To think DH should pay for DSC school fees

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Just wanted to get your thoughts on this: would you expect your husband to pay school fees for your children / his step children?

If yes, would you expect his to continue to pay school fees if you separated?

My response would be yes to both.

Youre a family, and therefore everything should be shared equally. If you did separate, you should continue to pay the fees the same way you would for your biological children.

Edit: the same would apply if the genders were reversed.

That’s a choice a stepparent may choose to make, but it shouldn’t an expectation.

I said underneath it shouldn’t be the expectation

You’re not going against the grain then, considering that OP does expect it.

Hell no. I'm single and if I met a single dad there's no way I should be paying his child's school fees. Wouldn't even consider entering a relationship where this was an expectation. Hell.no.

In general I disagree with both your points. There are some scenarios where it might be appropriate however, eg if one parent dies and so the step parent becomes the only father (or mother) the child has from a fairly young age then it might well be appropriate to both keep the relationship going and pay the school fees, if affordable. In the usual blended family situation then I think each parent organises schooling for their own child(ren).

Absolutely no to both, CF! Pay yourself or get the child's father to pay

OP this seems to me like a strange subject to have a “hypothetical” question about! What prompted it?

Yeh, right.

Some parents get far too comfortable when it comes to stuff like this. There’s always that chance that the relationship will break down, so why would someone sign their child up to private school based on the income of someone who isn’t their parent? If the relationship breaks down then the stepparent’s income goes with it.

Nope, they aren’t his children. Get the Bio parent to pay and you pay. Hard no and I can’t believe you’re asking this question. A wee bit of cheeky fuckery here.

The gall of some people!

This is absolutely not accurate. The title of step parent specifically indicates no biological or legal responsibility for a child. There seems to have become a belief otherwise but legally that is the case.

Would you expect your husband to pay school fees for your children / his step children.

No, they're not his children; it's their father's responsibility.

Would you expect him to continue to pay school fees if you separated

YABU, and taking the piss.

I wouldn't expect any step parent to pay for anything relating to their step children unless they wanted to and certainly not after a split, Only exception maybe if children were very small when got together and you'd been together a long time,

I dated a man for only a few months who tried to start a conversation about me paying his child’s school fees. I shut it down immediately. Utter CF. No way am I paying school fees for a child that isn’t mine and I wouldn’t expect someone else to pay for mine.

Sorry i don’t really get this. How long has he been SD for? Is he particularly wealthy?

I don’t think as a rule anyone should be forced to pay school fees and it seems a little odd to demand it.

But what if for eg, over say, 10 years, you had two relationships and had Step Children in both and both of these relationships came to an end and your about to embark on another relationship with more Step Children. Should this person pay for what could be nearly 10 children that aren’t theirs?

Absolutely not!!!

The only time I could see it possibly being reasonable is if the mother had to move abroad for the new husband's job and that necessiated the DSC going to a private school(eg an international one in the Gulf). It might be reasonable to hope that the new ex would continue to pay fees if the separation happened in an exam year.

If the decision is jointly made between parent/step-parent, like if step-parent was involved before dc was school aged, then possibly. But if child already at fee-paying school before step-parent is a thing then I'd say no.

Or even better, send them to state school like 93% of children.

Absolutely not.

There is a distinction between biological/adipted and step children. “Step parent” is a meaningless title that bequeaths precisely zero obligation to the person in question, beyond those they choose for themselves. Quite different to having PR for a child via biology or adoption.

Brilliant post

Morally I think it depends. Broadly no, not his problem. But I have a friend who's "dad" is her stepdaughter. He treats her and her (half)siblings the same and has known her since she was a toddler.

If he was sending his DC it would include her.

So I think there's nuances, how old were DSC when their step-parent came on the scene? Does step parent have a parent role?

As for if the marriage breaks down they defo aren't obliged to but again the relationship matters, and it would be considerate to help at least short term if the slip and withdrawal from school could impact the DSCs future I think there could be some short term support. Although again depends on the relationship and how reasonable the split was.

No, your biological child, your fees. Once you've separated it's not his financial concern any more. Pretty rude to even suggest he should maintain the fees burden.