If you dc is at a private school, do you genuinely think…

[Palmollive]

That they are happier because of it?

I don’t care about exam results or what job dd will get etc. I just want her to be as happy as possible. Would private be more likely to achieve that than state?

@morechocolateneededtoday

Tell me you have a wilful misunderstanding of class politics without telling me you have a wilful misunderstanding of class politics.

Yes because he tells me, his brother tells me and the state school he went to nearly destroyed him mentally. He could have gone to another state school and been equally happy but the alternative was not commutable to fit i with work other child and had an appalling reputation.

If you genuinely believe that spending earned income on school fees over other luxuries demonstrates any sort of superiority, you know little about class politics yourself.

FYI the children who go to prep school with mine are all working or middle class with two parents working (usually both full time). We are ethnic minority immigrants who chose the school because they guaranteed care from 7.30am to 6pm - something no state school here offers. I am yet to come across a single person who believes their child is superior just because they pay fees

Depends on the child. Depends on the school.

I went to a private secondary school. Absolutely hated it. I was a shy, bookish kind of kid.

My eldest goes to a state secondary. It's 10 times the school I went to. It's massive but the staff and extra curricular are excellent. Lots of parents moving their kids into this school from the local private school and the kids are much happier in the state one.

I liked my private school, sibling didn't. My kids like theirs but I have no idea if they would be equally happy in state. I'm paying for the full package- nicer facilities, smaller classes, more PE, art, drama & languages in primary, very reliable and flexible wrap around & holiday clubs. If they hate it they could move- hasn't happened yet!

Someone upthread described how their ‘quiet, sensitive and calm’ child would have been ‘broken’ at a state school

My “quiet, sensitive and calm” child has been broken at a supposedly very selective private school. Because these days they’ll let anyone in who can pay the fees and won’t deal with bad behaviour for fear of losing those fees if they piss off any parents. (And before anyone calls me naive, I went to a private school and my older child has gone right the way through. Things have changed….)

There are good schools that fit a child and there are bad schools that do not fit a particular child. It’s nothing to do with how a school is funded. There are no shortcuts! You need to understand education, how a school is run and you need to understand your own child’s needs. You can’t just pay up and hope for the best. You have to be as involved as possible with your child in both sectors and you need to be involved in their journey.

@CherryValley5 In what way am I projecting?! That's not what projecting means, I've never sent my child to private school and I've never had a state school horror story! 😆

Of course there are good & bad examples of both. There was a few PPs above, who were saying that they had paid private school fees IN ORDER for their child to receive "smaller class sizes, tight knit community etc etc" so I was merely pointing out that you can find that in many, many good state schools. It's not exclusive to private! That's all

@CherryValley5 Also, re: Triggered, again, I don't think you understand the meaning of that word either? How can my pointing out that plenty of state schools have what you're looking for and that you don't need to pay for that, be an indicator of my being "triggered?"

Somebody having a slightly different opinion to you is not them being "triggered" it's simply part of a perfectly reasonable discussion.

You told me that a) I must live in an ‘awful’ area and b) I’ve been reading too many state school horror stories simply because I said that I didn’t want to send my shy DD to a very large primary. How on earth does describing a school as big equate to a ‘horror story’? You are very much triggered and projecting if that’s all it takes for you to insult the area in which I live, and my own research + knowledge on our local schools.

DD went to the biggest and most diverse grammar school in NI - there’s absolutely nothing wrong with big schools, she loved it, but an environment like that certainly wouldn’t have suited her when she was very young. Funnily enough in a busy suburb state schools with classes of 14 don’t exist, hence we chose a prep school.

If you have an issue with parents deciding what’s best for their child and paying to go private then just say so. Don’t masquerade it in silly rants and false assumptions.

Not at all. My dd is at a state girls' school (Yr 10 now) and loves it. She has lovely friends and they are academically great.

I had a state education and taught in both state and indie. DC attends an indie. That says it all really.

DC has no SEN, is very well rounded and confident. They could have attended the local good state primary but I wanted them somewhere where bullying is dealt with effectively and quickly, where SATs don’t lead to a pile on the pressure in Year 6 and where they can have time off if they are ill and not pestered for attendance.

There are lots of advantages for children attending an indie but I think the happiness of the children is always priority and then the academics come second (in my experience) and this is what I value.

My friend had a mixed private and state education and taught in both sectors and has sent her child to state school

This kind of anecdote just tells us one person's experience

My experience of private is that it was far more pressured than state in all kinds of insidious and overt ways.

Same. We could afford to go private but our children are really happy in state schools so we are stashing the money away for their futures

I suspect you live near me…

@DoNOTShakeItOff

Small schools and class sizes are only as good as the friendships in it. If there are only a handful of kids you have nowhere to go or a variety of kids to spend time with if you don't like them. Especially in secondary, if you can't get away from kids that have annoyed you since 4 years old that's not that much fun. State schools are large but it can definitely have social benefits

Which is exactly right.

It's not down to state or private, it's down to finding the right school for your particular child. That school could be either state or private as you get good and bad in both sectors. For instance I would never have sent my child to a private school that pushed the children very hard or didn't allow any individuality.

We moved DC from private prep to state primary.
found that the class size was getting too small - 12 children - not much room for making new friends.
state primary has 20 per class, 3 form entry, so not as small or nurtering, but the facilities are much nicer.

Were there only 12 children in the entire year group?

I have twins - both went to state primary and were very happy. Both went to (different) state highs in year 7 and they are now in year 13. My daughter literally fell apart in year 7 - later diagnosed with Sen and we moved her to private (small classes) so she could cope at school. My son, also later diagnose with Sen, has thrived at his state school.

Do you think I wanted to pay thousands of pounds a year so I could get my daughter an education? We are renting I would have preferred to save it for a house.

All parents must know all kids are different - I think the world agrees that parents know their own kids better than anyone. So I don’t get why when it comes to the private school debate people say keep or send your kids to the local state school mine are ok so your’s will be too.

I wish my daughter had of being thriving in the state school system like her twin brother - you can’t imagine how much I wish that. And it’s not even about the money we would have saved - it’s because it would mean if my daughter had of been thriving in the state school system it would mean she doesn’t have the complex mental health issues she has now despite being in a private school.

People have this perception that private schools have amazing facilities or whatever. My daughter’s private school’s building is appalling, they use temporary classrooms on the field - it’s not much of a field so the kids walk to community gym twice a week. There are barely any clubs of which my daughter does zero as she gets sensory overload and can’t even catch bus home as too tiring for her and I pick her up.

BUT the teachers at this school are lovely and patient with her needs and it’s well loved by parents of Sen kids. We didn’t think she was even going to finish school at one point and now she technically has predicted grades good enough for Russell group universities if she wants to go - but THE most important thing is she has been coping with school and after five years of blackness I can start to see some of the happiness she has as a child in primary.

We won’t be affected much by this tax as our son’s education is free and our daughters eduction will have two terms left when it comes in - but if this tax was in when we first moved our daughter I don’t think we could have afforded to move her. So I feel painfully upset about parents with younger kids with sen needs who are now facing this burden.

And this is about the time people say so how about the kids like your child who can’t cope in school, but their parents can’t afford the move to private school. Well I feel desperately sad about these kids too - and I think we should all be paying more tax as a community to improve schools. Once my daughter finishes school this academic year our private school vat tax stops. It should continue as an overall tax increase for everyone. But in addition to this - private school parents are not the reason government schools are underfunded - we are saving tax payers money by not accessing government school places.

And tell me you know of a decent parent who sees their child struggling in the government school system and has the funds to move them to small class sizes - but chooses not to because of ideology that in theory the government should be helping them. We don’t own a £2m house like Starmer - we put our daughter’s education first because we felt we had to.

Your situation is very different from OP who is looking at primary schools. State primary schools are usually entirely adequate for a good primary education.

Secondary schooling is a completely different beast.

Op does not mention either primary or secondary in any of her posts - she is considering private over state in general.

Ok, so how about you respond to what that poster just said..she made excellent points about how some (more than anyone wants to admit to) use private at a huge stretch to save their kid's mental health and are having that seriously threatened by the VAT move, especially in the way it has been brought in mid year, with no gradations or nuance. The fact that ALL ought to have access to that kind of support is not questioned but this move will not solve that not make the slightest difference to it. What she says could absolutely be true at both primary and secondary by the way. In the end, after 9 pages, all that is obvious is that no anecdata can answer the OPs question. It's different options suit different kids and until this is recognised and the wide range of options are made universally available, we ought not to making it punitively difficult for parents to put their kids in the best provision for their needs IF that means private. It may not. But if it does, that shouldn't be a hanging offence or an invitation to vitriolic spite as is often seen on here.

It really depends on the school. My DD attends state secondary school (a girls comp) and it's excellent. She prefers it to primary school. She has some friends who went to different state schools in the area and they love their schools too.

In fact, up and down the country my.family and friends send their kids to state schools and only heard of one bad school.