DH threatened to throw a spider in my face

[Cupofteaformeee]

I am extremely phobic of spiders. 🕷️

I’ll try and keep this brief - DH is a STBEXH as I’m making plans to leave due to EA and VA. I’ve started writing everything he’s done or said to me and I’m seeking opinions on his behaviour.

Around a year ago we were both in the living room and a huge spider ran across the floor. I stood on the couch and shouted for DH to please please get rid of the spider. He’s not scared of them. He was gaming at the time and replied saying “Don’t tell me what to do” I begged him, please please get the spider and he shouted that if I scream at him one more time he would pick the spider up and throw it in my face. 😦

Opinions please?? His threat has stayed with me ever since.

No, thats par for the course. Its common in most peoples houses to catch the spider then wave it towards anyone who's afraid of spiders when on the way to taking it outside. It's just a joke.

@Diddys Only if you are 10 years old.

OP just get out of the relationship and away from him.

I'm scared of spiders and think this a shitty thing to do, however, it seems like a really petty thing to be focusing on.

Maybe in immature people's houses.

Sorry what? You demanded someone to do something for you and then because you didn't like their answer and demanded it again (while screaming) when they said no and made a joke this was your response? Threats are serious, violent in nature and designed to hurt. While I do think your irrational fear of spiders is real, this isn't a 'threat' and you may need to re-centre yourself about what a threat truly is.

Presumably you're being facetious - better known as a smart arse 🙄

In 'most people's houses'? Juvenile idiots maybe. I can guarantee you it's anything but a 'joke' for someone who is phobic.

House spiders beling indoors. Just go into another room until it's disappeared in the future. Your stbx lacked sympathy but you did over react.

It's really hard to take it seriously when you're not scared of spiders, OP. If he was already in a mood with you or just a nasty person, this is to be expected and I don't think it's wildly out of order (nasty and mean but you're already planning to leave him, so...)

Threatening to pick up a spider and throw it in someone’s face who you know to be phobic of them is a joke?? DH wasn’t joking and his tone was aggressive and he was shouting.

Threatening to throw a spider at person who’s terrified is mean. However, I have been unwittingly designated ‘spider-catcher’ in the past. Always being expected to stop what I was doing to ‘deal’ with them became incredibly irritating.

Of course it's a threat! It's something she obviously has a severe phobia about which he would know. It doesn't sound like he was joking either. She was hardly demanding for the sake of it, just obviously petrified!
In my opinion it should have been no bother for him to remove something causing you such obvious distress and if that was too much trouble then he's not worth having as a partner!

No it is not a joke. Only if you have the mental capacity of a toddler

A house spider that has disappeared is worse than one which you can see 🙈🕷️

You are phobic yet use spider emojis? I get the one is real and the other isn't, it just seems a bit odd.

I get the jokey waving it around after you’ve caught it. My Dad used to do that. Very different to threatening to throw it in my face (aggressive tone)

'Please please please' and begging is not a demand. Ignore the horrors and keep working on that exit strategy.

I agree. I’m phobic and that emoji gives me the shivers and so would never use it!

lol a spider emoji is very different to a massive bastard scuttling across your living room floor!

He sounds cruel. I can’t imagine saying that to someone who is frightened of them. But you already know he isn’t a nice man. Focus on escaping.

I mean if my husband was shouting and screaming at me to do something repeatedly I’d probably be pissed off as well. Not okay behaviour from you OP.

Exactly that. What he said felt like it came from a place of cruelty.

It’s probably worth trying to untangle why you are asking ‘opinions please’ about this particular incident a year later… do you feel worried that people won’t believe you about the emotional/verbal abuse, or does he try twist things to make you feel like you’re not being abused? Is this a tangible example where you feel you can prove he is horrible? Who are you trying to prove it to - him, friends, yourself?

You say he is soon to be ex. I think it would be good for you to accept that you’ve been abused and start working towards your future. Have you spoken to any charities or your GP? Therapy?

She wasn’t demanding, she was pleading because she was scared!

OP, I get your point. My husband hates getting rid of insects too but would never dream of threatening to throw one in my face. It’s so childish and obviously you guys don’t get along. It’s triggered something in you, seek some support my luv.

No it isn't.