AIBU to not want to drop work colleague home most days?

[Supermummy88]

Good evening everyone.

I just need some advice. I started my new job about a year ago and one of my colleague’s who lives in my area needs a lift back home at least 3/4 times a week. It’s not hassle for me because I have to go past her house to get to mine. However, at the end of the working day I’m in a rush to get home as I’ve got very young children who have activities after school etc. However, she always takes her time getting her stuff ready and talking to everyone before we leave. This ends up delaying me by 15/20 mins every time. I know it doesn’t seem like a long time but I have to rush home, get kids ready for their activities etc so that I can get them there on time, so for me 20 mins late makes a big difference. I do sometimes say that I need to leave bang on at a certain time, but she still delays it and is never ready on time. In a way I miss just being able to go home and not waiting for anyone. AIBU? I don’t want to ruin my working relationship with her!

I just wouldn't bother with telling her you need to leave at X time just in case she gets her act together and stops the chatting on the way out! Give her the heads up by Friday that from Monday you have other commitments and not going that way anymore. Don't tell too many details in case she tries to catch you out. You don't need to justify what you do after hours anyway! Be cautious if she is going to be your manager. She sounds toxic.

You need to leave bang on the time you say you are going to leave.
No ifs, ands or buts.
She's at the car or she's finding another way home.

I'd say something like: Sue, when I tell you what time I'm leaving I do need to leave bang on time. I like you so I've waited recently and its caused me to be late getting X to their activity. So I need to be clear, when I tell you what time I'm leaving you're more than welcome to jump in for a lift. Just meet me at the car. If you aren't there on time though I will have to leave anyway because I can't keep letting my children down.

Then mean it. 3pm at the car. At 3.02pm (which is generous) drive off with or without her.

You should never have got roped into this situation. One or twice fine, but anymore she should offer fuel payments or (If she drove) offer lifts in return. "A good deed never goes unpunished" Your stuck now, she's also taking the biscuit in a major way by waffling on and loitering around, obvious she's one of them entitled ones..drop her like a bad habit.

I voted YABU purely because you keep doing it! You have told her you need to get straight home, she dismisses your feelings (either intentionally or unintentionally) and continues to make you late when you are doing her a favour. Stop taking her.

Noooo don't do this, you already have children you don't need to be chasing someone like this. Just tell her no can do no more

I would run out the door, start the car , move as close to the door as possible and beep so she knows you're in a hurry. If she doesn't come out in 1 minute drive off and tell her you had an emergency. She'll know then that you aren't a pushover.

Continuing to give her a lift as people are suggesting still marks OP out as a pushover.

It's not just that this woman is late every day, it's that she has imposed herself on the OP and insists on fucking vaping to boot.

OP just needs to say no. It's really easy to do. The cheeky fucker can get the bus.

Could you not tell a white lie some days and say you can't offer a lift as your going to a friend's etc, the other days say I need to leave at x and I will have to leave without you.

Just tell her that she needs to be ready to leave, as soon as you are leaving and that if she's not ready you will have to go without her, because she keeps making you late getting home for the kids!

Tell her .... I need to leave at x, if you are not ready at that I'm afraid I will have to leave without you.

You must follow through and leave on time

Just tell her that if she's not ready to go then you're going to leave without her.

Don't accept money because that makes it as if you work for her. She will feel she is paying you and can be even later.

Who told you she is going to be your line manager? A proper announcement with a set date? Check with your current line manager.

Just say in front of people very casually- bad news - I can't give lifts anymore. I can do today but that's it.
If she asks why just say too many time commitments and new arrangements.

If she presses you for why or points out you are putting her out, you just look surprised and say i have enough to worry about after work, and I can't be adding giving lifts anymore. . I'm sure someone else will help you!

100% don’t accept money from her as it legitimises the time she will take.

I used to do exactly this. I would say to my colleague, the car leaves at 6.00 on the nose. Happy to drive you home if you're in it!

Glad you are putting a stop to it.

I vape but I don’t vape in my own car if there is someone else in it. That is entitled CF behaviour from her.

Oh my word, you don’t need an excuse!

Just state you have to leave on time if she wants a lift and there’s to be no vaping in your car because it isn’t “just steam”.

Those are your conditions if she wants a lift - she won’t adhere to them as she’s a massive CF. You’ll get your peace and quiet back. She can get the bus (and miss it as she’s chatting, and not vape because it’s not permitted on public transport!)

Presumably if you’re leaving when other people are still there, you’re on reduced hours or flexitime, and you’ve picked that finishing time to accommodate your family commitments.

Her dicking around is effectively having you at work over your finishing time for free.

Value yourself and your time more. I’d also look to change departments or get a new job if she’s going to be your manager, she doesn’t sound like she is a believer in a good work/life balance

Oh my.... she doesn't have any consideration at all.... Have a word ... and you don't have to give any excuses.... just tell her i am leaving at "x" time please be ready to go.... and nothing wrong if you simply just dont want to deal with her while going home.... you don't have to give her any excuses AT ALL.... Take care! Ah this situation will give you bad energy .... and you dont need to take this kind of energy back home (family)

@Supermummy88 Have you spoken to get yet, or enforced your new boundaries?

"Busymum" was the best advice for me.....Just tell her you are going on a different way from Monday.... ;) Have a good Weekend

I got as far as this post and thought this is worth repeating - I'd use the fact that she is due to be your line manager in a very short space of time and a lot of business is perception. You wouldn't want to give the impression that some favouritism is happening here so as she is due to become your Line Manager, the lifts have to stop. It's not part of your job description to offer lifts to other colleagues and I'm guessing she hasn't contributed to petrol or anything else related to the wear and tear that your car is going through, right?

Earlier in the thread I would have said "I have to leave at 4.30 on the dot so if you're by the car at that stage you can get in. However, I won't be hanging around so I'll see you tomorrow or whenever if you're not there." Then leave at 4:30 as she was advised. Even if you see her in your rear view mirror running towards your car as you exit the car park (even funnier if she is doing this).

Now, I'd just put a complete, total and utter end to the lifts.
She has no knowledge of what second hand vape clouds can do to a person. No one does as they are a modern development to try to dissuade people from taking up smoking. There can be such a cloud from a vape that I'd be surprised if you could see through it if the windows of your car aren't wound down! Nope, not happening.

It doesn't matter if it's a vape that may be harmful, or the smell of a burger or cheesy wotsits, it's the OP's confined space and if she doesn't like it and says no, that should be respected by something being given a lift.

100% agreed @martinisforeveryone - I was just picking up on the comment that the OP repeated from her, saying that it wasn't harmful - no one yet knows what the damage from Vapes will be to the person.

Let us know how you get on@Supermummy88

@LookItsMeAgain I'm just getting wound up by the idea of doing someone a good turn, repeatedly, and them thinking they can be disrespectful and top that by over ruling your preferences. Anyone with a semblance of thought or manners would be on time and not try to dictate terms, that's just very basic isn't it.