To cancel our first holiday together 6 days beforehand

[Chickenrun12]

Hi all, I'm trying to understand why my boyfriend would ask me this before I cancel our holiday. We have been together about a year and we are going to Thailand on Wednesday, he has never left Europe so we are both looking forward to it. Early today I mentioned I had read there are ALOT of massage places offering happy endings where we are staying thinking we would both have a have a bit of a laugh about it so I was shocked when he said 'I could get a hand job and you could watch' I laughed and said yeah right thinking he was joking but he carried on by saying 'it wouldn't be cheating if you were in the room would it'. I asked if he was joking and he said no. I couldn't believe he'd even suggest it. I said OK maybe I can get a happy ending from a man whilst you're in the room (I would never) and he got very annoyed saying it's totally different and why would I even say that. This is our first holiday together. I have planned and paid for this holiday as a gift and I just cannot believe he would even suggest it. He did apologise after I told him how upset I was.

For context he slept around alot whilst we were seeing each other but not officially together whilst saying if I ever slept with someone else he would never see me again. He swears blind he has been loyal since we have been official and I believe him (maybe stupidly). Any thoughts? I feel like not going at this point but maybe that's an overreaction

i think it sounds like a crazy story to people who have (luckily) never experienced the disgustingly seedy side of Thai nightlife. My and my husband got called into one of these bars in Bangkok (Patong would be much worse I’m sure). We were mildly curious at first and though hey let’s just have a drink for the experience. Another tourist sat next to us and he quickly had 2 girls rubbing up on him. We left right after he pulled down their top. And that was the end of our curiosity!

Anyway, I definitely give the OP the benefit of the doubt and I hope she’s in a better mental space now

Breakup.
Take a girlfriend.

Who took the photo of him “sucking” on the girl?

OP, this sounds like a terrible experience for you and yes, you did wrong by ignoring good advice but it’s always easier to be stronger when it’s someone else. It’s not always easy to stand up to someone in real life no matter how dire the situation is. You were a victim of his emotional and mental abuse and I’m glad you’re out of it. I’m sorry for the people here giving you a hard time. Ignore them and focus on moving forward x

This sounds like an awful experience. I’m so sorry he did this to you. I hope you can now move on and start to heal. Can I suggest you report your bank details post to night watch to get it hidden? Did he repay the £428?

And you paid for the holiday too as a gift to him. Oh dear. At least he warned you before you went what he wanted to do and you chose to still go with him.

I don't understand why you went on the holiday with him after him telling you what he wanted to do , after the advice you got on this thread, and after even saying yourself that you had decided not to go.

I don't want to go down the route of victim blaming but apart from the above I find it strange that you casually described what happened with the prostitutes on the thread in chat and then post your, what comes over as, quite sensalising description of what happened on here.

Btw I also don't understand about the photos: if you didn't take them was he actually taking selfies while the prostitutes were servicing him?

I don't know OP. I understand why you started the thread in the first place as it seemed you were quite shocked by what he wanted to do but I really fail to see why you posted the update about him actually acting out his stated intention, apart from enjoying people's reaction.

I live in Thailand. This stuff does happen rather frequently. It isn't uncommon and bringing the drinks + multiple girls is a common tactic because it raises the price.

If you don't pay, you get taken by police to jail until you do pay.

Anyone that goes with bar girls is scum, these girls are often from the villages and groomed by their father's and uncles and then sent to Bangkok to prostitute themselves and send the majority of the money home.

I have no idea if OP is telling the truth, but her story about what happened is far from the most outrageous I have heard.

I can believe this happened in Thailand very easily. I can see how you would have been coerced by your misogynistic arsehole of a partner into going in to a 'bar' in the red light district and participating in paid sex against your wishes. You knew he was a misogynist arsehole and you made a good decision to go alone which would have been a lovely holiday, instead you took him and had an awful time. It was predictable that you would, but I'm sorry you did and I'm glad it was the last straw that made you end it. Shame you had to waste so much money and ruin your holiday to learn that lesson and sorry you're feeling so unwell at the moment. Support from the CMHT will help and when you're ready, some domestic abuse counselling would be very helpful.

I would tell him that you need some time with a girlfriend and you’ll do it again another time. Take some time to pause and reflect. If it’s Thailand there’s heaps of Swedish and Danish men there so maybe you might find someone new that respects women and equality.

This is a few months old and OP has updated since the first post

I believe you. He sounds awful and I’m so pleased you’ve finally left him. Sounds like he’s really done a number on your mental health. I wish you all the best and hope you’ll find a man deserving of your love soon

Didn't you bring the subject up first? Sounds revolting now you are upset?

But good grief are you that desperate for attention? and no there is nothing gentle or hand hold about this

She hasn’t posted any bank details which could be used. She’s just posted a screenshot of transactions - no account number, sort code, name etc.

Anyway - she’s successfully proved to the bullies and trolls she was telling the truth about the encounter.

I guess it doesn’t make it any better though that it was the truth. If anything, the truth is worse. But I guess she knows she’s made a number of massive mistakes and putting the boot in isn’t going to help her.

@Chickenrun12 as long as you’ve come to your senses now and ditched him, that’s all that matters.

How so? I’ve literally just repeated what you claim happened. You sat there while he had an orgy, no? You helped “finish him off”, no? Where have I been a terrible person? Not my fault none of it makes sense. Any normal person would have been out of there the second he began to unzip his trousers. Actually, any normal person wouldn’t have taken him on holiday at all.

I'm usually a kind and reasonable poster, I believe, but OP find your self worth for goodness sake. Have a backbone! I feel harsh but this is the most ridiculous update I've ever read.

I am sorry this happened to you op. It's a shame that you ended up paying for him as well. What a complete loser he is. I'd send the pics to his mother.

Please say you dumped him soon after?

He sounds vile and I'm glad you are well rid of him. Hope you manage to work though what happened and feel better in yourself soon.

Why r u paying for him..
Take a friend instead

The holiday was months ago

What a horrible way to find out what type of man your ex is. Although you don’t have to go as far as Thailand for this to happen, there are bars and clubs in the uk that operate in a similar way, keep supplying drinks and you will pay for anything. People saying this happened months ago, it was only last month.

To be fair, she didn’t need to go anywhere to find out, she already knew what type of man he was as he already told her as detailed in the OP’s very first post. That’s why people were telling her not to take him on holiday.

Please can the posters attacking and abusing OP take note that she has said that she is under the care of a mental health team and has been involved in a very unhealthy and arguably coercive relationship - during which she suffered sexual assault. You do get that coercing somebody into a sexual act that they don't want to partake in is sexual assault? Because it doesn't read like that and it is gross - I'm ashamed to be on this forum sometimes. You are victim blaming and baiting.

You are also very lucky that you are so unaware that situations like this arise in too many "relationships".

As to those troll hunting, reported. This thread would have been taken down by now if it wasn't 'real'.

OP, I'd suggest stepping away from this thread. I'm so very sorry this happened to you and I hope you get some therapeutic help, take care.

I think it’s extremely clear the OP has self esteem issues. From the beginning she sounded highly intelligent and articulate - they say opposites attract. Perhaps this skid mark was physically attractive and she couldn’t believe he was interested in her, or perhaps there was an age difference where he was a lot younger to explain the disparity in standards and expectations. Something must have happened for her to change her mind after all the advice and acknowledging what a shit the man was. Unfortunately it was all confirmed during this very expensive lesson for her.

OP - it was commendable that you returned to tell ppl they were right and offer this disgusting experience as a warning to other people on this forum - to listen to advice and end things when they don’t feel right. I’m sorry you went through it. Take from this experience that it proved once and for all that this man was no good to you or anyone else and had you got more involved with him - marriage/mortgage/kids - shit really would have hit the fan and your MH would be somewhere under the floor with fewer options available to you.

It was and awful, shitty experience but it crystallised who this person was and has prevented you from a life time (or any more time at least) of utter misery and financial ruin, and spared other ppl from being hurt through you. Well done on getting rid 💐

Yes she made a bad decision within an abusive relationship. If you don't see attacks on the OP Read again.