To think DH should pay for DSC school fees

[Spaceg]

Just wanted to get your thoughts on this: would you expect your husband to pay school fees for your children / his step children?

If yes, would you expect his to continue to pay school fees if you separated?

My response would be yes to both.

Youre a family, and therefore everything should be shared equally. If you did separate, you should continue to pay the fees the same way you would for your biological children.

Edit: the same would apply if the genders were reversed.

No and no. Unless the stepfather adopts the children, the children do not become his children or his responsibility. He is married to their mother. That's it.

I had 2 parents. Both of my parents re-married and, much as I loved my step-parents, they were very much not my parents. There was a clear distinction which we all maintained.

I now have DSC of my own. They have 2 parents and I am not one of them.

What did I read!? Absolutely not!

No - up to him if he chooses to do it when together but as others have said that’s a bonus and he’s not obligated in the way he is to his bio children.

There absolutely is a distinction between the two, otherwise anyone who’s ever dated someone who already had a child would be stuck paying child support if the relationship falls apart. My half sibling got a big inheritance from a grandparent. I didn’t because it wasn’t my grandparent. It’s just how it is.

No I wouldn't. The exception to that would be if a second child came along and there was the desire to send them to private school in that instance I think it should be offered.

If the parents separated though then no. That step parent has no legal basis or even access rights (unless they have formally adopted the child).

No to both. It’s for the parents to pay, not a step-parent.

If you are married his step-children have a legal relationship with him and that remains until/unless you divorce. I'd expect him to continue to support all his children because he is legally the parent of the step-children.
If you're not married, no, why should he pay for children he has neither blood nor legal relationship to?

If step parent was very wealthy, had gone to private school themself and were paying for their own kids to go to private school, I would think them a bit stingy for not paying for step kids too (especially if the kids were close in age), but it would be a bonus and I don’t think it should be expected at all.

So, if I understand this correctly, for example:

I marry someone with children, we split our living costs and my husband wants to split the costs of school fees with me? I would possibly do this, I’d hope I would marry someone who I’d spend the rest of my life with and become part of their family. This would be an indirect cost as we’d be sharing money and that is an expenditure of the household (well half as I would imagine the children’s mother would be paying half).

If we broke up, I would split the house and assets fairly, but I would not expect to cover costs relating to my ex-husband’s children (unless I was in their life from near birth to near adulthood and we treated each other as such). In the same way I wouldn’t cover his ongoing bills. If for some reason the children lived with me after the divorce 50/50, then yes I would cover 50% of the fees.

There are far too many variables to make a clear decision - can you give more details @Spaceg ?

No, unless they were involved in the choice to educate the children privately. If they were (in a meaningful way - i.e. they advocated for it too) then I'd agree that it's family money etc etc. But if their parent just decided, oh hey I want to spend XXX of our family money on education for my children and you now have to contribute, then no.

I agree that family money is shared, but private education is not a necessity. It's an enormous luxury and a lifestyle choice by one partner that doesn't benefit the stepparent in any way and in fact decreases their ability to save/invest/live their own lifestyle choices. In the same way I wouldn't expect my partner to... I don't know, fund an extremely, tens of thousands expensive hobby like collecting classic cars or something, I wouldn't expect a partner, even a spouse, to fund private education for kids that aren't theirs.

But he wouldn’t be a stepparent if you’d split 🤷🏻‍♀️ and you’re no longer a family.

Of course not. To expect a step parent to do this is a whole other level of entitlement.

lol, no.

Why isn't the children's father and mother paying their school fees?

Unless he has adopted them he is not legally their parent and you definitely don’t become legally a parent when you marry someone with kids.

Is this a reverse?
I would expect both biological parents to typically pay for the school fees. However, if one parent was absent or deceased and the step father had stepped in at an early age and paid for any of their step siblings (his own children's fees if he has any) and still had a relationship with his step child, then it would be kind for him to continue to pay them. Providing of course that he could still afford to. If he refused to, having acted as their sole father for years, and they had to leave school at a crucial time, that may be rather cruel, particularly if he had other children attending the school and could well afford it. Generally though, it would be expected for the biological parents to pay.

Depends on the circumstances. I know someone who married a multi millionaire. Think private jets etc. He paid for both her kids' from her first marriage to go to boarding schools and is now paying for one who is at Wharton. That is fine I guess.

Should definitely not be expected. Especially if you separate!! Why on earth would someone pay the fees for kids he's not related to?? If he genuinely has a bond with them and chooses to do this himself, that's lovely, but it's absurd to expect it

Even when married a stepparent isn’t legally considered a parent to any stepchildren - parental responsibility remains solely with the actual parents. Stepparent is a title, that’s it.

Seriously? I don't thing there should be a distinction between parent and step parent

But there is. One is a parent and the other isn't.

No and no again!

Whilst I would say no, this should also be continued in the university, and yet grants are based on house hold incomes - 2 houses - 4 adult wages regardless of additional children and if the step- parent is willing to contribute.

Leaves a lot of students broke!

It should be based on parental combined wages - less some for double household expenses.

Hypothetical or not, you believe in the hypothetical situation your ex / any ex step parents should pay for children they didn’t create in a family that isn’t theirs due to break up of a relationship.

so your belief this is correct does in my opinion make you extremely grabby and extremely entitled.do you also believe it’s reasonable to be fully able to work but sit home all day doing fuck all whilst the state fund your lifestyle?

please share the hypothetical question with your DH see how fast he gets the ick.

Oh really? So they could have the kids 50/50 if they wanted, be part of making school and medical decisions, take the kids on holiday, go get their hair cut without consulting you etc?

Sounds like you want a meal ticket for life.