AIBU to not want to drop work colleague home most days?

[Supermummy88]

Good evening everyone.

I just need some advice. I started my new job about a year ago and one of my colleague’s who lives in my area needs a lift back home at least 3/4 times a week. It’s not hassle for me because I have to go past her house to get to mine. However, at the end of the working day I’m in a rush to get home as I’ve got very young children who have activities after school etc. However, she always takes her time getting her stuff ready and talking to everyone before we leave. This ends up delaying me by 15/20 mins every time. I know it doesn’t seem like a long time but I have to rush home, get kids ready for their activities etc so that I can get them there on time, so for me 20 mins late makes a big difference. I do sometimes say that I need to leave bang on at a certain time, but she still delays it and is never ready on time. In a way I miss just being able to go home and not waiting for anyone. AIBU? I don’t want to ruin my working relationship with her!

Agree that you need to either leave her there or get the courage to tell her that the arrangement doesn't work for you anymore.

'Sorry, that doesn't work for me' - rinse and repeat, no need for further explanation.

She's relying on you heavily AND taking the absolute piss. It may feel uncomfortable to put your foot down but it will also feel good to stand up for yourself. You can guarantee the cheeky cow wouldn't put herself out for you so don't do it for her.

You need to stop doing this. However, I can understand why you feel the need to be careful how you phrase it, given she is going to be your line manager soon. Make up something with the kids if you must, new clubs, etc - and don’t get duped into doing this shit again, she’s a CF.

You tell her you are no longer able to take her home. If she asks why, you say it’s for personal reasons.

End of conversation.

I sympathise as I used to take a colleague to & from work & it was so draining. She is lovely & we get on but it just became such a chore & also expected. I too drove past her house but had to go off the main road so it added on an extra 5mins each way. I just had to tell her I couldn't do it anymore as it was causing me to be late for the kids. It's been fine since, we are still friendly & there were no hard feelings! I'll sometimes drop her home if she's really stuck & I don't need to rush home but she would never ask.

Don't mess around making excuses.

"Hi X, from next week I can't give you a lift home".

That's it. Don't make excuses, don't frame it as a question, just tell her and stick to it.

Agree on the no excuses and the posts saying that she’ll be on time if you say you’re leaving at 5pm sharp (I’d not thought of that). Say that you can’t drive her any more. Just to let you know this. You’ll have to find other ways to get back now. Don’t say sorry. Any hassle report to higher management.

I'd go past her and say "I have to leave now, you can come with me or do what suits you, no problem" as you walk past. Don't stop when you talk to her. Appear to be in a rush.

Vaping in your car. She asked you said no and she did it anyway!! This doesn’t bode well for her being a line manager. Tell her before she gets in the car that you don’t want it. Nobody knows the long term effects from all the chemicals in vapes.

tell her no more vaping. You don’t like it and she can find alternative transport. You aren’t in the military where she can order you to drive her home. If she ignores you then next day just say I asked you not to vape and so please find alternative transport arrangements

email her saying you are leaving at 4pm and just go. I would also speak to your line manager about how this arrangement is affecting your well being and time management.

don’t accept it anymore.

Given she’s going to be your line manager soon, I suggest the direct approach. Set your boundaries without lies or obfuscation or else she’ll be endlessly taking the piss once she’s your boss.

Completely agree. It’s obvious OP doesn’t want to give her a lift at all so why are people commenting about letting future line manager in the car as long as she’s on time. OP needs to be direct and say it’s not working for her anymore, sorry. And that be that.

Good luck OP with it all. I also agree with you, better to make the break now and get it over and done with before she becomes your line manager.

She really does sound extraordinarily selfish, rude and without boundaries. The lateness in leaving plus the vaping in your car really is something else and everybody on this thread agrees with you.

I would be worried about her boundaries going forward with her being your line manager as she isn't demonstrating good attributes here at all.

She's just plain rude. And it is beyond measure to continue to vape in somebody's car when asked not to. Many, many people would have pulled the car over and told their passenger to get out and I say this as somebody who vapes herself.

It is always a bad idea to get into these situations because unfortunately, you are the person always put on so I would never do it.

I would say if you aren't on time at so and so, I will be leaving with or without you.

If you keep holding me up, I will rescind the offer of the lifts.

Draw strong boundaries, say it politely and stick to them. Grow a spine!

Beside the point but what would she do without you and your colleague taxiing her?

I bet she doesn’t contribute to petrol either

she clearly needs to learn and drive and get a car. Or take the bus.

she is majorly taking advantage of you and you need to nip it in the bud NOW

Actually, on reflection I wouldn't mention your kids, or life outside work - just say 'due to various post-work commitments'. For these kind of CFs, the less they know about you the better - keep it cool and professional and don't get entangled with her in any way other than to do with work and during working hours.

It's your time, the car is your space and you have the right to do whatever you like once work is over and not be inconvenienced by a colleague.

What's your hourly rate?

If she wastes 30 minutes of your time each day she's wasting the equivalent of half your hourly rate every time.

Does that make it easier to say no? If you put a value on YOUR time?

Never mind all of the other rubbish.

I use my "hourly rate" in a lot of calculations as to whether something is worth it or not.

She sounds like a rude, entitled, ungrateful arsehole. The vaping thing! I would have said no to that for starters, she doesn’t get to decide! Oh I’m so angry for you. Please just say “my circumstances have changed and I can’t give a lift any more”. It’s not fair on you.

You don't need an excuse. Just tell her once, 'You must be ready to leave at x o'clock when I go, or I'll have to go without you', then next working day walk past her and say, 'I'm going now – coming?' and if she doesn't just leave.
If she moans, say mildly, 'I did let you know what time I needed to go' and carry on with what you're doing.
She's taking the piss but more to the point you're letting her do so.

It’s not your problem how they get home. I’m assuming they could get a bus like anyone else would?
With autumn kicking in and winter approaching I’m guessing it will be a daily thing. If you really don’t mind say you’ll not wait 15/20 min - if they aren’t ready you’re leaving.

I think it best to just never offer her a lift - she has demonstrated that she inconveniences the OP, and it's within the OP's gift to offer or not.
There have been so many of these threads and I'd say just don't get into any regular lift-sharing scenario with colleagues!

Tell them, if they aren't at your car by a certain time you have to leave. I had the same with a colleague, they would go to the toilet for 15 mins at the end of the day. In the end I told them that I finish at 5, and I'm leaving at 5, not 5.15 or 5.20. Didn't happen after that.

Tell her once in the morning that you were late getting your child to an activity which made your child upset.
Then at home time just go out the door and say you are going and if she needs a lift you had better run.

I would say that every minute after work that I get to spend with my kids is very important to me, therefore I won’t be able to give you a lift anymore. If you’re able to meet me as soon as work finishes at the car, I don’t mind as I pass your house on the way but I can no longer hang around after work anymore.

Blimey. She is one cheeky cow
you are doing her a great favour
just roar as your going I am off now
if you want a lift better come now or I will just drive off😳

Just don't do it.

It feels amazing to say NO to entitled arseholes. They value their time and convenience over anyone else's. But they can only do this with your consent. Do not consent. Say

NO.

It literally is so freeing to get rid of all the checker fucker arrangements. There are many out there.

It sounds like you want your space back and don’t want her in the car anyway whether she’s on time or not.

So, just give her a week’s notice and say you’ll no longer be able to drop her home after work. If she pushes for a reason, just say something vague like “our family schedule has changed”. If she complains that you’ll be going past her house anyway, say “No, Liz, I very well might not. That’s what I’m saying - our schedule has changed and I’ll no longer be able to give you a lift after [date]”