different standards to his own: massive red flag for controlling behaviour, emotional abuse.

He is a misogynist.

Ugh.

Going on holiday solo is so relaxing. Go on your own. Take books.

Getonwitit · 26/09/2024 11:02

Go alone and take the time to ask yourself why you were prepared to pay for this holiday for a man you have know less than a year and in that year he has shown you he has no respect for you. Please up your standards.

GladAllOver · 26/09/2024 11:10

Go on your own, and enjoy it.

Have you had an STI test? You need to check that this creep hasn't given you something to remember him by.

Justlurking10 · 26/09/2024 11:23

I nearly dumped an abusive ex before we went on holiday- I didn’t in the end because I didn’t want to spoil it for his daughter and he ruined the whole holiday for everyone. I hugely regret that decision, I should have got rid in the first place. He never paid me back either. I’m quite happily single now.

Go with a friend or on your own and have a wonderful time but please don’t take him, you’ll regret it. I travelled to the far east on my own last year and it’s one of the best holidays I have had x