To cancel our first holiday together 6 days beforehand

[Chickenrun12]

Hi all, I'm trying to understand why my boyfriend would ask me this before I cancel our holiday. We have been together about a year and we are going to Thailand on Wednesday, he has never left Europe so we are both looking forward to it. Early today I mentioned I had read there are ALOT of massage places offering happy endings where we are staying thinking we would both have a have a bit of a laugh about it so I was shocked when he said 'I could get a hand job and you could watch' I laughed and said yeah right thinking he was joking but he carried on by saying 'it wouldn't be cheating if you were in the room would it'. I asked if he was joking and he said no. I couldn't believe he'd even suggest it. I said OK maybe I can get a happy ending from a man whilst you're in the room (I would never) and he got very annoyed saying it's totally different and why would I even say that. This is our first holiday together. I have planned and paid for this holiday as a gift and I just cannot believe he would even suggest it. He did apologise after I told him how upset I was.

For context he slept around alot whilst we were seeing each other but not officially together whilst saying if I ever slept with someone else he would never see me again. He swears blind he has been loyal since we have been official and I believe him (maybe stupidly). Any thoughts? I feel like not going at this point but maybe that's an overreaction

I would dump him after the holiday, assuming you can still bear his company.

Outrageous. Unless you can live with his double standards long term, end it now and holiday alone or with a friend if you can arrange it short notice.

If you've paid for it all, I'd dump him and take someone else.
I left my first boyfriend for reasons such as this. I'm now with a man who doesn't see women as something he can just use.

Go on holiday without him (take a friend if you can) and get an STI check

Echo all the others apart from Twiglets1. Seriously do not buckle and let him go with you. Thailand is amazing to go by yourself, Ive been many times. Wonderful friendly people and lots of spa massage places (that don't have a happy ending!) Go pamper yourself, and while there suggest you do lots of reading about healthy relationships - spotting red flags, creating strong boundaries, building up self esteem and resilience.

It was a mistake to pay for such an extravagant gift for a complete twat but onwards and upwards.

⬆️ Yep! I would still go, but not with him!

"That he can't see you doing the same is exactly the same thing shows massive double standards that are so ingrained he doesn't even realise or care how inconsistent and unfair he is being."

Totally agree. The double standards here are breathtaking.

I wouldn't be having sex with him any more either. I would have serious concerns about the sexual health of someone whose had, and still having by all accounts, so many sexual partners. Does he practice safe sex OP? Given his attitude, I suspect not.

Dump him and either go on your own or take a friend. Oh, and get an STI check.

I travelled in Thailand on my own when I was 21 and had the best time … I was also getting over a failed relationship.
I hope you can listen to all the advice on here and leave this person who is a walking red flag and then go on your own. It’s a wonderful country.

Have a lovely holiday without this Andrew Tate-a-like.

He is repulsive.

It’s an under reaction. Tell him he’s not going, dump him, block him, and find a friend happy to pay the name transfer cost and go with them.

He is revolting. And likely not as loyal as you’d like to believe.

Dump him, hope you can repair your self-esteem over time. Hope someone else can go with you.

I would have told him he’ll not be getting any happy ending from me ever again. I would go on my own.

Yuck, that would be the end of the relationship for me. Go without him and have a fab time.

Go without him.

You paid for the holiday you should go.

If you take him - that’s up to you.

I think the sleeping round would be more of a red flag than the comments, and he’s only staying because you pay for stuff??

Think about that.

Please go on your own and have a fabulous time in a beautiful country. Don’t lose out because of this man who does not respect you, and please don’t go with him!

Change his ticket to a mate/family member/your neighbour... Anyone! And go without.

Don’t ever take a disgusting sleazebag with sexual double standards on holiday. There are always plenty there already.

I think you were a bit grim in the first place to be wanting to have a laugh about the people having to work as sex workers.
Your boyfriend is distasteful but so are you.

This ^^ eg @Chickenrun12 it's probably not a good idea to get into your next relationship with someone you meet in Thailand...

But please still go, and if possible take a friend you trust with you!

Dump and run! There are more red flags here than on a sewage infested beach.

Go to Thailand without him and have a fantastic time

Slept around whilst you were first dating but said you couldn't or he would stop seeing you

Asked for permission to have sexual interactions with other women

Was outraged at the suggestion that you would do the same.

Yeah, this guy is so controlling and honey, he doesn't love you. No man in a relationship with you for only one year should even be thinking this shit.

This is when he should be madly in love with you and no other woman would even enter his mind. It's downhill from here

Who the hell does he think he is! Either go alone or see if a friend is available at short notice. Either way, drop him like a hot potato.

For context he slept around alot whilst we were seeing each other but not officially together whilst saying if I ever slept with someone else he would never see me again.

You got what you paid for.