AIBU to not want to drop work colleague home most days?

[Supermummy88]

Good evening everyone.

I just need some advice. I started my new job about a year ago and one of my colleague’s who lives in my area needs a lift back home at least 3/4 times a week. It’s not hassle for me because I have to go past her house to get to mine. However, at the end of the working day I’m in a rush to get home as I’ve got very young children who have activities after school etc. However, she always takes her time getting her stuff ready and talking to everyone before we leave. This ends up delaying me by 15/20 mins every time. I know it doesn’t seem like a long time but I have to rush home, get kids ready for their activities etc so that I can get them there on time, so for me 20 mins late makes a big difference. I do sometimes say that I need to leave bang on at a certain time, but she still delays it and is never ready on time. In a way I miss just being able to go home and not waiting for anyone. AIBU? I don’t want to ruin my working relationship with her!

Agree that you just say, "I need to leave on time in order to do x" and then just leave her to it if she isn't ready.

If she needs to have a conversation with at least 3 people on the way to the exit, she can do that on her time, so to speak. You've been very generous in accommodating her so far but you are under no obligation to carry on doing it if it doesn't work for you and your family.

She has to make the simple choice as to whether she wants to have a chat or have a lift (assuming you're still happy to give her a lift if she is on time).

Seriously deal with this head on and you will feel a sense of relief. Be prepared though, she sounds like a gossipy type talking to everyone so she might throw in how you are not prepared to take her even though you pass her home and make you out to be the bad guy. I'm sure others in your work place have noticed how you have to wait for her.

Actually no. I’d say to her that you can’t run her home anymore as it’s adding too much time onto your day.

shes cheeky as

You definitely need to man up. Why should you and your children suffer because of her. Be firm. Say it’s not working out for you as you are constantly late picking them up. Exaggerate. Suggest she finds an alternative. This will either make her buck her ideas up or find some other mug.

This is what I’d do too. Say “if you still want a lift tonight, I’ll meet you there at 5pm”, that way if they’re not there, you assume they don’t need a lift.

Dont get drawn into trying to usher them out the door as they chit-chat - just head straight to the car.

I think they’ll probably need to be left stranded at least once before they realise they need to change their ways. I wouldn’t worry about them getting annoyed - as long as you can justifiably reply breezily “But I said to meet me at the car at 5pm”

Just keep walking when she does. She either runs to catch up after a ten second chat or she will miss the lift.
If needed say ‘sorry I’m in a rush’ to the person she is about to start talking to so they know you’re not meaning to be rude.

Don’t allow anybody to make you late or keep you waiting to get to your children like this.
She is taking advantage.

You are more than within your rights to tell her ….
I really need you to understand something. I’m in a hurry after work as my children are waiting for me. If you are by the car when I leave then sure, I’m happy to drop you off at home but I can’t be hanging around waiting for you any more. If you aren’t at the car, then I will assume you don’t want a lift and I will hurry on home without you.

Personally I’d just tell her that you have commitments after work and that you can’t keep waiting for her so if she wants a lift then she need to be at your car by x time or your going without her and stick to it. At the end of the day you’re doing her a favour- I bet she ain’t giving you any money towards the journey. I bet after she’s been left a few times she will stop taking the piss x

Why are you putting her above your children and precious family time - surely you can’t be this much of a wet blanket?

Gosh you're a lot nicer than me, I would not drop a colleague back that regularly even if they lived near door, are they contributing to fuel or electric charging?? They should have their own transport. Your colleague is taking the pee.

Look at your children and think what is more important, you not being late for them and spending as much time as possible with them or you not being embarrassed at putting in an appropriate boundary. Your children will grow up so quickly you don't want to be having a conversation with them in fifteen years and them tell you how sad they were when they were the last one to be picked up and you were always in a rush and you know it was just because Chancer Carol wanted one more natter with someone on the way out. If you can't put the boundary in for yourself do it for your children. Leave on time, get there five minutes early so you can be ready with a smile to hear about their day.

You’re going to have to be blunt and tell her she’s making you late. You can give a lift but only if she’s at the car at xx time otherwise you will be leaving without her.

You show her you mean it. Just keep walking ahead and say you need to leave.

text or email her something like this .. I’ll be in the car 5pm, will be leaving promptly if you want a lift? Can’t hang around, got to get the kids to clubs. Then leave regardless at 5pm. Be routine and start driving away at 5pm every day

You're a people pleaser and putting this random colleague over your kids OP. Find some courage for the sake of them.

Tell her your car leaves at X o'clock and you can't wait. If necessary make up a time by which you absolutely have to collect your children.

Yanbu
It would be reasonable to say to her
"Julie I can give you a lift home but it always takes you 20 minutes to leave and my car is going to be driving out of the car park at 17:30 exactly, with or without you in it, so please can you start your leaving process at 17:05 and meet me by my car at 17:28 otherwise I cannot give you a lift home"

It’s really as simple as saying “I’ve got to leave bang on the dot of 5pm Sheila as I need to get back for the kids’ activities. Happy to give you a lift but I’m going to have to leave immediately so if you need a bit longer then you’ll need to ask someone else for a lift”.
Then follow through and leave when you need to, with or without her. If she says “oh just 5 more minutes” or something just say “sorry, I have to leave right now or I won’t be home in time” and then GO.

Thank you for all the advice. I’m that type of person who finds it hard to say no (which I’ve come to realise is not a good thing).

@Supermummy88 I understand how that feels. Trust me, it gets easier the more you practice it. Practice saying no to people you trust who will respect your boundaries and build on that.

However, as hard as it is, this situation does need immediate attention and you are going to have to bite the bullet and say no to this colleague.

Say it in a nice way: Sorry I can’t give you a lift. Offer no excuse or reason or justification. If she asks why not? Don’t elaborate, just repeat ‘I’m sorry, I wish I could help you, but a I can’t.’ Then redirect her with: ‘Ask around, I’m sure somebody would be able to help you.’ Smile kindly and then say goodbye or good luck then walk away.

She's massively taking advantage of your kindness which is really rude.

If someone was giving me a lift I'd be there ready before them, paying them in money, vouchers or gifts and showing my appreciation.
This woman does not appreciate the lift or your kindness.

It sounds like it's become a game to her (believe me I had a boss who did similar. Work finished at 5pm and we started winding down at 4.40, tidying up etc and she would do EVERYTHING to slow us down- make a hot drink as we began tidying/ make the long phone call/ get out a drawer of files to rearrange/ lose her glasses, keys, phone honestly it was beyond a joke).

You need to say directly, I will be leaving the building at xyz and driving straight back, if you want to join me you're welcome to but if you aren't there by xyz I will have to leave without you.
You can say that kindly but I'd suggest you say in front of others so she doesn't make a big song and dance to others about how you just left her etc.

If she's not ready then you MUST leave her and travel back otherwise you are undermining yourself and showing her your words mean nothing.

To help you with this, see it as she is becoming more important than you and your kids and you need to pull it back and put your kids needs first.

Good luck.

She wouldn’t do it if she had a train to catch would she?

As others have said, I’d just state my departure time and stick to it.

Yep - just tell her ‘happy to give you a lift but you need to be ready at 6.05. That’s when I’m going.’ And then go if she doesn’t have the good manners to be timely when somebody else is being inconvenienced by hanging around waiting to taxi her about!

Just leave she's happy to make you wait around. You can't wait around so just go when you need to. Sometimes you need to be abrupt.

Just go!

"Jane, my eldest has just started a new club so I need to leave 5 on the dot. I will meet you by the car, and will leave by five past at the latest, if you are not there then I am sorry but I will be going without you". She will be late, so you leave.

You will only need to do this once. I promise.

Either she will always be on time in future or she will slag you off and try to find some other sucker to do it. No one will think badly of you.