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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want to drop work colleague home most days?

419 replies

Supermummy88 · 24/09/2024 22:10

Good evening everyone.

I just need some advice. I started my new job about a year ago and one of my colleague’s who lives in my area needs a lift back home at least 3/4 times a week. It’s not hassle for me because I have to go past her house to get to mine. However, at the end of the working day I’m in a rush to get home as I’ve got very young children who have activities after school etc. However, she always takes her time getting her stuff ready and talking to everyone before we leave. This ends up delaying me by 15/20 mins every time. I know it doesn’t seem like a long time but I have to rush home, get kids ready for their activities etc so that I can get them there on time, so for me 20 mins late makes a big difference. I do sometimes say that I need to leave bang on at a certain time, but she still delays it and is never ready on time. In a way I miss just being able to go home and not waiting for anyone. AIBU? I don’t want to ruin my working relationship with her!

OP posts:
Ohhbaby · 25/09/2024 06:01

Oh and the vaping is vvvvvv disrespectful.
I'd have an excessive coughing fit for sure.

joolsella · 25/09/2024 06:03

Can't you just have a friendly and honest chat And tell her what you have written here?

WalkingWithGoats · 25/09/2024 06:04

WallaceinAnderland · 25/09/2024 02:25

If you don't want to give lifts anymore then just say so! Why is it so hard.

Just say, as of x date I'd like to cancel our lift arrangement. If she ask why you say for personal reasons which I don't really want to go into, I'm sure you understand.

Just say, as of x date I'd like to cancel our lift arrangement. If she ask why you say for personal reasons which I don't really want to go into, I'm sure you understand

^Perfect.

This is not lift sharing, it's a personal chauffeur service.

People will only respect you if you respect yourself and that includes you respecting your precious resources.

At the moment, she is stealing your resources, which are time, money, depreciation of the value of your car, and most importantly, your head space.

The headspace given to her and the daily negative experience of being delayed due to your colleague could be filed with thinking about your family's or your own well-being and opportunities. As a young mother you should also prioritise your own alone time, which can be your commute.

Cut the colleague loose. Such a cheeky fucker.

ToriTheStoryteller · 25/09/2024 06:05

With the update about vaping, I wouldn't be trying to negotiate on specifics - timing, vaping - otherwise she could say she'll adhere to your rules and you're still stuck with her, or facing another confrontation to get rid.

I'd keep it simple with no chance of her wheedling around it: "I can't take you home anymore, I have another commitment after work now" and just say it's personal if she asks.

HomeTheatreSystem · 25/09/2024 06:14

Given she is going to be your boss shortly, it seems to me there's a bit of power play here with her vaping in your car despite your objections, and the dilatory manner in which she makes her way to your car, all of which tells you that she's probably going to be a bit of a shit manager. This gives you a chance to maybe work out how to handle her going forwards or if you think she's going to continue being difficult, to maybe look for another job.

I would advise telling her that you won't be doing lifts anymore and if she asks why, just deflect and tell her she'll need to make other arrangements. As of 5.01 pm or whenever your workday ends, you are on personal time and why you can't do lifts is absolutely none of her business. Sticking up for yourself assertively and politely (no sorries or weak smiles) will let her know that she needs to be a bit more respectful towards you.

MimiSunshine · 25/09/2024 06:15

“I can’t give you a lift anyone from today, it makes me late for my children and you vape in my car which I don’t like”

practice it and then tell her today. It will feel awkward as hell but you are not being unreasonable and just keep reminding yourself that you aren’t in the wrong and to not do so puts her above e your children.

if she asks how she’ll get home, say however she did before you gave her a lift.

do it now before she becomes your manager

minisoksmakehardwork · 25/09/2024 06:20

You definitely need to stop this before she becomes the manager. Otherwise you will be late for ever. Or changing jobs to avoid her!

"I can no longer offer lifts home due to personal commitments" is fine. Her apparent lack of transport is not your problem.

Hell, my colleague and I both drive and there are days where we fling stuff in drawers and bags just to walk out together.

LBFseBrom · 25/09/2024 06:29

Supermummy, you have to be quite insistent that she is ready to leave when you are, giving her your extremely valid reasons. You are doing your colleague a big favour after all.

MayaPinion · 25/09/2024 06:36

‘Janice, I’m leaving at 4pm on the dot. If you’re can’t get away I’ll head on and see you tomorrow.’

Fishpieandchips · 25/09/2024 06:37

Whilst she is faffing, what are you doing? If you are there she might think you don't mind as you aren't saying anything.
I'd go straight to my car and leave and repeat this every day.

Lulu1919 · 25/09/2024 06:38

Say
Jane ...I'm happy to give you a lift home but I really need to leave as soon as we finish.
Meet me by the car by x time if you want a lift if you're not there by then I'll assume you don't need a lift that day...with a smile !!!

HaveYouSeenRain · 25/09/2024 06:41

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 24/09/2024 23:33

Oh my fucking god, just read your update. She vapes in your car?! She is a selfish prick and you should just stop the lifts altogether. I would never ever let someone vape in my car. It’s tricky with the line manager thing but honestly I would hate to get lifts home from one of my direct reports! Awkward.

Edited
Show quote history

This!! So disrespectful and rude!!
time for her to sort out her own lifts or drive herself. What did she do before you joined?
you are losing time with your kids? Time to prioritise them and ask her not to vape.

ChampagneLassie · 25/09/2024 06:41

Reading your updates I think you should just end this, she sounds rude and entitled and a nightmare to work for. I’d probably start looking for a new job too. Make an excuse if you feel you need it, ie you now head straight from work to a different location, perhaps to pickup your children

autienotnaughty · 25/09/2024 06:49

At this stage I'd lie and say you can't do lifts anymore as you have to go straight to dc class in different direction. Then I'd take a slightly different route home.

Monkeysatonthewall · 25/09/2024 06:51

Very rude of her.
Like others are saying, tell her you're leaving at X o'clock and no later. And then leave.

hoglets · 25/09/2024 06:52

why on earth would you wait 15-20 mins for her. Over the course of a week, that's over an hour. I don't understand why you just don't drive off. Sarah, I am leaving now, jump in if you wanna have a ride. Done.

Onetwobuckeroo · 25/09/2024 06:55

ItsaPeppaPink · 24/09/2024 22:14

This is actually very rude on the colleagues behalf! If you say you have to leave at a time then if they are not ready then just apologise and say I can't wait, kids are waiting, I'll see you tomorrow!

This!

MintyNew · 25/09/2024 06:56

More fool you for making your life harder. This is entirely in your control. Why complain about something that you are choosing to do ???

Shinyandnew1 · 25/09/2024 06:59

I don’t mind giving you a lift, but I will be driving through the car park gates at exactly 5, so if you’re not already in the car, I will
be gone…

Allfur · 25/09/2024 07:01

Massive cf - and vaping is just steam?! Ask if she minds you farting and then drop her off at the bus stop or a bike shop

CleopatrasBeautifulNose · 25/09/2024 07:01

martinisforeveryone · 24/09/2024 22:15

Spell it out firmly and clearly. I have obligations time wise and if you’re not ready to go when I need to leave, I can’t give you a lift. Meet me at the car at x time, unfortunately I won’t be waiting in future.

This. 👌 You've let her get comfy and she isn't taking your retirement seriously. The longer it goes on the more awkward it gets.
Redraw the lines (or stop completely) as no change can only lead to stress and resentment for you and a suprise for her.
This is already spoiling your working relationship as it is (rightly, this is cf territory) pissing you right off.

HomeTheatreSystem · 25/09/2024 07:01

I bet she's not even giving you petrol money - her house might be on the way to yours so you've probably thought it's not needed but carrying an extra bod every day = increased wear and tear on your car. Seriously, she's a CF, let her sort herself out.

LlynTegid · 25/09/2024 07:02

Just end it now. If there is any comeback, ensure you are aware of HR processes for harassment which I hope will not be necessary.

Easipeelerie · 25/09/2024 07:03

oishutup · 24/09/2024 22:16

I would probably tell a little lie and say that the after school clubs are threatening to fine for late pick ups so you have to leave at that time regardless of whether she's ready or not. I am not that great at being assertive though, hence the little lie.

Do this lie if it makes it easier for you.

CleopatrasBeautifulNose · 25/09/2024 07:05

Supermummy88 · 24/09/2024 23:29

I’ve come to a stage where I miss being on my own in the car on my way home from work. I just want peace and quiet and don’t want to talk to anyone. She vapes in my car aswel, and when I told her to please open the window she said “it’s only steam, it’s not going to do anything to you’. I’m slightly cautious because she will be my new line manager in a few months.

Steam is water, vaping has other shit in it too. Stupid rude woman. She's going to be in charge is she.
Oh dear.