If you dc is at a private school, do you genuinely think…

[Palmollive]

That they are happier because of it?

I don’t care about exam results or what job dd will get etc. I just want her to be as happy as possible. Would private be more likely to achieve that than state?

This was part of the point I was trying to make. Threads like this where the majority of parents who can't afford it read, can lead to lots of anxiety. All we hear is how bad state schools are and the bullying when in fact lots of them do well. If you can afford private then great good for you, and I'm sure it great but the way people come here bashing all state schools like they are full of all the 'poor disruptive kids' is quite frankly bullying in itself. Shocking how so many look their noses down on it.

I think it depends a lot on the child and the particular private and state schools available to you. My dd was not happy at her state school. It was a lovely school and i d9nt see what they did wrong but There were too many kids for her and she hated having to fight for resources, ranging from access to toys or the teacher's attention. For her it was too loud and intimidating and some kids were unkind to her (spitting at her, screaming ih her face, etc). She's August born and tiny even for her age which didn't help. Other kids who are more confident and socially more adept can thrive at that school

I don't love her private school. It's very academic and there is a lot of pressure on the kids to perform well. They ask for a lot all the freaking time and I dread how she will find the time to keep up as she goes to higher classes. However, rhe environment is much calmer and the kids are quite well behaved. She is definitely much happier there. A lot of her classmates are kids who started in state school but weren't happy there or were bullied. I've also heard there is a lot of racism in the state secondaries in our area and I don't want to subject her to that. (We are not white).

I would start with state and see if your child is happy and settles in well. If they do there is no need for private and if they don't you can move them later. None of the kids in dd's school that joined later in primary struggled to settle in and the teachers being able to help with settling in definitely helps.

Day pupil or boarding?

My DSC are at independent schools because their mum & dad work long hours (90+ per week) plus international travelling for dad.

My DSC are currently suffering from anxiety and the school is supporting them a million times better than the state school I attended as a teenager, where we were constantly told we were not good enough and were wrong.

I left state school in an emotional mess. The teaching was brilliant but the pastoral support to make up for my own parents’ lack of availability was utterly crap. But that is not the state school’s responsibility.

Yes. Smaller classes. Specialist teachers. Very little turnover of teaching staff. Few disruptive kids. Lots of nerdy kids so nerdiness is not an issue. Loads of extra curricular opportunities.

I went to a below average state school and the difference is huge.

My son wouldn't last 5 minutes in a state school, so yes definitely happier in private. He was horrendously bullied until we moved him into an independent school. He still gets picked on from time to time, but the difference is that the present school has time and resources to deal with it. Also, being autistic, he couldn't cope with large classes. Presently there are around 12-16 kids in his classes and he's doing well.

This is not selling private school to me. Tiny classes full of kids that don't sound at all resilient or strong.

People saying their sensitive children are happier in tiny classes. I don't think it's always the case. My son is very shy and sensitive. He's just left a small primary school. It was a state school but more like a village school. Small classrooms, one class per year, everyone knew everyone else. He was so unhappy there because he found it suffocating and claustrophobic. The pool of kids he could be friends with was so limited and it was hard to find like-minded people.
He's now started at a large state secondary school, and it's like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders. He loves being anonymous, he loves being one of hundreds of kids. It seems like he's already finding his tribe. I don't think private schools suit everyone.

I have one DC at private school and yes he is happier. He has ADHD/ASD and appreciates:

• smaller classes
• less chaotic school environment (600 pupils across secondary - if he was at our catchment comprehensive it would be 2,200)
• more interactive lessons
• less disruption from other children
• wide range of extracurriculars
• good support aimed at helping him with some of the things he struggles with

Not sure why I put 600 pupils; it's 1,200 😅

The voice of reason. I guess those who are saying their kids are happier at private need to justify the spend somehow.

One son hated his time and the other loved it. It depends on the child and the school.

I have no idea whether they'd have been just as happy at state school in the end but I doubt it.

One was at state school and was unhappy there and was very happy when moved to private. They all came out of school very happy and loved their school.

But friends with state school kids also have happy kids!

:( very sad to see.

My son was SO happy at his private school. He's met some lovely people and has a great group of friends that he's in regular contact with.

He did really well academically without being overly pushed.

It was an excellent school though with good pastoral care and a lovely group of teachers. The thing with private school is that you get to choose, subject to your child's academic ability, so you choose the school that suits them best.

With state school you tend to have to just put up with the local school whether or not it suits your child.

It all depends on your individual child.

Mine is really happy at her private school because it has small class sizes etc her primary was state, 30 kids per class and really noisy. She has ADHD and ASD so would meltdown after school every day and be exhausted.

A calm, smaller, quieter school is what she needed and is thriving.

Other way round for a friend of mine, the child was v happy at state school and the dm decided to move then move the child to private school. She later confined in retrospect that she wishes she hadn’t made the move, it was a mistake and her child had been a lot happier .

I think my DCs are happier, because of the self-growth they have seen in themselves. Their school guided them so well in personal development, not just knowledge. They wouldn’t have that in our local state school.

Mine are very happy. I don’t know of happier than state as I can’t compare.

I went to state and was pretty unhappy, but it doesn’t follow that they would be. However the state options near us are particularly poor (make the news headlines level of bad) so I would guess they are probably happier than they would be if they went to these schools as both teachers and staff equally seem dissatisfied.

But...I went to a private school and hated it, but I know I never would have survived the state school the council allocated me to. My sister went to a "good" state school and killed herself. Most of my friends who went to state schools are on disability benefits for depression and anxiety caused by the violence and bullying they experienced and witness.

My sister's school included gangs, guns, knives and broken limbs, and that was the school academics and politicians sent their children to, the middle class choice.

If schools have genuinely changed since the 90s, they need to advertise and give evidence of this before those of us traumatised by the state system are prepared to risk our children's health and happiness, even lives, sending them there.

I hated my private school, but would have hated any school, as I'm not a school person!

However, I'm very glad I went, as I still have close friends I met there, there was no bullying, the classes were small (25 in a class) and the range of subjects on offer was better than most state schools at the time. Three separate sciences rather than combined, Latin, ancient Greek, a range of modern languages, a lot of art and music, brilliant literature teaching, and so on.

I think the main differences are the range of subjects (however, I have found a local state school for my DC that offers separate sciences, Latin and ancient Greek), smaller classes, and selective intake meaning students are supposedly more academic (at my school there were lots of rich students who weren't very bright, do not sure the selection means much tbh). My DC's state school has streaming from year 7 and has similarly-sized classes, so we're lucky, but many of the local state schools we visited clearly didn't have the resources or had much more focus on disruptive children and cookery lessons etc. for non-academic children (which might be great for some, but not if you're aiming for an academic career).

My main worries about state schools are knife crime (if a school has knife detectors at the gates and security guards on site, that's a major red flag) and the lack of funds and resources and stress the teachers are under.

I don't think private schools are automatically better, just they have more resources.

State school teachers are deelly dedicated and deserve a lot better conditions and respect.

My four kids ended up moving from private schools to state schools in the UK, the choose to go to state schools ( comprehensive schools) and could have switched at any time. I suggested switching for A'levels but they didn't want to.
All preferred the state schools.
The things they didn't like about their private schools were some of the teachers were very poor. There was fravourtism towards kids of alumni and the super wealthy kids, there were outdated and pompous rituals and there was a general message of elitism that is not ok.
They also had some amazing teachers and lots of great friends. They enjoyed school but still preferred to switch to the local comp when we moved. It was a nice local comp and it was a few minutes from our house which was a big draw. My kids were all academic so weren't hindered by going to the comp. I think they would have probably got an extra grade here and there if they had stayed at private school but nothing that stopped them doing what they wanted.

@Chipsintheair

But...I went to a private school and hated it, but I know I never would have survived the state school the council allocated me to. My sister went to a "good" state school and killed herself. Most of my friends who went to state schools are on disability benefits for depression and anxiety caused by the violence and bullying they experienced and witness

I am very sorry about your sister. Thats extremely sad.
I'm shocked that 'most' of your state school friends are on disability benefits due to being state schooled. That sounds completely unbelievable. I can't think of one of my kids friends or former classmates who aren't working. Where abouts do you live (roughly)

My children are happy at their private school because it suits them.
your question is too general - it s not about whether or not a child is happier because said child is in a private school.
it is whether or not the school you have chosen is the right fit.

for us, the small class sizes and the extra curriculars and specialist teaching were our priority. They are happy.
my eldest has overgrown her school now so we re looking at a different 6th form and she completely a part of the decision process - it is likely to be another private school.

visit lots of schools, talk to the parents, be there at drop off and pick up times and observe the children and the teachers interaction. And you know what, it doesnt kill a child to change school so if you ve made a mistake find another school and it s OK.

Are you asking whether money can buy happiness? No. My children are at private school. They are happy. The two things are completely unrelated. They could be miserable in a different private school, happy in a state school. This is a ridiculous question

This.

It's quite amusing the number of posters who've said their dc is 'happier' in private even though they've never been in state though. Or insist that they just know they wouldn't have been happy in state 😂