To think DH should pay for DSC school fees

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Just wanted to get your thoughts on this: would you expect your husband to pay school fees for your children / his step children?

If yes, would you expect his to continue to pay school fees if you separated?

My response would be yes to both.

Youre a family, and therefore everything should be shared equally. If you did separate, you should continue to pay the fees the same way you would for your biological children.

Edit: the same would apply if the genders were reversed.

No to both. That is crazy.

No, not his kids.

Absolutely not!! Goodness me, who would even think this is ok! Child’s mother & bio father need to pay!

So if you married someone with children and were the higher earner and paid for those children to go to private school, you’d be happy to carry on paying if you split from their father?

No to both not step parents responsibility to pay step children fees for school if they split.
Child has 2 parents that should be paying and one of them is not the step parent.

No. Even if he were the bio dad, I wouldn't expect him to pay it all either. Why can't you and the bio dad pay?

Unless the SC's non resident birth partner is actually dead and they've been adopted by the SP, there is of course a massive difference. Why are you pretending there isn't?

If they were a multi millionaire / very wealthy then it would be generous and kind to offer. However, the step parent has absolutely no obligation to pay for school fees.

😂

But if you're in the UK there's no need to pay for education until the age of 19, so job's a good'un....

May aswell claim child maintence aswell off them 🙄😂😂. Such a strange hypothetical question, who would even think to ask it 😂

Denying some children opportunities because they aren’t available to all can also create tension. When siblings don’t all share the same parents there are inevitably going be to differences between them and it’s disingenuous to pretend otherwise.

If there was another biological child between parent/step parent to be privately educated then potentially yes depending on circumstances however this would have to be discussed prior to having said child and ideally the fees written into some form of prenup so the step child/ren wouldn’t experience further disruption in the event of separation.
The choice of school thought should be decided between both biological parents.
Would be a sticky situation ideally avoided and definitely not to be expected. Would be better to move at an appropriate time to a home in the catchment of great schools.

Absolutely not. Especially if separated. Send them to state school. No problem them!

No

I know someone whose step grandparents paid for her and their grandson / her half brother to go to a private school and continued to pay when their son and her mother separated. But that's extraordinarily generous.

I personally would but then I would expect 50/50 access to my DSS alongside my biological child if me and my DH split (He hasn't seen his BM for 9 years and even before that it was sporadic and supervised, I met him 12 years ago, I am his mum, he is 13) however our situation is a rare one.

In most situations then no, I wouldn't think it was appropriate. I would expect that to be the job of the biological parents.

She take my money when I'm in need
Yea she's a triflin' friend indeed
Oh she's a gold digger way over town
That digs on me

No.

If you are a family unit then all income is household income and if the household can afford school fees that's fine. If the household income is mostly from step parent that's still fine.

If you stop being a family unit and go your separate ways then the divorce settlement will divide the assets of the marriage appropriately between the two sides but the children will not be seen as the responsibility of their step-parent. They will remain with their actual parent obviously and if that parent can still afford school fees then that's fine. If not then the school may provide a partial bursary to get the child to the next natural transition point (y7/y9/y12) but no the step parent wouldn't pay.

Eighteen years, eighteen years
(not) got one of your kids got you for eighteen years

This is CFery of the highest order - so much so that I wonder if you’re my friend’s ex wife.

My friend James married Sophie. Sophie had three kids with her ex, Mark.

When James moved in, Mark reduced the amount of maintenance he paid. And then reduced it again. And again, to the point that it didn’t cover the kids’ school fees.

Sophie didn’t work, which is a whole other thread.

James stepped in and paid the school fees, because he didn’t want the kids to go through the upheaval of new schools. Bear in mind these are not his children and not his financial responsibility.

When James and Sophie split up, he offered to pay her alimony. She took him to court because the amount he offered wasn’t enough to cover her mortgage, her living expenses and the kids’ school fees. Again, she doesn’t work, won’t get a job, and these are not James’s children.

She won her case. James was ordered to pay her enough to cover all of these things because (and I’m quoting the judge): “when you married her, you agreed to provide a certain lifestyle for her and her children. Now that you’ve split up, you’re still obliged to provide that.”

James couldn’t afford the monthly payments plus his own rent and living expenses. He went bankrupt and eventually had a breakdown. He was in hospital for a while and almost died.

Sophie remains furious that he ‘pretended to be ill to get out of his obligations’.

Again: not his children.

On the plus side, the kids are now adults and see their mother for what she is. And James has a closer relationship with them than they do with either of their parents...

*Names changed.

What a batshit idea.

Not all income is family income when stepchildren are involved. I’d say it’s more common for blended families to keep separate finances, and/or make contributions to a joint account that reflect the individual financial responsibilities of each party. A stepparent may choose to contribute, but they can equally choose not to.

But this is the issue! A separation is literally a purposeful breaking apart of the family unit. The only thing still binding you all together is sharing the same blood.

Oh wait.