To cancel our first holiday together 6 days beforehand

[Chickenrun12]

Hi all, I'm trying to understand why my boyfriend would ask me this before I cancel our holiday. We have been together about a year and we are going to Thailand on Wednesday, he has never left Europe so we are both looking forward to it. Early today I mentioned I had read there are ALOT of massage places offering happy endings where we are staying thinking we would both have a have a bit of a laugh about it so I was shocked when he said 'I could get a hand job and you could watch' I laughed and said yeah right thinking he was joking but he carried on by saying 'it wouldn't be cheating if you were in the room would it'. I asked if he was joking and he said no. I couldn't believe he'd even suggest it. I said OK maybe I can get a happy ending from a man whilst you're in the room (I would never) and he got very annoyed saying it's totally different and why would I even say that. This is our first holiday together. I have planned and paid for this holiday as a gift and I just cannot believe he would even suggest it. He did apologise after I told him how upset I was.

For context he slept around alot whilst we were seeing each other but not officially together whilst saying if I ever slept with someone else he would never see me again. He swears blind he has been loyal since we have been official and I believe him (maybe stupidly). Any thoughts? I feel like not going at this point but maybe that's an overreaction

Men are all pigs. Bin him

She has binned him. And no, they aren’t all pigs.

I didn't realise the words 'anal fingering' would get this reaction - sorry. You absolutely did not get all the sordid details. I didn't go paragraphs deep like I was writing an erotic novel. I was just explaining it wasn't full intercourse but was more than a light pet as to not play up/down the situation.

Who took the photographs?

One of the women who worked in the bar but had not been involved. They were on his phone.

If you would really like some more details, it wasn't his bumhole being fingered.

Have a good day.

I normally don’t say this on threads, only think it but: you’re an idiot.

I don't think you quite get the concept of coercion, do you?

Oh HE was doing the anal fingering, not receiving. Thanks for clearing that up. Now everything makes so much more sense.

This! As if you’d help him finish. Ludicrous.

She was in a precarious position in a scary place having been coerced into engaging in this sexual activity and there were security staff threatening them. I fail to see why you think it's so unbelievable that she was coerced into joining in, especially as he refused to leave until he 'finished'.

I’m really sorry this happened to you @Chickenrun12 …but how the hell did you end up going with him in the first place after all the discussion previously on here?

Victim blaming much?

Can people fuck off telling an abused woman she’s acted wrong. Absolute arseholes on this thread. Really really nasty people.

I cannot get over the victim blaming. Please read and do some research. Are you also saying to women who’ve been abused for years “why didn’t they just leave”, “why stay with a man who beats and rapes you?”.

It’s absolutely disgusting. You are making the OP feel worse when she has already been through trauma. She has explained she is getting treatment for mental health issues as well.

If only life was as simple as these fucking twats make it out to be. I assume you’ve lived incredibly sheltered lives and good for you. But fuck off out this thread where a woman needs support.

You're breaching the talk guidelines which I have reported.

Only babies I see are those shouting troll and claiming “attacks” by people simply stating the facts from the information provided by the op. Unless someone had a gun to my head, no way on earth would I be helping to wank off my partner with a bunch of prostitutes.

I think everyone has different boundaries when it comes to talking about and sharing sexually explicit content, and reading about it too, as you’ve proven. I also think the OP maybe included those details because it highlighted the depths of his behaviour and she was making the point how uncomfortable and scared she was in that situation, as most ppl would be. I think she was looking for sympathy and agreement that his behaviour was abhorrent and she was right to think it was and get rid. I agree at times it sounded gratuitous but she’s addressed the state of her mental health, that too should have a bearing.

@Twistybranch oh I believe it happened. I just think the OP just completely ignored every single piece of advice given to her repeatedly. Including her own intuition and dread.

If you’re feeling dread, it’s completely okay to cancel a trip and “lose” money by not putting yourself in danger in a foreign country known for sexual offenses specifically by British men.

I don’t victim blame but in this instance it is really hard not to. The warning signs and red flags were absolutely screaming. Self preservation hopefully should’ve kicked in. And yes I understand about coercive control.

@TheSilkWorm I would’ve just left him there.