AIBU to not want to drop work colleague home most days?

[Supermummy88]

Good evening everyone.

I just need some advice. I started my new job about a year ago and one of my colleague’s who lives in my area needs a lift back home at least 3/4 times a week. It’s not hassle for me because I have to go past her house to get to mine. However, at the end of the working day I’m in a rush to get home as I’ve got very young children who have activities after school etc. However, she always takes her time getting her stuff ready and talking to everyone before we leave. This ends up delaying me by 15/20 mins every time. I know it doesn’t seem like a long time but I have to rush home, get kids ready for their activities etc so that I can get them there on time, so for me 20 mins late makes a big difference. I do sometimes say that I need to leave bang on at a certain time, but she still delays it and is never ready on time. In a way I miss just being able to go home and not waiting for anyone. AIBU? I don’t want to ruin my working relationship with her!

Oh! If she's going to be your line manager you really need to invent an excuse. A pp mentioned a goat herding hobby!

Can think of nothing worse than needing to spend 20 minutes chatting/listening to your line manager AFTER work!

I am literally setting off X. If you are not in the car at that time, I’m sorry but I will set off without you. It’s not personal, but I need to care for my children.
If you’ve warned her, she would be unreasonable to be upset about it.

‘Doris! I’m leaving now, let’s go!’ Then walk out the door…tough luck if she wants to chat 🤷🏼‍♀️

Don’t make an excuse. Just say you need to be in the car by x time, which doesn’t seem to work for her, so unfortunately the arrangement will have to come to end end this week.

Don’t be walking out the office with her - she thinks she’s already caught her lift if you’re with her. She’s either in the car at the right time or she’s not. The walk out of the office appears to be a grey area for her

Those few minutes absolutely make a difference when you have places to be after work. I’d just start going immediately- rush to your car and go. Tell her it’s now or never and you can’t wait. You’re the driver it’s on your terms.

I had a not so close friend try and backseat drive while I was driving a long way and she had taken a lift. She pointed out the speed limits (I was apparently going too slow), told me where to stop when my daughter was sick, while shouting at my daughter for being sick, and then trying to tell me which direction I should drive. I ignored her and just kept driving the way I wanted to. I’m not an Uber driver or taxi. She didn’t even offer to contribute to the £160 worth of fuel I paid for for the journey. I didn’t see her again after that trip.

Hell no. Nobody would smoke or vape in my car. Full stop. Never mind opening the window. You have been too kind and she is taking you for a mug on so many different levels.

Breeze past her and say “I’m leaving now if you want that lift”. Do not stop, go straight to your car and drive away. She will soon cop on.

Tell her no more vaping. You don’t need to give her a reason. Your car must stink though! Your poor kids and your clothes will absolutely pong.

just say “I have to leave straight away, if you’re at my car when I leave I can take you, if not sorry I’m off”.
just be blunt or say you can’t anymore it’s too much stress trying to get home in time waiting for you”.
ive learnt the hard way that you have to be blunt with some people.

This. One time of doing this and leaving her stranded will ensure she's more grateful and punctual in the future.

I can't keep being late home, as it's causing me problems with my other personal commitments.

From now on I will be heading straight down to the car park at 5pm sharp. I'll be setting off at 5.05pm so if you aren't in the car, you'll need to make your own way home as I can't wait for you.

If she gets her vape out - please don't vape in my car. I don't like the smell. If you need to vape whilst you're travelling then you'll need to find someone else to take you home.

Regardless of whether she's your manager or not. Boundaries. And if she starts acting up at work then you go to HR.

Tell her no more vaping. You don’t need to give her a reason. Your car must stink though! Your poor kids and your clothes will absolutely pong.

I agree she shouldn't be vaping in her car but this is absolute hyperbole

Just say you are going to a friend's straight from work. Or that you need to go somewhere else in the other direction.

How about telling her that if she’s going to be your line manager it would not be appropriate for you to give her a lift all the time otherwise other workers may feel there is a sort of friendship between you and could cause friction in future if they feel she is treating you/them differently.

Ok OP I can tell you hate confrontation.

How about you just say "look I probably should have mentioned this sooner but really I have child obligations at home at x time, and it feels like we are massively delayed every time as people want to talk to you as we leave. Can I just ask that we leave the build at x otherwise I have to leave without you."

I mean she might not know you are stressed about it.

My actual view is that she's a cheeky cow and you should have said no to start with.

Just say to her 'He x, I need to leave work by x time, if you're not in the car by then I'm afraid I'll have to leave' and do exactly that.

I used to give my friend a lift and she was always late, so I said the above and did just leave without her. She wasn't late again

Just tell her you're happy to give her a lift, which is a great favour, but you have commitments so need to leave on time. Anyone with half a brain cell should realise how lucky they are and do it. X

Keep walking and tell her you can't wait.

Go without her once and she'll learn

Does she offer to pay?

And every time she vapes ask her to stop, not open a window

But if she's going to be your manager she's going to be a nightmare

Explain that you have to leave on time. I had this and said colleague understood that if he wasn't by my car by X time, I went without him.

This.
She's been such an inconsiderate PITA passenger, she'll probably be a PITA line manager as well so you really don't want to end up having to share a car with her every day. Forget the whole five minute warning, stressing about her delaying you, having to ask her not to vape scenario - just stop giving her lifts.

Tell her your post-work commitments have changed and you won't be able to give lifts any more. That's all you have to do. No excuses, no door open to changing it in the future, no discussion of lateness or vapeness, just shut it down now and reclaim the peace of mind she has stolen from you.

Also - who are these people who can't get themselves home on a regular basis? An emergency is one thing, but it's just wild how some people have such a sense of entitlement for other people's time/space.

I definitely wouldn’t be waiting for her. Just Pack up and go. You could say you’ll give her a lift if she’s at the car when you leave or something similar and if she’s not there - go home!

Nobody vapes in my car!

This would drive me crazy. I hate being late out of the door for anything and especially leaving work - I like my job but once the clock finishes so do I. I'd say 'meet you in this place at leaving time' and if she's not there just go. Say you assumed she found alternative transport.

« I can’t drop you anymore as the hour of activities have moved half an hour earlier. I am going to have to fly right the door ».