If you dc is at a private school, do you genuinely think…

[Palmollive]

That they are happier because of it?

I don’t care about exam results or what job dd will get etc. I just want her to be as happy as possible. Would private be more likely to achieve that than state?

DS has just moved from state to private in Y7, so he's a few weeks in. He's definitely happier than he was in primary, although I don't know if he's happier than he would be at the state secondary school (which is an excellent school). But he chose to go to the private school instead of the state school with all his mates, and he has announced he has no regrets at all about that. They're doing swimming for PE in the school's in-house pool this term and he's loving all the activities he gets to do.

Perhaps most importantly, he has said several times that he finds all the boys are very nice. In his primary school it was a boy-heavy year group, and they were NOT all very nice. In fact, they were "that" year group that the teachers and parents all acknowledged was the "sometimes you just get a bad group" year, so DS is very relieved that none of those boys are in his form anymore, even though it was a lovely school I think all the Y6s found it tough going with the disruption by the end.

(Mind you, DS is not an entirely reliable narrator as he's also pleased there are no girls in his year and "no drama" when he is the biggest drama queen I've ever met.)

This was our experience too. Cliquey pushy parents and arrogant, spoiled kids. Both kids (girl and boy) far happier in state.

I was miserable in state school. The bad behaviour, over crowding. I thrived in my private school. My children are very happy. I’d work five jobs to keep my children out of the state sector if I had to.

Yes, in fact I'd go as far as to say he is only alive because of it.

But then he was expressing suicidal ideation at age 7 and permanently excluded from mainstream school at age 9, after which the only school that said they could meet his needs (as laid out in his EHCP) was an independent specialist school. His place there is fully funded by our LA and it's been transformative for him.

Yes but she’s only at a private school because she is autistic. Otherwise we live close to some of the country’s best state schools for primary and secondary which provide an excellent education unless you have SEND (because then they couldn’t give a shit) and the private school my DD goes to isn’t an academically focused one.

It's not really what you'd think of when you talk about "independent schools" though!

Are state schools that bad in UK? Everytime I see threads like this I have my answer prepared (from my experience of Irish state schools) and I am always quite shocked with posters really negative views on state schools. To the point that people feel they are happier in private. That is such a depressing prospect if it's accurate

What the ability to pay buys you is choice. You can look at the state school options and think about whether they'd be a good enough fit for your child that you can see her being happy there - if so, well and good, if not, you can also consider private options.

I am completely confident that my DS was happier at his lovely prep school than he would have been at the state school he'd otherwise have gone to. Much as others have said, calmer environment, more attention, lovely grounds, lots of fun extra-curriculars, teachers with time to meet his specific needs. (Also for me, wrap around care without which I'd have had trouble continuing my career.) At senior school level I think the differences were less important in his case. I don't think private is always better than state for all children, but it's great to be fortunate enough to have the option.

Yes. The children have zero respect for teachers. Irish children in my experience have a lot more respect for their elders.

All my teaching friends have either gone to work in private schools or have left the sector.

My DD started in private and moved to state and she was happy in both. Some things were better in each of the schools but overall I'd say she was happier in her state school but there wasn't a huge difference. But we have excellent state schools in our area and things wpuld have been very different if we didn't. I think a child will be happy in a school that suits them and meets their needs, and that's an individual thing that don't think you can reduce to a state vs private level.
However, there was one very noticeable benefit of state for DD and it was one that I did not foresee - the shorter school day. When she was at a private prep school her day was at least 2 hours longer, both due to longer school hours and travel. At the time I honestly didn't think it was a problem and would have said she was thriving, but within a few weeks of moving schools I noticed she had masses more energy, and was generally more relaxed. I really didn't expect that, and genuinely didn't think she was overloaded prior to her change of school, in fact I saw the longer days as a positive, so I was surprised by the very significant change. Obviously not everyone will have the same experience but it's something I'd definitely advise you to consider.

Definitely! My son goes to a private school & my daughter state school. There is a massive difference! But I also don't think my daughter would have got on very well in private school I feel it would have been too much for her, for my son the work load is fine for him & he is very happy.

Impossible to say if your kid will be happier in private or state. I was miserable in my (failing) state secondary . A cousin was miserable and bullied horrendously in his private school. My kids are happy in state. My friends kid became a school refuser at her private school (I think this may have happened at any school though).
One big, big advantage you have though is that you can afford to move them if they aren't happy. I would save your money and start in a state school. They can always move to private if not happy.

It's a much nicer learning environment and more pastoral support in private schools. However, the academic pressure and constant testing in a highly competitive environment can affect mental health. Lots of girls in particular end up with anxiety or eating disorders.

You have no way of knowing. No one can advise you as schools and children are all different. Your child will be happiest in the school that is right for them. That might be private, it might be the excellent state school down the road. Without knowing the individual schools it's impossible to say.

My 3 went to state for primary and private for secondary. They were happy at both.

My boys were happy at private secondary but equally loved state primary. They’ve got friends who left private to go state (one after 2 years, one for A levels). I doubt you can généralise about where people are happier. FWIW I had an utterly miserable time at 2 private schools.

Yes because it's possible to know if they're unhappy 😂😂
But if you've got a happy child in a state it's impossible to know if they'd be happier in a private.
That's what your post implies. It's not possible to know esp because it's not even a private Vs state argument it's a school Vs school one. Lots of privates have classes of 25+. My point is your argument is impossible. My DD might've been fine in a private that was bigger that's not where she went.

It depends on the schools available to you and the child you are sending.

My Yr9 son is happier at his private school than he would be at the available state school (I have another child there).

My Yr5 child is happier at his private school than he was at his state primary. Though his older siblings were perfectly fine at the state primary.

My youngest child will go to state until at least Yr 7, unless there's a problem that o think our local private school would help with. I've no idea whether the state option or the private option will suit best at Yr7 because he's only 4 now. I'll try to send him where I think he'll be happiest, as I have for all of my other children.

Looking at the cousins
Girl - state super selective grammar, not sure she'd be happy anywhere but it's a long commute and she is 'bottom' of the year in most subjects.
Boy - diagnosed ADHD, private. I think state would have got a grip of him earlier and been more truthful with the parents. The tiny year groups and doing most activities in school means he has little choice of friends. He's quite lonely. The whole family has become very snobby and quite racist,if you are not a wealthy international student, on the brief effort to play sport outside the school. And sport, on the face of it, does a lot of it but the standard is no where near as high as the local state so the family's delusions of First team medals were quickly crushed when they mixed with a wider group.

It is a tricky decision. Not all private schools are created equal, the vary even more than state schools.

There's a lot of truth in that

Yes. I wish that wasn’t true but for my 2 it is. Sports, music, art, small class sizes. Makes a huge difference to happiness.

My experience and current job teaching in private schools:
>class sizes of 3-15
>Quality teachers, often with doctorates, oxbridge degrees, or subject experts
>very little instances of bullying
>quiet, reserved and academic classmates who actually want to learn
>longer holidays, better mental health for both students and teachers

My previous experiences in state school:
>violent aggressive children
>children who have no place in a mainstream school being forcibly kept there by 'progressive' anti exclusion policies to the detriment of the other kids
>little support for special needs students who can't cope in mainstream classes, again the results of stupid progressive policies
>constant disruption
>high turnover of teachers
>constant staff complaints about working conditions
>Stressed, unhappy teachers

Granted some state schools are just as good as private but they're few and far between.

Yes, definitely. I also have a DC at a state school, who is also extremely happy as it is the right school for them. We are fortunate to have had the financial means to make that choice for them.

It totally depends on the child and circumstances.

My niece went to state until year 2, then moved to private until year 11. Her best friend is the child she met in key stage one at the state school. She has one other friend that she made in year 9. She really struggled socially, as the small year groups meant there were very few children to choose from. If you fell out with one set of people, you had nowhere to go. She scored average GCSEs.

She is now at a state college and much happier. She didn’t click with one group of girls who she initially befriended, but was then able to find others easily because of the amount of choice. She hated her private school for that reason.

We’re from the north - our state schools are generally very good, especially the grammars which we are somewhat famous for. Having experienced both sectors however, my DD was certainly happier in the private one. She hated the class sizes and how big her grammar school was in general - very easy for a child to get lost in the crowd and any struggles, be that educational or pastoral often go unnoticed until it is too late.

Can kids in state school be happy?of course
Can kids in state school get excellent results? Yes . Mine did!
But you can decide for your child the benefits if paying are worth it. Some have moved school because were unhappy for multiple reasons. You won't know until your child is there and yes some kids in private school have anxiety or other issues. It is not a guarantee you cannot buy happiness