If you dc is at a private school, do you genuinely think…

[Palmollive]

That they are happier because of it?

I don’t care about exam results or what job dd will get etc. I just want her to be as happy as possible. Would private be more likely to achieve that than state?

DC attended a private school Yrs Reception (which they called Foundation) until Yr 5. It was not a happy time, I did not think they were at all caring. People will tell you small classes and more this, that and the other but it was definitely not a good educational experience. The school has a new head now, so it might be better. However, they do still spend 3 afternoons a week doing sport so it’s quite conceivable they are still behind the expected maths level for Yr5 in the village school/local primary.

@Kiuyni ok then I misread below where you said I am in London?
I totally accept some state schools are crap as I went to one. Like your DD I would have too probably got higher grades in private as I liked to study. I got Bs &Cs and went off to a good uni but I knew I could have done better so I do, believe it or not, understand your reasoning. This is why I moved to an area with very good states as I can't afford private. You just sound surprised that there are some great state schools in London. There are also many outside London too. For me it just shows the shittiness of our education system. I actually cannot stand this class based education system we have - the demographic differences between state schools, then the comp vs grammar issue to the private vs state. Education shouldn't be so divisive but unfortunately it is.

I totally accept some state schools are crap as I went to one. Like your DD I would have too probably got higher grades in private as I liked to study

Then we agree.

I agree with anyone doing the best to get their child into the best school for them of course, but that doesn't always mean private. I accept there are good and bad in all types and while your child would thrive in private, another wouldn't and vice versa. @Kiuyni

I think a good private school (and some aren't!) would blow 99% of state schools out of the water.

Hopefully the VAT tax will improve state schools and magically improve behaviour

@Kiuyni if the school you chose was so good, why the need to bolster your argument by tearing down state schools? I’m in Australia and it’s the same here. Parents act like you’re sending a child into the Hunger Games, where they’ll be broken and ripped to shreds. Meanwhile the same parents quietly transfer little Polly from St Posho to St Superior because she’s being bullied and the school does nothing about it because the bully’s dad is a barrister and their mum organises the fundraisers.

I'm explaining why I chose private my for my dc - our local state was neither terrible nor brilliant. There are some crap private schools out there as well. No idea what the school system in Australia is like and I don't see why it is at all relevant to me anyway.

My parents sent me to a private school for the majority of my education. They made a lot of sacrifices to allow it to happen - we had very basic holidays, never any spare cash etc but it was a conscious 'sacrifice' that they made.

I wish they hadn't and it was probably the worst aspect of my childhood. I was desperately unhappy. Really bad bullying, very elitist attitudes which I despised, and I don't believe I achieved anything more academically than if I'd gone to a state school. For me it was a suffocating experience.

When I reached 16, I told them there were two options - I'd leave education entirely, or they could support me to go to the local sixth form college. They weren't very happy because I really think they thought paying the fees and sending me off every morning was some sort of success guarantee. They refused to deal with the issues I was facing at school and confront how desperately unhappy I was.

Anyway, I ended up going to the state sixth form college for my final two years of school and it was the most amazing experience possible. I finally made friends, finally felt accepted, and achieved great results.

Unfortunately, the impact of my private school years has had a hugely negative impact on me and I try to block it out of my memory because a lot of things happened which were very difficult to deal with.

I'm aware my experience was probably particularly unpleasant and of course it won't be like this for the majority. I guess my point is that just because your child attends a private school, it doesn't mean they'll automatically be happy, or finish the experience as a more confident or fulfilled young person.

I don't have DC, but if I did, I would definitely educate them in the state system. I'd use the money saved to support extra curricular activities that they were really passionate about, or to support learning experiences outside of the classroom.

I think it depends on the school and the child. Mine is in an international private (it’s not actually very fancy, it’s just a normal school, they don’t have mega facilities, I chose it for different reasons). It’s a small pre-prep and yeah she’s happy. I think the ethos of the school is really good, it’s strict but warm. There are kids who are probably a little spoiled etc but on the whole people are generally nice. DD is very happy here tbh, kids are generally well behaved, the teachers are engaged. It’s a nice environment. It’s not an ultra competitive place but they do pay attention to academic outliers either way, they have SEN support and they do try to prepare them for the 11+ given the kids will all most likely be sitting them in various different places/countries.

I think she would have been equally happy in a good state school tbh but I’m not sure that the academic support would have been as focused.

Many posters have contributed about their awful experiences which have happened in both sectors.

Surely, that is the clearest possible indicator that schools simply can’t be generalised as good/bad whether we are comparing private vs state, selective vs non selective, grammar vs comp, big vs small etc

There are also crap parents in both sectors - state sector usually manifests in the form of disruptive pupils with no respect for authority because they’ve been taught education isn’t valuable. Private schools have been known to treat children of more influential/wealthy parents differently. Doesn’t mean it happens in all states or all privates.

It is most disappointing that so many people have absolutely no say in the school that their child ends up in - if it’s a bad fit, they have to push through and be miserable or pay thousands for private (which most of the general population don’t have).

@Kiuyni what else did the private school
offer than just being ‘shiny’? I assume there must have been more to your choice.

In my part of Wales there are very few private schools. 2 local state schools have had complete rebuilds in the past 6 years so are very shiny. One is excelling, the other has huge problems with behaviour, poor staff retention and nowhere near as good results as the other.

My DS isn’t at either of these, he’s in a Welsh medium school which isn’t anywhere near as shiny. Due to the small size of the local private schools they don’t field rugby or cricket teams or have a choir. Their subject choices at A level are far more limited than his state school and there are far fewer trips on offer. DS wouldn’t be happy there as some of the key things that he enjoys about his current school would be missing.

DS always has been just above average (they have annual national testing from year 3 in Wales so plenty of evidence of that) but from year 9 he really came into his own and starting applying himself. He got into all top sets and could not have done any better in his GCSEs. If he’d moved schools at this time we probably would have given the new school the credit, but actually this is the age that lots of kids start to mature and flourish. You’ll never know what your dd might have achieved at the old, unshiny school!

Well, as my post clearly laid out, my dd went from being average academically to achieving A stars and As in her A levels. I'd say that's a good investment, and unless she had ended up getting 3 x A stars at the state school (unlikely, as noone did, according to their Facebook page) then it's glaringly obvious what St Shinys had to offer.

If you’d read my post my DS did the same. He had pretty average results through KS 1-3, and came out with 12 A* at GCSE. That shows that he’s always had the ability (you can’t achieve top grades if you really are average) but not applied himself until ks4. A small minority of kids in his year achieved the same grades. Kids all thrive and grow into themselves at different times, his was in time for his GCSEs.

What else did St Shinys do in your opinion?

Can you be sure it’s all down to them and not your dd knuckling down at a key stage of her education?

I'd imagine it was a combination of both- her gcses were average. The culture of the school was that it was cool to do well and work hard. Her teachers were fantastic, committed, intelligent, encouraging. I know for a fact that wasn't the case at our state school. I know for a fact that kids who did far better in GCSEs at the state did not do as well at A level. I know for a fact that she did a lot of extra curricula through the school during A levels that she wouldn't have done at the state.

She and I loved her school and I have not a single regret about sending her there.

That seems to be a big difference with private. The expectation that everyone will achieve well. It’s not considered geeky, nerdy etc. Was it a selective school? How big was it?

It’s also interesting to hear that there were more extra curricular activities at St Shiny’s. The nearest private schools to us (there’s only one in our county) are so small that the opposite would be true.

It’s really horses for courses isn’t it, depending on what’s available in your local area which varies massively.

Yes. It's a small school, he did get some bullying (but it was the kind that was kids going too far, rather than targeted, malicious bullying) which was ended as soon as I raised it. He needs a small school, where everyone knows him, and can point him in the right direction if he's lost. Where someone will help him tie his shoelaces or search for his trainers, and will have no issue asking him for help when they need something too.

Plus, it's on the way to my youngest's state primary, so the school run is easy (we live rurally)

All the local schools are massive - he would have spent his entire first year lost.

Yes, the idea of bunking off or not revising was seen as completely weird unless you had some serious health or mental health issue.

I don't think I'd pay for school if the extra curricula was limited.

I’d have murdered DT’s if they had ever bunked off school or hadn’t revised fully for any test or exam. An A grade for effort was always expected even if they didn’t achieve an A grade for ability (thinking of DD and physics!).