Having I fucked up the sex talk?

[TheSmartestGiantInTown1]

Today my 6 year old asked me how a man's seed gets into a woman's tummy (I have told him previously that babies are made from an egg and seed). His 4 year sister was listening at the time. My Mum was a HCP so very frank and no nonsense about anything body related, so I was always of the opinion it was best to answer questions honestly but without lots of unnecessary detail. I therefore explained that a man puts his penis inside a woman's vagina, the seed goes into a woman's womb, and meets the egg there. My daughter asked where the babies came out, I said the vagina. They looked mildly surprised and the conversation moved on.

I'd never discussed this with DH and he is horrified- I now see that we should have discussed our approach to this inevitable question long ago. He says I've stolen their innocence, and they'll never see the world the same way again. Honestly they didn't seem that bothered- there was a lot more questions when I had to explain a family member died. However now I feel horrible. Have I totally fucked this up? DH said I should have said that people have a special cuddle.

I fully support a factual approach. If they are old enough to ask the question then they are old enough for the answer (in general) is my stance. I now have a 15, 13, 10 year old who are very open and will not be embarrassed to ask questions or have open discussions about relationships, bodies, sex etc

Any time any of my kids have asked me anything about human reproduction I've answered them in simple medically accurate terms. So they knew about the penis going in the vagina as soon as they asked about that which may have even been earlier than 6yo.
Kids are still innocent.. you don't rob them of innocence by giving them accurate info about their bodies. You just don't allow them to live in fear and confusion and with a sense of lingering shame. It also protects them from sexual exploitation if they actually understand what that is, and they have the confidence abd knowledge to talk about these things.
I firmly believe that if a kid asks you something you should answer as honestly as you can. I think it's confusing and stressful for them if you don't. You might think you are protecting them but in reality it becomes more scary and confusing in their mind. Because if they've asked you these questions they were already thinking about this. So consider what you are teaching them by refusing to answer or seeming disgusted or shocked.. or acting all hush hush. What does that convey about their body and their relationship to you?
I want my kids to be able to trust me enough to be able to come to me with any question or problem they might have.
I also want them to feel confident and in control of their own bodies.

I was given this book in the 70s at around age 5. It's very clear on what actually happens and OP it's a great age to tell them. As you've found they'll just be very matter of fact about it and take it all in their stride.

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When my 4 year asked if eggs came out of a chicken's bum my DH told her they have a vent an 'egg hatch'. Fast forward a few weeks and she asked a very pregnant lady in her playground 'how her baby was coming out' the flustered lady said, 'she wasn't sure yet'. My daughter told 'It's not your bum, my Daddy said you have an egg hatch'. Awkward queue for the ice creams that day.

Just did. That is a great poem. Spot on. Thank you

You did the right thing OP. An open, honest and age appropriate explanation. My useless DH led DD to believe that we had found her in a cabbage patch after being dropped off by a stork.. 🤦‍♀️

You did the right thing. I am 69 (horrors!) and my mother never really explained anything, including periods. I had to rely on my older sister (7 years older), so I got a shock aged 13! Children need to know about bodily functions of all kinds in an age appropriate way. Thank god things have moved on.
‘special cuddles’ is a bit weird!

You told them the facts in an age appropriate way. Definitely the right way to do it. We need to normalise this stuff so it's not taboo or secretive.

Up in arms about what exactly, though ?

Now the OP has answered these questions factually, it can lead onto other conversations about consent, contraception, respect, periods, etc, etc. in an age appropriate way. It can only be a good thing.

My mother was a dog breeder and, when I asked how babies were made, she said it was just the same as with the dogs. I'd been present at many puppy births, and had often seen dogs mate. In case anyone doesn't know, the male dog's penis has bulb-like structures which swell after the initial humping, and cause the penis to be stuck inside the vagina to ensure good transfer of semen. This is called being "tied" and the dogs stand stuck together back-to-back like that for a good while. At primary school I had an enthralled group keen to hear how babies are really made. I explained confidently that, after the first part of sex, the couple are then tied together for a while and can't come apart even if they want to.

Don't be daft.

So many outdated views on here.

For years the advice and thinking has been to have open, honest, factual conversations and answer questions using accurate terms as soon as children start asking questions.

Your answer was completely age appropriate OP. Please ignore posters saying that your child may tell others at school. They will be telling them accurate and correct information if they do!

Also by being factual and avoiding euphemisms and answering in a straightforward manner, they are much more likely to come to you as teenagers with issues that require a parent’s guidance.

Much better than them being misinformed, or feeling embarrassed to talk to you about sex, relationships etc.

By avoiding and delaying these topics, children may feel judged or embarrassed or feel these topics are taboo. In which case people are setting themselves up for children who do not come to them when they need support and advice later on.

I had that Usborne book - it was bizarre! I remember a line about the woman knowing she was pregnant because her womb had 'kept its special lining'.

You did fine, I told my children the same from about the age of 4.

If you leave it up to slightly older boys at school to teach them then they end up believing that the man has to pee in the woman's mouth or something.

You can't keep kids ignorant until you're ready, it doesn't work like that.

You just get a choice between you telling them, or leaving it up to Tyler in Year 4 whose older brother showed him a pornhub clip.

We used the term special cuddle at that age and had no issues. My dd 12 is very informed about sex and everything to do with it. Which included a discussion about abortion and how to get an implant etc.

I remember kids at school talking about sex when I was in year 3. This was a long time before the internet. Surely it's best to tell them a version you're happy with before they hear something worse from other kids. They will hear it from someone by 7 or 8 so you do need to be thinking about it by 6 or you will be too late

Non consensual sex with an angel according to the bible.

Bit much to assume it was Mary's fault? Likely she was only about 12.

Mind you in the religion she came from she would have been considered guilty which is why Joseph was so generous is agreeing to stay with her.

Non consensual sex with an angel according to the bible.

Eh, that's not what the bible says at all.

I was brought up in that "certain religion" too (I assume you mean Catholicism?) and was taught accurate biological facts about sex from a young age. My grandmother grew up on a farm in rural Poland and so was extremely matter of fact about everything, and so my mum was as well.

When my DS was about 9, there was a 1pm news item about a man being raped just as he walked into the room. He asked how that would be possible . I gave him basic facts ( while squirming a tad inside) . He laughed and said something like "no, really?" He's not been scarred by it, doesn't remember it now.
Playground chat is enlightening, about age 8 he said something about being sexy, so I asked him if he knew what sex was. He went on to describe very accurately a tit wank 😂Put him straight on that. Playground chatter obviously not very accurate 🤔

Y3 is old enough to know if your mum tells you something not to go telling friends in case their parents aren’t comfortable with it/ want to tell their kids themselves

y4 is when I got taken out of sex Ed lol

Actually in chickens the "egg hatch" and the "bum" are the same hole ...

🤭🤭🤭

I think if you don't make a massive deal of Having The Sex Talk with a young child, but just answer their questions about biology factually, they're not likely to talk about it in the playground because it's just another fact - like a PP said, it's just like knowing why the sky is blue or whatever.

Saying that sperm comes out of a grown up man's penis and into a grown up woman's vagina so it can travel into her womb, meet an egg and start growing a baby, and eventually when the baby is big enough it comes out of her vagina or she can have an operation to take it out through her tummy, is very different to telling a child about the emotional, or pleasurable, or even religious/moral (for some people) side of sex.

That's the side that has to be explained very differently to a 4 year old, and a 9 year old, and a 12 year old, and a 16 year old. It is also the side that makes adults embarrassed and it's what adults associate with sex. Explaining biological facts to a child is not really explaining "sex" to a child because for an adult, sex is much more than the biology of making a baby, and might not include that at all.

I think there's no problem at all with a 4 year old knowing the biology of where babies come from if they ask. I would (and have) also tell them that only grownups can make a baby and it's not something that children can do.

Children that age also need to know that their private parts are private, and they should also be taught about consent and boundaries in terms of cuddles, tickles etc. Obviously those types of conversations change completely in terms of detail and emphasis as they get older.