That makes me feel sad! Is this the new "be kind"

[10milliondollars]

Is this now a thing?

I've had a couple of disagreements recently with adults who like to push the boundaries when they don't get their own way - their response has been that makes me feel sad - is it me or is it such a weird thing to say to another adult you have a difference of opinion with - both adults had no right to their demands and I said I would not do what they wanted. Most people feel sad when they don't get their own way - but they don't lay the guilt on other people.

I think these people are being manipulative - AIBU.

Exactly.
Let them be sad. 😁

I’d just pat them on the hand and say “there there” and then ignore. It’s so childish, if someone said “I’m disappointed” I could handle that but “sad” what do you do with that? Why say it unless you are trying to use emotional manipulation.

I think being able to recognise and label your own emotions is really healthy. That doesn’t mean you have to share them, in fact I think thats actually really unhealthy in a lot of ways. We teach children to be able to label their feelings to help them know what that feeling is and better cope with a situation. We don’t label emotions so we can tell other people, it transfers responsibility for managing your emotions from you to them.

😂

"Yes, I imagine it does make you feel sad to have to face your own negative traits. But I'm sure you can learn from this so that your own actions don't lead to sadness."
I am so good at being passive aggressive.

No you’re right. No one is being expected to like it. I’m commenting on people’s discomfort at emotions being names.

I guess what I’m noticing is the polarised view is coming across here. The assumption that naming feelings and expressing them is manipulative and childish and there could be a danger of assuming this in every case of someone saying how they feel.

I mean to be fair…the AIBU threads aren’t really known for being about nuance and developing shared understanding and connection. It’s about the adrenaline rushes and dopamine hits we get from feeling wronged, arguing the toss and feeling validated by the people who agree with us. I’m sure for most of us it’s some kind of emotional release and an opportunity to say things to people we wouldn’t say to our colleagues and loved ones in real life

Bloody be kind. Which means nothing except a stick to beat you over the head with these days over everything and anything! No I won’t be kind, I’ll be civil. Being kind to everyone means our daughters have no boundaries.

I mean, I think there's a time and a place.

And I do think it's a bit childish sometimes. It's helpful for children to learn to name the emotion they are feeling and communicate that to adults instead of having a tantrum.

And in adults, yeah sometimes it's useful, for example if you're trying to communicate properly with your partner.

But sometimes, in adults, naming the emotion IS the tantrum. You don't get what you want so you're expressing your displeasure, except it's, "That makes me feel sad" rather than, "I'll thcweam and thcweam til I'm thick!" If they have an actual tantrum we feel able to say, "OK, you're being unreasonable, come back when you've grown up a bit." Whereas if they do the whole, "I feel saaaad" routine you feel obliged to pander to that emotion even if they are being totally unreasonable. That's why it can be manipulative and childish IMO.

I'd rather they stop teaching this stuff to kids and let the kids have a tantrum. They usually feel much better afterwards. It's called emotional regulation. Stop trying to hijack the learning process.

Huh?! I think you’ve misunderstood the premise of teaching emotions and also overestimated ANYONE’S ability to stop a child having a tantrum. It’s not one or the other. It’s both!

I hear this from my little goddaughter...when I won't let her eat haribos at bed time...along with " your not my best friend anymore"
I expect it from her
An adult...Well they'd get an incredulous look of utter disbelief and then I'd struggle not to laugh

Why are you apologising???

Love this one

Me and my colleagues always have a moan about how frustrated we are.
That’s the best part of working in a team, is so you can vent to each other.

And if my coffee shop was out of my favourite biscuits then I’d absolutely say how gutted I was.
I wouldn’t be rude and I would say it in a jokey way but I would definitely be disappointed.

It’s normal to say how you feel, even if you don’t expect a response or there’s anything that can be done about it.

I would definitely think this is a relationship, friendship or family situation which is what OP seems to imply.

That was my thought.

I know a few like this, I usually just say " thats a shame" and move on

That's also great answer! 😂Am noting these answers down

I got the impression OP was about work stuff, but having re read it I'm not sure. Maybe it is a more family situation.

As for the saying how gutted you would be if coffee shop ran out of favourite biscuits, who would you say this to and why?
Say to your friend whose with you, sure, great, your friend can commiserate with you.

Say it to the coffee shop staff, what do you think they can do about it? It literally sounds like a complaint no matter how jokey.

Say it to some randomer in the queue with you and they equally cant solve it, probably wont care and will think you are strange, in their head will be "just choose another biscuit ffs"

I’ve been hearing this too lately! Not directly to me thankfully, but other people saying it to each other. It sounds so weird….almost infantile.

I think it might actually be the new ‘be kind’. 😳

Perfect.

My response to this would be the same one I use to my kids when they’re moaning about not getting their own way - thank you for sharing!

It's pathetic amd childish. Just say how very childish.idiots

Ignore it. They're attention seeking. 🙄

You haven't said what you have said if you stated to me that you wanted to shoot the boats that migrants go in which yes I have heard folks say that online and offline I may say yes that makes me feel angry or that makes me feel sad that anybody can be so heartless so I don't know what you said to get that response