To think DH should pay for DSC school fees

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Just wanted to get your thoughts on this: would you expect your husband to pay school fees for your children / his step children?

If yes, would you expect his to continue to pay school fees if you separated?

My response would be yes to both.

Youre a family, and therefore everything should be shared equally. If you did separate, you should continue to pay the fees the same way you would for your biological children.

Edit: the same would apply if the genders were reversed.

I'm a step mum twice over. I love my step kids.

My elderly dsc and I are still very close. My husband's son and I were close. Unfortunately her died earlier this year aged 16.

So trust me when I say this post is absolutely batshit crazy. I think you may need to shave you troll-like knuckles.

There is no way in hell i would contribute towards private school fees for any of my dsc. Not when i was with the elder 2's dad and certainly not after we separated. Equally dd is not my dh's. She is the sister of my elder dsc. I would absolutely not now or ever expect dh to pay for her education.

She has 2 parents. Her dad and inare solely responsible for costs associated with her.

IF dh chooses to buy things, if he volunteers to pay towards something that is entirely his choice. But I honestly would never expect it.

Absolutely no way should they pay for SCs school fees…..it’s a parent’s responsibility to pay ( or not pay) …..you may be family…..but no obligation to treat children equally…..fairly ….yes…..but not equally

WTAF!?

A person paying school fees for his stepchildren, when he’s not even with their mother anymore? No! Just no.

When they’re married and if they agree that fees come out of the household budget then that’s ok but after a divorce - absolutely not

Absolutely not, if he's willing to pay whilst together that's very generous but once split up no way should he be expected to continue, that's madness.

Yes it should be the same, otherwise it will create tension between the children. So either both go or both don't go. If they go and the separation happens then both would have to drop out if unaffordable for one.

If anything, it should come from your joint earnings not just his!
Why is their father paying his half?

Maybe yes when they are together but absolutely not if they split up. Not step dad's responsibility to pay for his step children if he's separated from their mother.

No and hell no.

Although my partner did used to help pay for his step daughter’s private school and guess what? When the very long term relationship ended with her mother acrimoniously his stepdaughter never talked to him again. Because she sided with her mother as her mother was blood and he was not. I thought that said it all perfectly.

I reckon they should. Presumably, if you were to divorce, the assets would be split 50/50 and the family court would expect all children involved to have continuity? That would include however fees were paid pre-split. So really the question is were they paying the fees before the hypothetical split. I’m surmising that there are biological and non-biological kids going to the same private school.

Each family is unique and has it's own nuances. In my family, my DSSs are grown but had my DH and I split up when they were younger I really believe we would've shared 50/50 custody of all our children and with that we would have shared the expenses for all our children (and 100% that includes my DSSs). I understand that's not typical but I was their primary caregiver since they were tiny and my relationship with them is not reliant on my relationship with my DH and hasn't been for a very long time.

I know my situation is uncommon but I think it highlights there's no one size fits all for these kind of hypotheticals.

Good lord, no! Have you lost your mind?

I'm hoping for bat shit crazy.
Reverse is such a boring let down.

I don't ask my sons father to pay for things for other kids thats down to me and there dad. my sons dad will pay for things for him and his own children.

😂😂😂😂 and 🤣🤣🤣🤣

I wouldn’t pay for my children to go to private school, never mind anyone else’s.

No!! My DP is not DDs parent and doesn’t get a vote but also doesn’t pay any bills relating to her!

of course there is a distinction! legally and emotionally.

People often try and force roles onto adults and children in step families but in reality every relationship is different.

Why on earth would a former step parent continue to do that once the relationship was over?!

Very much this.

No way should anyone expect this of a stepparent and most certainly not an ex stepparent!

The parents are responsible to pay the fees or decide where the child goes to school.

Though I do have an exception to this, a close friend of ours had been in a relationship pretty much all his Step-daughters life. They weren’t married though and she had a relationship with her Dad. The parents chose to send her to private school, they both paid towards it, he had nothing to do with it. Sadly in the last few years of her schooling her Mum got very ill and wasnt able to work at the same time the relationship broke down. The Dad couldn’t cover the full fees - he stepped up and covered the final few years of education. He didn’t need to it wasn’t his responsibility, it was never expected of him and the parents had been looking at alternative state schools.

Also this😂

No way. This is a biological parents job and it’s even more insane to suggest the step parent should still pay if they separate from the parent!

Why not pay for the next door neighbour's kids education as well? They are as related to the step parent as much as the step kids

This is an odd take. Do you also believe this hypothetical ex step father should be awarded full custody post divorce, leaving EOW for the bio parents?