To think DH should pay for DSC school fees

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Just wanted to get your thoughts on this: would you expect your husband to pay school fees for your children / his step children?

If yes, would you expect his to continue to pay school fees if you separated?

My response would be yes to both.

Youre a family, and therefore everything should be shared equally. If you did separate, you should continue to pay the fees the same way you would for your biological children.

Edit: the same would apply if the genders were reversed.

Always one or t'other on here! (Often both!)

Nope, absolutely not.

She’s talking about if they broke up though - should the step parent still pay for school fees for step kids once they have broken up.

very few instances where I would agree. Maybe if the stepfather was extremely wealthy and is the one who insisted on the stepkids going to private school, and they have been there a long time then maybe he should pay for them to finish. But generally no.

Hell no.

Lol, you are obviously very grabby.
Dc's actual parents are responsible for paying for dc, not step parents and certainly not if you split up 😂

No on both counts as private education is an option

The child's biological parents should pay it/whoever made the decision to privately educated should pay for it. If they can't pay, they can attend a state school.

A biological parent is not obliged to pay for private school why do you think a step parent is? And even more absurd; an ex step parent paying school fees. If your ex is Elon Musk then maybe yes. Otherwise a firm no. YABU.

DH paid for all costs including school fees for his dss (my DS) when we got married. We were in an different situation as DS's biological father has never been involved and has never paid anything or had contact.

I was on benefits when I met DH as I wasn't working, and I lost almost all of them when we got married as his income (high earner) was taken into account by DWP/HMRC. So there is certainly an expectation by the govt that he would pay for DS's living costs and other expenses while we are married. DH's income was also taken into account when applying for student loans. We are still married so I don't know what would happen in a divorce - DH has always agreed to treat the dcs equally though (DS and the dcs we have together).

Is it that bio dad couldn't afford it. Mum can't afford it. Mum married man with money, who's existing children were private schooled. Mum insists her existing children should be treated the same, so step dad coughs up for them to attend too.

Mum and stepdad divorce. Back to the status quo of mum and dad can't afford private school.

Mum thinks unrelated ex partner should fund her children, when neither her or the dad do.

Entitlement comes in many amusing forms.

Just say if you have another child with someone else or partner up with someone with kids would you expect your ex to pay for these kids too?

I wouldn't expect them to pay directly. But I wouldn't tolerate a joint DC going private while my other children didn't. If we married after my DC we're already in private school I'd consider that expense equal to tax / pension etc so would count my income as post-fee income for the purposes of splitting bills.

I think step families are quite individual and nuanced so not comparable with others. Generally, no, unless a step parent has a very strong bond with the dc and wants to contribute, it’s definitely not expected. It’s actually a bit odd to ask for someone who used to love you fund children you had with someone else.

Yes while you're married because it's family money and you're a family, but not if you then separate.

I think you're unreasonable referring to his money though, it should be pooled.

It depend how long he had been a step-parent to the child. There is no obligation but if, for example, he had cared for and loved the child from the age of three until fifteen, it would be like his own child. However you can't expect it.

Tricky one.
I have a DS (DSS to my DH) and we have a DD together. DH has always treated them the same as have our families.
However, if we had separated when DCs were still at school then I would absolutely not expect DH to pay for my DS school fees. I would expect his own father to pay them with me.
All hypothetical as my DCs didn't go to fee paying school.

Both of their actual biological parents should pay the SC's fees. If you have children with an ex, then it's up to you and the ex to pay.

Straightforward surely??

Does the exDH get to have the DSC with him part of the time?

Absolutely not. Your children are not his. Very grabby!!

Absolute no to both

This is obviously about you. Your defensive answers give this away and YABU. Only biological parents should pay not separated or divorced step parents. They’re not legally their children so they shouldn’t be duty bound to pay. Pay for your own kids, that’s so wrong and entitled.

Do you have step children?

It's all very nice and lovely to say step parents should feel exactly the same about their step children as about their own children, but they don't, just like how (under most circs) children don't love their step parents in the same way as their real parents.

Why are you even thinking about this if it's hypothetical?!

Pretty defensive for a hypothetical situation...

Of course there is a distinction between a natural parent and step parent. Are you just trolling? Do you have several babydaddies rather than a husband?

Ha ha ha! If he does he’s an absolute mug…Or incredibly wealthy.

What’s their ACTUAL Dad paying for?