If you dc is at a private school, do you genuinely think…

[Palmollive]

That they are happier because of it?

I don’t care about exam results or what job dd will get etc. I just want her to be as happy as possible. Would private be more likely to achieve that than state?

My daughter was bullied at state and not at private so much happier.

My sons are at state and not bullied and they are also happy.

Not sure what that tells you tbh =)

My next door neighbour’s 7yr old recently moved from private to state. She was very unhappy in her private school. She is much happier now, class of 30 from class of 7.

This is a bit of a pointless question as you can never experience the alternative with the same child. You can tell if they are happy but not happier.

Too many variables…

My DC are happy at their school but I don’t believe it’s purely because I pay fees. They are happy because they are at a school which nurtures and supports them, encourages them to do the best they can while celebrating their peers. They have lots of opportunities for other activities and sport. My younger DC would coast if given the option but is pushed further because they are very capable

Is this possible in the state sector? Absolutely but not at every state school.

This school gives me the childcare I need to work and further my career which has made me a happier (and better) parent. The state equivalent didn’t provide this

Make sure it's the right school. Mine were happy until secondary. After too long, we moved them and they have never been happier. In hindsight their first school wasn't right for them despite having a good reputation and being fairly local. They absolutely love school now and I wish I'd moved them earlier. My youngest gets more of a benefit as she will have longer where she is now. They are very similar children so where they are suits them both.

The extra-curricular activities, especially the sport, and opportunities they have had throughout private school wouldn't have been available to them at state and they/we have made good friends.

My older 2 are at a prep/senior and so happy. The 14 year old is so measured, enthusiastic and un teenage like, it’s disconcerting 😂😂. The younger one, she is 9 and super happy at her state primary and exceeding so we are keeping her there and adding in to fill the gaps.

you won’t regret it, worth every penny x

No, they aren’t. Most of them are fine, many of them are absolutely fantastic. At secondary level it very much depends on the intake and the school leadership - some are indeed shit, but some state schools send more children to Oxbridge than Eton does (my old community sixth form college is ranked 8th in the country for Oxbridge offers, way above most independent schools).

You get a minority of posters on here who need smelling salts at the very idea of their little darlings mixing with oiks, who seem to think state schools are like Lord of the Flies despite never having set foot in one. Equally you get other posters here who think all private schools are like Eton, when most are obviously nothing like that.

I do think they are massively happier for it. 30 in a class for a ASD kid with sensory issues is just unpleasant and not conducive to learning at all.

I am a teacher and a parent of three DC. If you want your DC to be happy at school, I genuinely believe that the best start is for them to find a like-minded group of friends. I'm not talking intelligence or social class or any other demographic factor, just a group of children who they are comfortable and get on well with. If this happens, everything else will follow (enjoyment of school, happiness, academic success). So, to answer your question, I think private/state school choice makes no difference about happiness at school. Unless you think that your DC will have difficulty integrating with a general/diverse population, there's no reason to think they'll be happier in a private school.

I believe my son is, although he's never been in the state sector - he's only in Year 1. But he's autistic, has ADHD, and has severe anxiety. The school looks after him wonderfully and he absolutely loves it. He is in a tiny class (less than half the size of the local state primary) and I think he needs that to feel comfortable. So yes, I'd say he's a million times happier there than he would be elsewhere and I am so grateful we could send him there.

Bear in mind he's got SEN. Other kids obviously thrive in the local state primary- it's got a reputation as a really excellent school.

Really depends on the school, the child, their age.

DD was badly bullied in a prep school and we vowed never again but she wanted to go to a private 6th form and so far is having the time of her life. The two schools are chalk and cheese in terms of caring about the children's wellbeing.

The right state school could be a happy place too if it's a good one. (We don't have any good ones in catchment.)

My daughter is thriving after 3 weeks at a small private primary, she’s so so happy.

She really struggles with change, slow to make friends and we were dreading school. she struggles in big groups, noise, any shouting from adults. The state primaries round us are really great but they have 90 kids in reception and they all mix most of the day. She wouldn’t have coped very well at all.

Instead in a small nurturing environment she’s so confident and happy and even wants to do all the school clubs (I’ve never before managed to get her to go to a club like dance or gym etc as she’s always hated it)

We are incredibly glad that we made this decision for her. But her friends are also happy at the state primaries nearby, they don’t have any of the same issues as DD though. The only thing is they all seem extremely tired and don’t want to do anything after school whereas DD doesn’t seem to be but no idea why that is really! They also took longer to settle, contrary to what we thought DD settled after the first day, no tears, bursting out of school to tell us all about it.

Absolutely. Our DD attended a local state primary from Reception to halfway Y2. We live in a family-friendly, very desirable London neighbourhood. Everyone raved about this state primary - many parents we knew attended themselves. It was a truly terrible experience for our DD and us. There is so much change: kids leaving/coming, teachers on long sick leave, and no support. My DD cried going in every day. We found a small private school within walking distance of us. Small class sizes, and our DD is happy. We are so relieved. I couldn’t sleep with worry. She’s a different child now. I don’t care how much it costs us - I couldn’t see my child crying every day like that. I hate that state school so much, and I think I was a rep and on the PTA raising money for them. It was and still, easily badly run, and this is by far one of the best places/neighbourhoods in London.

My DC changed for the better. Came out of her shell, feels more confident in her own skin, trying out things she wouldn't have dared to previously and academics improved most of all.

It depends on the individual child and the individual school.

All three of our DC went to private from state at 11. Younger two DC are very happy and thriving. But we moved DS1 back into the state sector early on in Y7, because he was miserable in the private school environment, and our local state secondary actually suited him much better. Interestingly, despite the fact that he has some SEN (ADHD/ASD) the state school was a much more positive environment for him, where he had good friends, and he was very happy there.

Younger two DSes, on the other hand, absolutely love their private school and they are both doing really well. But honestly, hand on heart, I actually think they would also be very happy in our local state school. They are very lucky to be the kind of children who enjoy school, love learning and find it easy to make friends. They'd probably thrive anywhere. But they would not get the same level of co-curricular and extended academic opportunities in our local state school and that is the differentiator for us.

Mine have both just lived from private to state and I would say have basically the same happiness levels.

if you read this (and other private school threads) then private = good, and state = bad. It’s not true. There’s good and bad private schools, and good and bad state schools, and bullying goes on in all schools

Yabu to think it's either or. It depends on the school surely? Some state schools are better than some private ones

Yes I do think they’re a lot happier than they would be in the available state schools, but that’s largely because we chose schools which suited them. I don’t think they’d be happy in all private schools. I don’t think any of them would be happy in single sex for example, or in very small schools. By paying for education, you have much more choice over the type of school, and they often offer things not available in the state sector.

Focusing on happiness creates children without resilience. A better question would be, are children in independent school supported to become more resilient and able to find and create their own happiness.

No they're not. It depends where you are. There are brilliant states and bad ones. Threads like this and the comments that follow act like there are only poor disruptive kids at state schools. It's actually really disrespectful to those who cannot afford it, as if we all have a choice to pick. I have been to see quite a few open evenings this month and though the state schools vary, and admittedly they put all the best kids there to talk to parents, the point is they do produce very highly academic kids too. I met lots of kids, sixth formers who were at their state schools all the way through, now in process of applying for RG unis etc...I met so many bright, intelligent, sociable and ambitious children, and it saddens me that in these threads people only talk of bullies and disruptive children. Of course I'm sure there are 'bad' kids too, but it's a mixture of all types. 93% of kids go to state - many of them do very well, are very wise and can deal and interact with people from all walks of life.

You're going to get very biaised answers here. Of course people who are spending about £25k a year on education will say their kids are happier at private schools.
My kids are at a lovely state school and very happy. I'm sure plenty of us have happy kids at state schools.

You’re asking parents who are forking out significant sums of money whether it’s worth it and of course they all say it is!

Children are not happy at school because of small classes or nurturing teachers or lovely facilities. They are happy if they have friends who treat them well. Cohort is the one factor you cannot control for and it has the greatest influence on your child’s happiness.

A friend of mine had a DS who was bullied horrendously at his elite private school. The school’s response was ‘perhaps this is not the right environment for him’. He’d been there for 5 years!

This thread makes me feel really sad. I went to private schools and loved them. Both my sons are struggling at state primary and I would LOVE to have the option to send them to a private school but we just can't afford it. I know private doesn't equal happiness BUT small classes etc, less disruption would be so good, especially for one of my sons.

False dichotomy I think.

some state schools and some privates are brilliant, superlative places.

some states and some privates aren’t that good and some are positively awful.

find the school that suits your child.

I don’t like the lack of independent oversight for private schools though. Not so much the ones seen to by Ofsted, but the ones that aren’t … hmmm.

I went to a private prep school, followed by a state grammar school that was run very much like most private schools.

Hated every minute in both of them, but my parents refused to listen and told me to suck it up, basically.

I've never forgiven them for it.