AIBU to not want to drop work colleague home most days?

[Supermummy88]

Good evening everyone.

I just need some advice. I started my new job about a year ago and one of my colleague’s who lives in my area needs a lift back home at least 3/4 times a week. It’s not hassle for me because I have to go past her house to get to mine. However, at the end of the working day I’m in a rush to get home as I’ve got very young children who have activities after school etc. However, she always takes her time getting her stuff ready and talking to everyone before we leave. This ends up delaying me by 15/20 mins every time. I know it doesn’t seem like a long time but I have to rush home, get kids ready for their activities etc so that I can get them there on time, so for me 20 mins late makes a big difference. I do sometimes say that I need to leave bang on at a certain time, but she still delays it and is never ready on time. In a way I miss just being able to go home and not waiting for anyone. AIBU? I don’t want to ruin my working relationship with her!

15 to 20 minutes IS a lot. Just say to her I have to leave at X time from now on. And then don't wait for her. She is taking the piss.

Mary, I’m leaving at 5,30 on the dot today, if you’re not by the door/at the car at that time, I’ll have to leave without you.

And stick to your word - leave if she’s not ready. She doesn’t respect you if she expects you to wait for her every evening, you owe her no favours, so don’t worry about upsetting her.

She's not worried about you or ruining your relationship, is she?

If you want to give her a chance say at the end of the day, in earshot of others, "Anne I've got to leave on time to pick up the kids. I'll wait in the car for two minutes then I've got to leave." If she doesn't turn up, go.

Or just "Anne I can't give you lifts anymore. I need to leave at five on the dot for my schedule to work and you don't finish until quarter past."

You're going to have to get a little uncomfortable to deal with it. But once you realise the world doesn't end with a little confrontation, you will feel so liberated.

I has this same situation. I spoke to her before lift time and told her I needed to leave at 7. When it got to this time. I said to her I need to go now. She wasn't ready so I just said l need to go, see you later. It was tough the first time, but relieved my stress getting home for the kids. She never did get any better. She was probably only ready to leave with me 50% of the time, I never waited for her again on school days.

Be precise and tell them you're on a flier tonight and if they need a lift home to be at the car by 5.05.

That way if they're not there I'd assume they didn't need a lift

I once arranged to pick up a colleague on the way to work. I made it clear she needed to be waiting outside her house, as it was a busy road and there was no easy place to park. On the second day, she was late and I didn't wait, just drove on. She wasn't happy, but that wasn't my problem. The arrangement fizzled out pretty quickly after that, which was more than fine by me.
Don't let her take you for a fool. Tell her how it's going to be from now on and mean it.

Way too much detail here!

She's already been warned, just leave without her, literally put on your jacket and leave. If she makes it to the car that's great but do not stand about on the side waiting for her to have conversations or take her time getting herself together. No excuses, no warnings - just leave

How did you get yourself in this situation in the first place?

Some good suggestions here. I agree this needs to be knocked on the head!

Hope the OP can update!

I'm a non driver. I wouldn't dream of making someone doing me a favour to wait that long
Just tell her- and go

Exactly that, I am taken aback you didn’t do it from the get go. I wonder to myself am I a bitch because I literally wouldn’t wait 5 minutes without a reason.

Who's rude on the colleague's behalf? The OP?

I think it's very rude of the colleague, but I don't see anyone else being rude in this scenario.

Yeah you need to draw a line under that behavior- she doesn't get to call any shots on this!

Tell her you need to leave bang on 5 for your children and if she wants a lift to meet you by your car at that time- you can't wait. She may not have thought about your schedule at all.

God she is selfish, you don't need the stress, just tell her you are leaving and go. If she isn't ready then tough shit for her

Tell her you have to leave at x time and leave the building exactly then. Say you can’t wait

I would say to her that giving her a lift home is no problem and your happy to do it however you need to leave at bang on x time for your kids, say she's been making you late and going forward if she's not ready your going to just have to go. I would try and say it in the nicest way possible whilst been very clear. If she's late again then just leave.

Why is it no problem though? If it's every day it needs to be a car share thing.

How does she get home on other days? How did she manage before you joined?

You're are doing her a favour. If she's not ready you go without her

Oh gosh no way -that space in between leaving work and arriving home to deal with kids and home stuff is sooo precious. I would just need that time to myself to breathe. I would be trying to get out of it even if she was ready on time tbh. Once in a while is ok but no way everyday.
Just tell her you have other things to do on your way home. Sounds mean but you have to think about yourself. She clearly hasn't been with her dragging her feet on the way out of work!

Thank you for all the advice. I’m that type of person who finds it hard to say no (which I’ve come to realise is not a good thing). I’ve never been in this situation where a colleague constantly needs a lift. For example today, she took an extra 20 minutes because she was too busy talking to everyone. I’ve come to a stage where I’m getting home 30 mins later than I should and I’ve started to get really frustrated. As a mum with young children every minute in the evening matters! I will defo have to sort it out this week because I don’t think she will change. She needs to have at least 3 conversations with people on our way out of the building.

You just explain this isn’t working for you. The only way you can give a lift is to be on time to leave when you do. And you leave on time irrespective of whether colleague is ready or not.

They don’t care about your schedule so you don’t need to worry about their selfish and self centred attitude. It doesn’t work for you.

Nope no way.

”I’m leaving now if you want a lift”

2 mins pass, I’m gone.

She needs a service you are not obliged to offer. Take the control she has given you and tell her to pack up and say her goodbyes 25 mins before you're ready. Make HER wait for YOU. She's having a Steffi Graf 😂