AIBU to not want to drop work colleague home most days?

[Supermummy88]

Good evening everyone.

I just need some advice. I started my new job about a year ago and one of my colleague’s who lives in my area needs a lift back home at least 3/4 times a week. It’s not hassle for me because I have to go past her house to get to mine. However, at the end of the working day I’m in a rush to get home as I’ve got very young children who have activities after school etc. However, she always takes her time getting her stuff ready and talking to everyone before we leave. This ends up delaying me by 15/20 mins every time. I know it doesn’t seem like a long time but I have to rush home, get kids ready for their activities etc so that I can get them there on time, so for me 20 mins late makes a big difference. I do sometimes say that I need to leave bang on at a certain time, but she still delays it and is never ready on time. In a way I miss just being able to go home and not waiting for anyone. AIBU? I don’t want to ruin my working relationship with her!

I'm a coward, so I'd make up a new hobby (as someone else has suggested) that means you're not driving past her house anymore.

"Sorry CF, from next Monday I have to go to Mums and Babes at the library in the opposite direction/pick up grandma from bridge/herd the goats"

I had a similar issue with a friend to whom I was giving lifts to and from work (decades ago). I simply said "I'm going at 5pm and if you want a lift, be ready because I won't wait".

I never waited.

Just tell her that due to your childrens' activities you unfortunately won't be able to give her a lift any more after this week via text or email without going into any detail:

Hi X, I'm afraid that starting from next Monday I won't be able to give you lifts home any more due to my childrens' evening activities. I hope you can find another arrangement easily. Thanks, Y

If she starts questioning you just say sorry, it's just the way it is. If you feel compelled to elaborate say sometimes you'll need to meet them there but it's unpredictable so best not to have any further arrangement.

As well as her delaying you and vaping I'd hate to be stuck in a car with my line manager every day - keep it professional and distant.

You’re joking I hope..

Nope put a stop to it all together or once a week maximum. Say x kid has a club I need ti be home for at x time so need to rush. Also as line manager this will get awkward and she will hold this over you so get out of it now if you can tactfully

Similar position with several colleagues. Told them that I'd be setting off at 5 mins past the hour - and I do. If you are receiving lifts, you make sure you are punctual, or get public transport.

Hi , I need to let you know that I really do need to leave work on time as I'm in a rush to get home.
If she's got an issue with it then that just makes things easier for you! Be blunt.

Yep, this, it's that simple.

"Colleague, I'm going now if you want a lift, otherwise I'll see you tomorrow!"

@independencefreedom message is good. Good luck, OP - get this freeloader out of your car!

You need to nip this in the bud now, before she becomes your line manager. If she thinks she can walk all over you now, it doesn't bode well for the future. I had a colleague I gave lifts to, it started out with me saying that if she was ever stuck, I could pick her up sometimes (eg if the trains weren't running). It became a regular thing and like you, I missed that alone time in the morning especially. I just had to tell her in the end I couldn't do it any more. It didn't help (or maybe it did) I had to do a slight detour to pick her up/drop her off, and she never offered me anything for giving her the lifts, not even a cheap box of chocs!

Yeah I mean why doesn’t OP just spend possibly hundreds on public transport when she can just i don’t know…. Say no sorry I can’t give you a lift anymore!

Don't wait for her. Go to the car. Drive away. You'll only have to do this once...

She sounds a bit of a bully to me. Like she's making a point... telling you she's OK to vape in your car... wtf?

"By the way Joan, I don't have vape in my car".

What she wants and what she gets are completely different things.
You need to man up and just be honest.
She’s taking the mickey.
Is she paying you petrol money ?

'Hi x. Just to let you know that due to my kids activities after school I'm no longer able to provide lifts starting from x date. All the best.'

That's all you need to say.

If she becomes your line manager she won't have any respect for you if you continue to be a doormat. She's shown little respect for you as it is.

Just grow a pair and tell her that you can't give her a lift anymore. Don't piss about making up excuses.

She is taking advantage of you because you are letting her.

@DoreenonTill8 has hit the nail on the head, @Supermummy88.

I think you should tell your colleague "Joan - I'm happy to give you a lift home, but I can't wait around for you, so unless you are ready on the dot, I'll be leaving without you. I have to get home for my children's activities, and if I wait for you, I'm late. I'm sure you understand."

Then, if she isn't ready when you are leaving, go without her.

Thank you for all your responses. She actually gets a lift with another colleague every morning. After a few months of me starting this new job she started gradually asking for lifts. It’s now got to a stage where I desperately need my space on the way back from work rather than talking in the car for 15/20 minutes. have decided I’m going to make an excuse from this week!

I've had similar and all I can suggest is saying you'll meet her at the car at 5.05pm and if she's not there already, you'll take it she doesn't need a lift and you'll just have to go. It should only take a couple of times of her turning up late to find you've left, before she either makes alternative arrangements or starts being on time.

Just watch she doesn’t want to swap to you doing mornings instead of evenings.

If you're inventing an excuse, come with something cast iron or she'll resolve the 'problem' and you'll be back to square one.

DONT make excuses.

JUST GO HOME without her fucking sorry ass.

After your work day is done, she has NO say over how you use your time.

GO HOME, fuck her. No explanation necessary and no BS excuses to her either.

Re:excuse, are your kids in a childcare setting? If yes, explain you’re leaving at Xpm sharp every day from here on as you have been fined now several times for late pick up of kids.

Then leave at Xpm sharp. Based on previous form, she will 100% miss the lifts and make new plans.

She has no respect for you, does she?
Just say that you'll no longer be able to give lifts, mention "family commitments" if you feel the need to explain, but don't get drawn into explaining your movements "oh I need to be home for x time to take y to her swimming..." Just keep the message short and simple. And be consistent. Thinking about doing it is the worst part so just get it over with.

If you make an excuse you open an opportunity for her to 'solve' the problem. For example - I need to make some stops on the way home now. - That's OK, I don't mind being in the car a bit longer.
It's not working because I need to be away at 5 sharp. - Oh, fair enough, I'll make sure I'm ready on time.
You need to say as little as possible. Something like 'X, I'm not going to be able to give you a lift after this week. It's not working for me any more.' Then you have to be tough when questioned. 'I'm not going to give lots of reasons, it's just not working so I won't be able to do it any more.'

It's tricky that she may end up being your manager, but you'll just have to deal with any aggro from that at the time if it happens. If resulting in stopping the lifts causes problems at work now, then you go straight to HR, hopefully you have them.

If it had been me, I would have said to her directly and firmly I need to leave at 5pm exactly or whatever time because I have to get home to do xyz (you don't need to give her any explanation actually but in the interests of harmony). I've noticed that on the way out of the building you tend to stop to chat to people so every day I end up leaving 15 - 20m late. This isn't fair to me and is not OK so from now on if you want a lift with me, you need to be ready and leave at this time. If that's an issue, then I'm sorry but you will need to find someone else to give you a lift.

Then I'd have given it a week or so and every time you got to the car, I would have specifically noted the time out loud to her and said. Look it's 5.15. I did say I need to leave on time and then write it down.

Then when you 've got 4 or 5 times she's done it since you spoek to her, then say you remember when I mentioned this to you, since then every day I've been waiting for you til 15m 20 m (backed up with your collected data) so I'm afraid I can no longer do this.

That way you've given her fair warning and demonstrated she's a selfish arse.